Left-Wing Parties Yearn For Return To Golden Age Of Austerity And Scarcity "Ideally, we would also bring back the uniting factor of rampant Arab military attacks from every direction."
Left-Wing Parties Yearn For Return To Golden Age Of Austerity And Scarcity "Ideally, we would also bring back the uniting factor of rampant Arab military attacks from every direction."
Right-Wing Parties Vow To Work Even Harder To Avoid Implementing An Actual Right-Wing Agenda "True right-wing governance means endless discussions about changing the rules, followed by zero actual changes."
Dungeon Master Has Apparently Set Hard Limit Of 4 For MK Wisdom Some characters also labor under permanent severe encumbrance caused by the sheer weight of ideological inventory.
Cursed Amulet Keeping Bibi In Power Needs New Infusion Of Palestinian Blood It has long been credited with shielding him from corruption trials, coalition collapses, and repeated challenges from rivals.
Haredim Petition Moses For Exemption From War Against Amalek "Oh, and by the way, we want extra quail stipends for yeshiva students with six or more children.”
MLB Opens Bnei Brak Minor League LA Franchise: Draft Dodgers "The Israeli right is splintering like a broken bat."
Haredim Insist Traffic Jams Key To Gaining Broader Electoral Support “Public irritation is merely a transitional phase on the road to gratitude.”
Politician Buys Fast Food, Establishing Grasp Of Everyman Struggles “I ate the fries. Cold ones, even. That’s how committed I am to understanding your pain.”
New Party Courts American-Olim Vote With Decent Pizza, Bagels, Cookies The For Olim – Overdue Decency (FOOD) Party promises to impose standards.
Islamist Voters Somehow Making Hell Even Worse An impressed Lucifer could mutter only, “Damn. Literally.”
Eastern Orthodox Voters To Hold Nakba Day Events On May 28 “Observing on the true date lets us highlight how even time itself conspires against the Palestinian narrative.”
Ben-Gvir Unsure Whether Noose In Mailbox A Threat Or Endorsement He used noose imagery to champion a death-penalty-for-terrorists law.
Religious Zionism Party On Verge Of Losing, Rabbis OK Fundraising Via Feet Pics “No high heels, no bright colors, no flexing. But some people can make anything dirty.”
Trump Lends Bibi Teflon Suit “Top-of-the-line, nothing sticks to it, believe me.”
Handing critics an easy narrative: tough talk, zero follow-through.
War Actually Bibi Plot To Get Tel Aviv Leftists Killed By Iran Missiles Iran’s Foreign Ministry stopped short of denying its missiles’ utility in Israeli domestic score-settling.
Party Of Anti-Zionist Atheists Pray To God They Meet Electoral Threshold pragmatism appears to be overtaking principle.
Same Old Impasse: Likud And Opposition To Merge Into ‘Groundhog Day’ Party “After years of the same headlines, why keep printing new ones?”
Haredi Parties Relieved Wasteful Spending A Permitted Kind Of Pork New budget clears the way for continued unimpeded violation of other, more serious prohibitions such as embezzlement, deceit, and parasitism.
Cesspool Offended At Comparison To Knesset “At least a cesspool performs an essential public service.”
Activist At Loss Without Hostage Rallies To Hijack Against Bibi For regular demonstrators, it represents something close to an existential career crisis.
Activists Declare 45-Minute Hunger Strike In Solidarity With Palestinian Detainees Still hungrier than anyone in Gaza.
Israeli Left Scratches Maduro From Shortlist Of Electoral Saviors “Who’s left? Literally?”
Left-Wing Parties, NGOs Glad For EU Funding, Don’t Need Minnesota Daycare Fraud Schemes Walz apparently believes his state’s welfare system exists to fund foreigners, currently mostly Somalians, so why not Israeli left-wingers?
Hunger Strike For Your Cause: New Diet Plan Turns Political Rage Into Weight Loss “Political outrage? That’s renewable energy.”
Polls Now Pitting Netanyahu Against Cheeses; ‘More Credible Than Current Rivals’ Parmesan, while outpolling both Gantz and Lapid, fares poorly when pitted against Netanyahu.
Mass-Incarceration Proponents Tout Data Showing 75% Cut In Crime If All MKs Jailed The reduction in crime reaches 92% if local government officials are also confined.
City Councilman Vows 50% Increase In Useless Resolutions “All we have is bold statements, resolutions, and ‘firm commitments’ that can never amount to anything.”
Death Penalty For Terrorists Gains 100% Support If Also Applied To ‘Influencers’ Even legislators traditionally opposed to capital punishment on either political or ideological grounds shifted position.
Knesset Plumbing System Unable To Handle Quantity Of Crap Spewing Forth The Oslo Peace Process could only be sustained with a firehose of horses**t.
Amid Decline, Leftists Claim Bibi Plotted 10/7 to Cull Leftist Voters “It’s absurd to suggest that our camp, the pro-democracy camp, can’t attract a democratic majority, or even plurality.”
Opponents Pin Hopes On Tiresome Anti-Bibi YouTube Ads Voters have not, to date, understood the importance of toppling Netanyahu from power at all costs.
