Committee To Protect Journalists: Israel Targets Journalists Launching Incendiary Kites From Gaza "Shooting down a kite carrying a burning rag soaked in flammable liquid is shooting down journalism itself.”
Committee To Protect Journalists: Israel Targets Journalists Launching Incendiary Kites From Gaza "Shooting down a kite carrying a burning rag soaked in flammable liquid is shooting down journalism itself.”
Progressives Split Over IDF Deployment Of Transgender Prison Guards Voices that shrug at hangings in Havana or honor killings in Gaza suddenly discover moral clarity when Israeli is involved.
October 7 Participant Unclear On Why Americans So Opposed To Mass Shootings "Americans are largely infidels, and their violent deaths deserve celebration.”
Israel's 'Iron Bamba' System To Shield US From Iranian Peanut-Antigen Bioweapon Delivered via the same chemtrails that the US and other governments have deployed for decades to pacify populations.
Jihadis Vow To End 'Zionist Occupation' By Jews Living Rent-Free In Enemies' Heads Supporters of that approach point to the rich Islamic tradition of beheading.
Normal Thing Heinous Because Done By IDF "We should have been explicit about 'Jews may not defend themselves' from the get-go."
NGOs Vow To Produce Actual Evidence Of IDF Targeting Children Any Year Now “We’re This Close,” Say Groups Still Citing Hamas Health Ministry Numbers From 2023
Trump’s Surrender To Iran Is Much More Our Speed By France
IDF Using Bomb-Shaped Bombs To Look Like Palestinian Children’s Toys “Cultural appropriation of our toy industry.”
Israel’s Drive To Kick Dependence On US Military Evidence Of Something Nefarious, Activists Promise Israel is both a fragile client state dependent on Washington’s largesse and an all-powerful lobby that puppeteers the entire U.S. government.
IDF Deploys Rednecks With Shotguns, Neutralizes Hezbollah Drone Threat Hezbollah called the new measure “toothless,” unaware of how how right and wrong they were at the same time.
Hormuz Bloodbath: Gaza Flotilla Hits Wrong Blockade “From the river to the sea… why is that guy speaking Farsi?”
NGOs Demand Israel Kill More Palestinians To Make Genocide Accusations Credible “At this rate we’ll look like complete idiots at the ICJ,” warn activists
Superman Nixes Further Collaboration With IDF: ‘Paperwork Worse Than Kryptonite’ “This isn’t Metropolis. We have protocols.”
Mossad Cripples IRGC Communications With Automatic Reply-All Setting “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
IDF Issues Soldiers “PRESS” Vests After Media Treatment Of Terrorists Wearing Them The Committee to Protect Journalists insists the vests be reserved for “verified members of the press” who somehow never notice rockets fired from hospitals.
Buildings In Hamas-Ruled Gaza Collapse: More Tunnels Than Solid Ground Aid workers told reporters that they are still working on ways to blame Israel for the phenomenon.
Israel’s Enemies Pivot Entirely To A.I. Image Realm, Where At Least They Can Look Like They’re Winning Millions of shares across sympathetic platforms before fact-checkers can even load the page.
Pakistan Alarmed That India May Deploy Non-Open-Sewer Technology “The competence and concern for citizenry smacks suspiciously of Zionism.”
Iran Rejects Proposal To Relinquish Enriched Antisemitism Tehran insists its program is for countering existential threats, in line with historical justifications for antisemitic rhetoric globally.
Beirut’s Plan To Disarm Hezbollah: Wait For Israel To Do It Each wave conveniently clears inventory without Beirut needing to lift a finger or risk internal fracture.
Hamas Demands Do-Over, Claims They Get One Free Genocide Attempt “You can’t hold us accountable for draft one. That’s like criticizing a chef for burning the first pancake.”
IDF War Games Consider Scenario Of Enemies Developing Brains The simulated enemies opt for radical tactics such as “not starting unwinnable wars.”
Draft Dodger Dodges Police — IDF Sees Commando Potential “He has stealth, he has speed, he had an exit strategy, he had situational awareness.”
Air In Palestinian Areas Contains 21% Oxygen, Toxic To Many Species Of Bacteria The United Nations has called for an independent investigation into “atmospheric rights violations.”
Off-Duty IDF Soldiers Perpetrate Genocide Against Case Of Beer Evidence at the scene suggests that at least one half of the contents of one bottle, drained toward the end of the massacre, spilled onto a table and floor rather than into the mouth of any of the perpetrators.
Palestinian Rape-Jewish-Women Strategy Yet To Prove Itself Militarily But it does sometimes make the men doing it feel powerful.
New Superweapon: Brain Implant With Loop Of Teen K-Pop Fans Singing Off-Key, Wrong Lyrics The system will also interest law enforcement agencies.
Ferris Bueller Hacks Into Hague Courts, ‘Adjusts’ Records On IDF Footage showed a Caucasian male wearing a leather jacket over a white t-shirt and sweater vest, devastatingly handsome.
IDF Downs Drones Carrying Dowry Goats And 9-Year-Old To Gaza Earlier attempts tried to fly donkeys into Gaza, to serve a similar conjugal role.
