Efrat, July 22 - Local household sources reported today that a full seventeen twentieths of speech within the Scharfman residence consists of asking for repetition of the last thing said because it was said from either too far away, behind a closed door, or rendered inaudible amid someone’s unnecessarily-loud playlist.

Various family members and frequent guests in the two-story house on HaZayit Street have noted the phenomenon, which until about three years ago only accounted for sixty percent of household discourse, and for at least six years before that, only about thirty percent.

“I swear, these walls must absorb sound,” stated Miriam Scharfman, 47. “I spend entirely too much time repeating myself or asking for clarification because someone else can’t observe the basic principles of clear communication.”

Her husband Dan, 50, agreed. “We’ve always tried to instill in our children the importance of communicating,” he noted. “Eye contact, acknowledgement that you’ve heard, that sort of thing. And we try. But you know how it goes. It was hard enough to maintain that with no kids, or one kid. But now we have five…”

The steep, echoey stairwell has become ground zero. From the top landing, 14-year-old Shira will bellow for a towel while her playlist thumps at concert levels because “earbuds hurt my ears.” Down in the kitchen, Miriam cups a hand to her ear and shouts back, “What?!” Three times. By the fourth exchange, someone has usually walked halfway down the stairs only to realize the original request was for a phone charger, not a towel.

“It’s not just the volume,” sighed 17-year-old Avi, who keeps his bedroom door shut “for privacy” while streaming drill beats that rattle the light fixtures. “They’re getting older. Mom claims the pregnancies stole her high frequencies. Dad’s hearing is shot from all… well, Dad’s kinda lame and never went to a single rock concert in his life, so I don’t know what’s going on there. He’s just aging, I guess. So now we all just yell ‘What?’ like it’s the family motto.”

Unofficial reports from Dan suggest that some of the “What?” content has been not strictly an expression of failure to hear, and more indicative of a tactic to filter out essential, important, urgent communication from the firehose of blather that issues from some other members of the family, following the principle that if really, really cannot wait, it must not require his attention, but don’t you DARE let on that he employs this measure with Miriam.

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