The Ministry of Environmental Protection described the wafer filling as “almost, but not completely, unlike lemon.”

The younger brother dismissed the move as “aggression” and accused him of disproportionate response.

“You’re pretending not to understand because you’re being paid. Or blackmailed.”

“This is basically Reform. I doubt it’s even halakhically valid.”

Event slogan: Visibility ̶o̶r̶ then Bust.

“One woman even covered her ears in what I can only describe as ecstatic surrender.”

The price for condoms saw a smaller but significant drop, as well.

One collector is already exploiting the development to solicit for pidyon sh’vuyim.

“I also have to accuse them of leaving the place a mess, even though no Israeli demographic owns that distinction more than any other, except maybe Arabs.”

The concrete abomination has withstood every conceivable ordinance short of actual ordnance.

“Never once did it occur to me to check IDs, or foreskins, at the door. Am I supposed to be doing that?”

“Who needs a shadkhan when you’ve got mutual existential dread and a working generator?”

“We’re not against innovation,” one father said. “Israelis love tech.”

“I’m not begging, I’m curating an experience,”

The current exercise calibrates the precise dosage of intermittent visibility required to sustain belief in eventual service without triggering mass demands for accountability.

“The pretzels were covered with sesame seeds instead of salt,” shuddered one father. “Who even does that??”

“These two are ruining it for everyone.”

Solitude is apparently not on the menu.

Full city-wide deployment is expected sometime before or during the next ice age.

The occurrence of the festival when nights are longest has invited unimaginative speakers to think themselves poetic by comparing the physical darkness with various negative forces.

Locals wouldn’t mind so much if the karaoke performers could carry a tune.

Observers noted that the proprietor made the same claim about the credit card machine to four customers in a row. Jerusalem, December 2 – A local shopkeeper made an attractive proposal, eyewitnesses reported today, when you sought to buy a shirt and trousers at his establishment and heard the man say he could give you …

Dusk falls over the storefront’s flickering “CLOSING FOREVER” sign (now in its eighth year of forever).

“This isn’t supposed to happen.”

City officials apologized for the changes.

“Some of our men suggested napalm.”

“There’s always a chance they’ll forget or make an exception,” he explained, declining to adduce evidence for that assertion.

Unfortunately for him, Israelis flocked to, not from, their homeland in the aftermath of October 7.

This is coerced population transfer and in contravention of the Geneva Conventions.”

Everyone knows the kind of trouble that occurs when a package gets delivered to the very address where you told the supplier you wanted it.

“Maybe now they’ll shut up and pay their maintenance fees, which they haven’t in like two years.”

“This journey to healing won’t even begin until we dance on the crumbled ruins of one of the evilest cultures ever to exist.”

A different Zionist aggravation-developer invented the commercial break.

Like her analogs in Gaza, Pose has posted to social media a continual treatment of her regimen.

“Palestinians are the real Jews. Look at all the Jewish traditions and culture they’ve preserved since ancient times.”

It may take the form of attributing nefarious motives to normal behaviors when Jews engage in those behaviors, such as political advocacy.

“I thought we did a good job.”

Greta’s behavior is so beyond the pale for constructive, stable relationships, that even the socially-impaired people with ASD can see it.

Gambling that the novelty of using something unpredictable and different will overshadow any technical shortcomings.

“Behind it is just… the remains of other pashkevilim.”

Alternatives don’t have the same unifying solidarity underlying them that makes Shoah business so effective.

The last year alone has seen 27,000 new Jewish immigrants to Israel.

It will horrify Hamas and its minions into capitulation.

None of the households know that every other household plots to do to them what they plot to do to all the others.

Guests expect a standard of tidiness to which the household has long aspired but rarely achieved.

He thought he’d performed a home repair task that affirmed his right to hold a Man Card.

Observers recalled screaming and gesticulating, but no specific words other than slurs such as “sharmuta” and “kalba” among others.

18 of the last 20 weekdays have seen him leave the depot at least 8 minutes past the posted time.

“A clear case of ethnic cleansing.”

Salvage some sense of control by simply knowing whose day it is to make commuters’ lives miserable in the least politically-effective way possible.

“Just blow after blow, statistics taunting me with the seeming futility of my life’s work.”

Tu BiShvat will occur this year in about four weeks.

“We will only approve architectural designs that make a normal person question his own sanity, if not actually vomit.”

“Latke” originates in a Slavic term, derived ultimately from Greek word for oil – which, in turn, stems from the Greek for “olive.”

“You don’t have a plastic bag on you, do you?”

Phil Loseroni sent out a series of social media posts this morning.

Seasoned Israelis will not fall for the “I give you big discount” line.

“This might be a record,” he acknowledged.

It could affect his eligibility for certain positions in the military.

City officials hesitate to admit that they aim specifically to make people’s lives miserable.