Regime Vowing Destruction Of Israel Attacks Every Neighbor But Israel Regime defenders assured reporters Iran will strike "the Zionist Entity" with "a crushing blow" any day now, just you wait.
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Middle East
Regime Vowing Destruction Of Israel Attacks Every Neighbor But Israel 
Iranian Central Bank Introduces New Unit of Currency: The ‘Wheelbarrowful’ The cardboard cutout of Mojtaba Khamenei now ruling the country was produced at an estimated cost of eight Wheelbarrowfuls.
Lebanon About Ready To Drive Palestinian ‘Refugees’ Into Sea "It’s deep. It’s wet. And it’s not Lebanese territory. Perfect.”
Anti-Israel Migrants Obviously Invading Spain At Israel's Behest A slam-dunk proof using the evidence "Everyone knows it's true.”
Palestinian Whose Surname Means 'Egyptian' Calls Netanyahu 'Mileikowsky' "It's a slam dunk who's indigenous and who just happens to be here now."
Iran Threatens Israel With Even Louder Threats The much-vaunted "axis of resistance" has proven conspicuously reluctant to fire anything meaningful at Israel itself.
Study: Turkish Cyprus Occupation 'Not Remotely Like' Israel's, Because Reasons “This is different because shut up.”
Hamas Schedules Elections For 1st Of Octember Some look forward to the traditional ritual of tossing defeated rivals off of Gaza rooftops.
Ayatollahs Give Trump Family EZ-Pass Monopoly For Hormuz Toll Collection “This will be an even bigger success than the tariffs.”
Plankton Prays It Decays Into Gas Under Israeli Waters, Not Failed State Lebanon “We have standards.”
Man Picked Wrong Time To Launch Boat Rental Business In Strait Of Hormuz Working slogan: “Get a different view of the floating mines!”
Iraqi Official Denies Israel Set Up Base In His Bedroom Opposition lawmakers in Baghdad demanded an immediate investigation.
Iran Threatens To Cut Off Persian Gulf States’ Supply Of Slave Labor The sheikhs will have to vacuum their own Bentleys.
Oil Glut Forces Iran To Store Excess In Your Mom Estimates suggest she can absorb an additional 18–22 million barrels before reaching critical saturation.
Iran Still Hoping Putin Might Interrupt ‘3-Day Special Ukraine Operation’ To Aid Them Russian tanks, advanced air defenses, or a major diversionary front will materialize soon, just you wait.
Tehran Bachelor Boasts ‘8-Figure Salary’ On Match.com, But It’s Iranian Rials “It means you can almost afford the yogurt with the good bacteria.”
Iran Regime Leadership Still More Secure Than Knicks Coaches “Nor, thanks to Allah, have we approached anywhere near the degraded turnover rate of NY Yankees managers under George Steinbrenner.”
Regime Supporters: Iran Has Weapons So Secret, Their Effects Are Undetectable “You can’t be too careful. Disbelieving the claims would also be Islamophobic.”
US Students: Iran Campus Protests Clearly Fake Because No One Screeching About Gaza “Upset about their own government? I strongly suspect it’s a Zionist op.”
Thousands Feared Dead In WWIII That Erupted In Regime Shill Heads After US Struck Iran The masses continue ordinary life, woefully ignorant of the Armageddon supposedly visited upon them.
IRGC Struggles To Counter US Plan To Release 30-50 Feral Hogs The effort highlights the challenges of countering low-tech, high-chaos tactics in a high-steaks environment.
Gaza Grifters Struggle To Keep Cash Flowing As Actual Crises Overshadow Theirs Nothing matches Gaza’s emotional ROI, or inherent potential to mobilize antisemites, but its appeal still fades.
Palestinians Baffled as Iranians Prioritize Freedom, Dignity, Over Dying for Gaza Who do those Iranians think they are, anyway?
Regime Dismisses ‘Death To The Dictator’ as ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ “It’s just a stutter,” insisted President Masoud Pezeshkian. “The biggest scandal anyone can point to is a tan suit.”
Trump Conditions Help To Iran Protesters On Renaming Tehran ‘Trump’ “Simple. The best name. Trump, Iran. Has a nice ring, doesn’t it? Better than Tehran, which sounds like a bad deal.”
Bold New Theoretical Model Suggests Possibility Of Not Blaming Jews For Everything “That’s when it hit us: maybe, just maybe, some issues are random or even… self-inflicted?”
NGOs Insist Turkish Exception To Settler-Colonialism Being Evil Around Here Somewhere NGOs urged the public to focus anger exclusively on settler-colonial projects that do not involve a country controlling vital migration routes to Europe.
Human Rights Groups To Israel: Deploy Imperial Stormtroopers in Gaza; ‘Inability to Hit Targets’ Stormtrooper units routinely fire thousands of blaster bolts while registering fewer than eight confirmed, non-plot-critical hits.
Spiking Sales Of Antisemitic Literature In Arab World At Least Means People Are Reading Novels, poetry collections, cookbooks, self-help guides, and children’s literature all posted declines ranging from 11 to 37 percent.
Blame-Israel Strategy So Far Unsuccessful In Addressing Iran Water Crisis Despite decades of blaming Israel for the country’s ills, the impending exhaustion of Iran’s water resources draws ever closer.