Hamas Statisticians Ready To Claim Arab Parties Won 300% Of Vote In Next Israeli Election Arab parties currently hold a total of ten Knesset seats.
Israeli Political Parties Struggle To Attract US Immigrants Used To Larger-Scale Corruption The difference between the two cohorts of criminals renders the Israeli political class a pale, D-List imitation at best.
Anti-Netanyahu Protesters Know Their Skin Too Light To Get Away With Too Much Violence “Let’s not get carried away thinking that we, too, can engage in hundreds of acts of violence a day against Jews and face only occasional reactions.”
Still Too Soon For Shamed Leftists To Pretend They Were Always Skeptical Of Palestinian Intentions It will take years until their credulous pasts fade in the memories of those who know them, or until enough of the people who knew of their gullibility die.
Labor Party Launches Campaign Slogan: ‘Vote for Us, We’re Still Here, Technically’ Labor must do the hard work of disassociating itself from the now-untouchable land-for-peace paradigm.
Grassroots Israeli Movement Aims To Blockade Food Deliveries To Knesset “It’s unconscionable to be supplying the enemy with necessities.”
Occult Spirits Employed By Israel To Neutralize Iranian Defenses Plan To Run For Knesset “We’re just fed up with spending our time there, and Israel is just a better place to spend our existence – eternal or otherwise.”
Bibi Obviously Prolonging War That Hamas Refuses To End Signs all over the country urge the political leadership to accept a deal that has never been forthcoming.
Polls Show Only One Man Can Get More Votes Than Bibi: Trump It hardly matters whether Trump accepts leadership of a party that currently sits in the Coalition or in the Opposition.
Missiles Disrupt Knesset Session; Israeli Opinion Of Iran Skyrockets Public opinion of Iran has improved to close to 60% favorability.
Frustrated Anti-Bibi Protesters Look At U.S… Maybe Missing Ingredient A Bunch Of Mexican Flags? They see the hullabaloo over illegal immigration and deportation in the US and the way it has energized Democrats.
Solomon Admits ‘Futility Of Futilities’ Punchier But Less Evocative Than ‘Knesset Bloviation’ “Knesset bloviations of Knesset bloviations” rolls off the tongue or quill with a distinct lack of smoothness.
Supreme Court Orders Government To Cede Seat On Judge-Selection Committee To Hamas Only fair to put Hamas on the committee that selects judges to rule on cases affecting Israel’s conduct of war.
Neglectful Founders Forgot To Include Law That Prime Minister Must Quit If Elites Don’t Like Him “A healthy system has checks and balances that allow for the people with the correct opinions to get rid of those who don’t agree.”
Hostage Deal Backers Team With Climate Alarmists: If You Oppose Our Desperate Solutions, You Don’t Care About The Issue “Proponents of Affirmative Action were talking like this long, long before we picked up the practice.”
Investigators Shocked At Government Official *Not* On Qatari Payroll “It’s highly suspicious.”
Supreme Court Rules Voters Must Vote As Directed By Supreme Court Lest the officials chosen by the electorate decide to act in accordance with the will of the people.
Embattled At Home, Bibi Mulls Giving US Evangelicals Voting Rights Prominent evangelicals are among the most enthusiastic and most assertive Zionists.
Passover Cleaning: Bibi Finds Oct 7 Deterrent Hiding Behind Old ‘Concept’ Netanyahu examined the deterrence for several minutes, then put it back behind the appeasement.
Desperate Far-Left Party Chooses Rabbi Linda Goldstein As Next Head “Initially, I resisted, because Israel’s far-left is too far-right for me.”
Poll Finds Israelis Uniformly In Favor Of Imaginary Perfect Way To Retrieve Hostages, Pacify Gaza Mind-boggling that no one has exploited the political opportunity to produce such a plan.
Far-Left Parties Hoping To Attract Disappointed Right-Wing Voters Because At Least Total Surrender Would Be Decisive “This possibility allows us not to have to change anything.”
Ben-Gvir: Moving Gazans Out Not Ethnic ‘Cleansing’ Because Place Will Still Be Filthy “Though, again, everyone knows I wouldn’t have a problem with that, per se.”
Leftists Hoping Barriers To Kahanist Candidates Better Than Barriers With Gaza “If the anti-Kahane safeguards fail as well? We’re in for REAL trouble.”
Men Behind Worst Failure, Worst War Decisions, Worst Hostage Deal, Expect To Be Reelected The confidence involves the unfortunate fact that any potential alternative candidates are no better.
Dignitaries Skip Knesset, Visit Israeli Supreme Court Because That’s Where Laws Made Now The Knesset contains nothing but a collection of self-important, narcissistic, short-sighted, bloviating clowns.
Abbas Mulls Elections If Pace Of Israel Imprisoning Hamas Members, Supporters Continues Plausible for the Raïs to issue a call perhaps by the end of 2025, for elections to take place by the middle of 2026.
Opposition Closer To Claiming Bibi Behind 10/7 As Pretext To Take Down Iran, Proxies If enough voters see the victories as sufficient to make up for Black Sabbath, he might secure yet another term.