NGOs: Ceasefire Line Markers Disrupt Gaza Rubble Ecosystems “Our friends in Gaza tell us that Israel has massacred hundreds of thousands of innocent pregnant animal journalists.”
Palestinian Victory Brought Closer By Yelling ‘Go Back To Poland!’ At Iranian-Born Israeli “That Khazar doesn’t belong anywhere but in Poland, or Russia, or wherever it is Jews really come from.”
Hamas Cross-Dresser FINALLY Picked For Dress-As-Woman-To-Plant-IED Mission “I know the shoes don’t matter for a getup like this, but I have just the pair in mind.”
Terrorist Hiding Behind Civilians Taunts IDF To ‘Come Fight Like Real Men’ “You’re afraid!”
Venezuela Cartel Suddenly All Journalists, Humanitarian Workers Just as every dead Hamas or Hezbollah fighter became a pregnant child journalist aid worker in NGO reports.
Hamas Assures Gazans It Worth It To Suffer, Die For Islamist Vision That Will Never Materialize The two million suffering people of the Gaza Strip need only wait an eternity.
Mounting Casualties May Force Hamas To Use Adult Fighters “We are running out of front-line children.”
IDF’s Biggest PR Hurdle In Planned Assault: ‘Experts’ Who Can’t Distinguish Gaza Strip, City “We’re talking about people who don’t realize there’s a difference between the West Bank and the Gaza Strip to begin with.”
Assassin Infiltrates Israel, Sees How Much Better It Is Than Iran, Abandons Mission “What’s the point of advancing the agenda of the Islamic Revolution if it can’t deliver the goods the way Zionism has?”
IDF Stockpile Of Challah Rolls Might Be Insufficient To Thwart Another Greta Flotilla They only have stockpiles of the standard Israeli roll somewhere between a hot dog bun, only denser, and a baguette, only softer and smoother.
Battle Damage Assessments: Khamenei Can Still Access Grindr Account The 86-year-old has committed hundreds of atrocities on the site.
Desperate Pro-Hamas Propagandists Resort To Looney Tunes Clips As Evidence Of IDF Atrocities A logical extension of the cartoonish accusations against Israel.
Iran Air Defense Hacked Again, Rickrolled Only to have the system speakers launch into the characteristic opening drum sequence of Never Gonna Give You Up.
Dolphin That Snagged Greta’s Thrown-Overboard iPhone Disturbed At Content The pod shared a sense of relief at having caught only those two phones.
Gaza Resident Develops Makeshift Weapon To End War: White Flag “Optimally, you want to deploy it from a commanding vantage point so direct exposure to it affects the maximum area of the battle zone.”
Fearing Israeli Strikes, Ayatollah Clears Space In Deep Bunker For Goat Porn Collection Morale has taken more than a decade to recover from a 2014 episode that saw Israeli agents steal the Ayatollah’s entire tentacle porn archive.
Hamas Insists Any Ceasefire Must Include ‘Hamas Totally Didn’t Lose’ Proviso “It might look like Israeli actions somehow forced Hamas into this position, where it looks weakened.”
Israel To Force Released Prisoners To Thank Them For Screening Of Last 3 Star Wars Films The statement will also include the assertion that Episodes 7-9 are superior to 1-3. Ofer Prison, May 4 – Taking a page from the Hamas public relations playbook, the next exchange of incarcerated Palestinians as part any upcoming hostage deal will feature a public ceremony in which the soon-to-be-free men will, with armed guards standing …
Ayatollahs Blame Israel Destroying Gaza Tunnels For Tehran Sinking Into Emptying Aquifer Tehran’s subsidence exceeds the normal rate for a metropolis of its size by six hundred percent.
Israel Issues Photos Of Bombed Teslas In Gaza, Gains 99% Democrat Support Comments such as “This is what our military aid to Israel should be used for.”
Gazan Insists If Reward For Releasing Hostages Were $5,000,001 Instead Of Measly $5M, He’d Have Jumped At It Some versions of the offer also included safe passage out of Gaza.
Israel Considers ‘Sponsor Riots In The West’ Policy Of Its Own if Israel can marshal thuggery to showcase its grassroots support, the public relations playing field might tilt less to Israel’s detriment.
Hamas: IDF’s Low Civilian Death Figures Would Only Count If Truth Mattered “Everyone knows how absurd that would be.”
Hamas Vows To Rebuild Clothing Store Named ‘Hitler’ The movement has chosen Hitler 3 as one of its flagship reconstruction tasks.
Bibi: *This* Time Releasing 1000s Of Murderers Won’t Turn Out Bloody, Unlike All Prior Times Because reasons.
Ground-Clearing In Gaza Begins For Trump Presidential Library Trump has not ruled out satellite presidential libraries in the US.
New UN Agency For Gaza Refugees Who Left Refugee Camps The United Nations Redundant Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRRWA) will begin operations in March.
Hamas To Just Build Children Directly Into Walls Next Time “People sometimes have to move. But not if you make them part of the structure.”
Red Triangle Shortage Hampering Hamas Achievements Other shapes, even if available, do not offer the versatility and efficiency of the triangle in battlefield situations.
Biggest Success Of Anti-Israel Resistance: Causing Israel To Take Even More Land “It’s amazing what we can achieve when we really try.”