Free Version Chosen For Houthi Rocket App; 30-Second Ad Plays Before Launch “You’d think they could hire some people to develop adequate software for these systems, instead of forcing us to wait forever before we can click on the little x.”
Foreign Volunteers Dig In Gaza For Elusive Innocent Palestinians Their existence looms large in rhetoric but they have escaped observation by actual humans outside the maelstrom of Pallywood.
Gazan So Relieved Now Hamas, Not Israel, Torturing, Killing His Family “I feel so much better now that it’s Hamas shooting my son’s kneecaps than my daughters dying because Hamas forced them to stay in a building the Zionists bombed.”
Gaza Genocide Continues Unabated In Israel-Hater Imaginations That imaginary realm also features a substantive difference between anti-Zionism and antisemitism.
UN Declares Success In Not Delivering Aid To Gazans It denounced the US-backed Gaza Humanitarian Foundation for delivering more than two million meals.
Society With Surames Meaning ‘Egyptian’ ‘Kurd’ ‘Hijazi’ ‘Aleppine’ Calls ‘Judeans’ Alien To Judea Still other Palestinian clans bear names of tribes that arrived in the last two hundred years from various parts of Arabia.
Hamas Also Hoarding All The Ozempic The profile of users calling the reports lies revealed candidates for Ozempic prescriptions.
Qatar OK With Accepting Black Gazans, As Slave Labor The term for “Black” in Arabic is “Abed,” meaning “slave.”
Gaza Photographer Must Keep Asking Fat Guys To Stop Blocking His Shot Of Starving Kids “Maybe if we had some emaciated adults, we could produce a more convincing body of work.”
Egypt Willing To Resettle Palestinians In Some Country Other Than Egypt “I hear Qatar is lovely at certain times of year.”
Houthis Admit Missiles, Piracy Only Way To Reassure Selves That They Matter Their society has contributed nothing of note to humanity in hundreds of years, perhaps ever.
Mideast Peace: Israel Haters Put In Looping Simulation Where They Win The rest of the world can then develop in peace, absent the ethnic and ideological tensions that have stymied regional advancement for at least a hundred years.
Paranoid Khamenei Panics Upon Learning Kitchen Full Of Suspicious White Powders “Is THAT anthrax??” he continued, pointing to yet more flour.
Hezbollah Money Woes Continues As Internal Needs Cut Exports Of Copium Members and supporters have consumed copium in large quantities since “Operation Grim Beeper” last year.
Israeli Strikes Playing Havoc With Khamenei’s Diaper Supply “This is genocide,” Amnesty International posted on social media.
Culture Whose Word For Blacks Means ‘Slave’ Calls Country That Rescued Blacks From Famine ‘Racist’ Arab society both within and outside of Israel relegates its African population to permanent underclass status.
Houthis Celebrate As Plane Falls Off Model Aircraft Carrier In Bedroom Of US Admiral’s Son Houthi fighters appear eager to seize any moral victory, however small and symbolic.
Scientists Isolate Unique Palestinian Gene For Permanent Refugee Status All others displaced in human history have been forced to establish new lives and build themselves up instead of depending on perpetual largesse of others while nursing grievances.
Arab Curricula Signal Détente By Downgrading Jews From ‘Prophet Killers’ To ‘Thieves’ “No society that accused Jews of dishonesty has ever progressed from there to any violence against Jews, or anything.”
Israeli Physicists Turn Impotent Islamist Rage Into Power Source “This energy source is effectively unlimited.”
Palestinians See Tel Aviv Real Estate Prices, Drop ‘Right Of Return’ Demand “It’s just that… well, it seems impractical, given the information now available to us.”
Hopeful Pro-Turkish-Democracy Pundits Again Forgetting Erdogan DGAF And Will Violently Repress Whatever He Wants “There’s no way he will be able to withstand the moral force of their arguments and their outrage.”
Khamenei Declares Yemen Victorious Again As Fuel Depots Successfully Detonate US Missiles Analysts cautioned that Iran might not be able to survive many more victories.
Press Coverage Of Move To Daylight Saving: Israel Steals Hour From Palestinians “Yet another manifestation of the oppression of Israeli Occupation.”
Qatar To Absorb Gaza Palestinians, Replace Other Slave Labor As many as 15,000 migrants died just in preparations for the 2022 World Cup.
Queers For Palestine Insist Will Be Just Fine In Gaza, Once Trump Empties It “They say Hamas would throw us off buildings if we went to Gaza, but there aren’t so many buildings in Gaza now.”
Falling Rial Prompts Iran To Adopt Israeli Shekel To Stabilize Currency “Our Palestinian proxies already have amassed great quantities of it. We just need to siphon all that back.”
Regime That Actually Controls US Policies Finds Your Obsession With Israel Hilarious “Like, you don’t even understand that AIPAC isn’t Israeli.”
Israel’s Enemies Trying To Make Nightmare Scenario Of ‘Greater Israel’ Unavoidable “All because they couldn’t just leave Israel alone.”
Arabian Desert Countries Offer Water To Los Angeles To Fight Fires Leaders in the Gaza Strip have offered to spare some of the copious humanitarian aid flowing into the territory.