Showing 241–300 of 622 articles · Page 5 of 11
MLB Canceled, Sox Fan Still Has Israel To Hate “Not that I think Israel’s existence is a good thing per se,” he hurried to clarify. Boston, April 6 – Coronavirus has forced numerous entertainment enterprises to shut down for the foreseeable future, including big-time operations such as Major League Baseball, but one follower of his local team admitted gratitude that Israel remains as a …
Europeans Stymied By Lack Of Jews To Massacre Over Plague “All we can do is practice social distancing and increase testing. It’s going to be rough.” Madrid, March 26 – As coronavirus overwhelms medical systems across the continent, local and national figures have voiced increasing concern that their society’s traditional response to outbreaks of disease will prove impracticable, given the paucity of Jewish communities at …
The National Guard imposed the siege despite a complete lack of rockets, incendiary balloons, attack tunnels, and other military threats. New Rochelle, New York, March 17 – A Palestinian spending time on this side of the Atlantic found himself subject today to a genuine cordon that imposes severe restrictions on the movement of people and …
Liz Warren Inspired By Palestinian Dedication To Lost Cause “I, too, persist in categorizing myself as indigenous to a place when in reality, my ancestors were the colonizers.” Boston, March 5 – A Massachusetts senator campaigning to become the Democratic Party’s nominee for the next US presidential election, and who has failed so far to attract a significant share of the party’s voters to …
Palestinians To China: Have You Tried Fighting Coronavirus With Terrorism? “Accepting anything other than total triumph, total humiliation of the disease before you drive it into the sea, would constitute betrayal.” Ramallah, February 25 – Leaders of the Palestinian national liberation movement repeated their offer offer of assistance this week to the People’s Republic of China in the latter’s efforts to combat a virulent respiratory …
Candidate Hopes To Dispel Stereotype Of Rich Jews By Impoverishing Everyone “There’s no way this goes sideways.” Montpelier, VT, February 13 – A lifelong politician and committed socialist vowed again today to combat the pernicious, widespread assumption that Jews enrich themselves at the expense of others, through the imposition of an economic system to guarantee no one, including Jews, ever has enough, let alone gets or …
Protests: Ban On Sex With Animals To Prevent Coronavirus ‘Discriminatory’ “Two, four, six, eight, no bestiality means hate! Three, five, seven, nine, so what if my lover’s ovine?!” London, February 5 – Activists demonstrated here today against World Health Organization guidelines to prevent the further spread of a dangerous pathogen, insisting that preaching avoidance of sexual contact with farm animals constitutes prejudice against groups for …
Tlaib Apologizes For Deleting Tweet Falsely Accusing Israel Of Killing Palestinian Boy The lawmaker resolved to stick to her anti-Israel and antisemitic rhetorical guns – though she has not specifically ruled out non-rhetorical ones. Washington, January 28 – A Congresswoman who shared a false online post regarding a Palestinian child, according to which Israeli authorities kidnapped and murdered him,when in fact the boy had fallen into water …
Climate Change Proving Difficult Cause For Palestinians To Hijack The fight against climate change doesn’t register as a priority among enough people outside the Soros-funded matrix of NGOs. Melbourne, January 16 – Progressive activists seeking to link every cause to the struggle for Palestinian independence confessed today they have yet to arrive at a successful formula for making the fight against long-term, human-induced atmospheric …
Jews Selfishly Hogging Limelight By Getting Killed “The rest of us have to manufacture concepts such as ‘Islamophobia’ to get attention.” New York, January 8 – American social justice activists voiced annoyance again today at members of the Hebrew persuasion for claiming all the compelling roles of victim for themselves by getting shot and stabbed to death, while other minorities must settle for being …
American Jewish Orgs Condemn ‘Stabbing In All Its Forms’ “As a nation we must join in decrying stabbing, whether occur via fish fork, hunting knife, Swiss Army knife, crochet hook, or even scalpel.” New York, December 30 – Prominent Jewish groups all over the United States reacted over the weekend to the Saturday night stabbing attack at a Monsey, NY Rabbi’s home, by issuing …
France Vows To Protect Remaining Undefaced Jewish Tombstone Police will reassign officers who until now have guarded synagogues, yeshivas, and other Jewish community institutions. Paris, December 19 – The government of President Emmanuel Macron made a formal commitment today to safeguard the one Jewish grave marker in the country that has yet to suffer antisemitic vandalism. A spokesman for the president addressed journalists …
Hamas Blasts Efforts To Interfere With Hamas Efforts To Interfere With UK Elections “Corbyn is our friend, after all, and not just on Facebook.” Gaza City, December 10 – Members of the Islamist militant group that governs this coastal territory criticized today attempts to compromise the work of the organization’s unit to manipulate public opinion in Britain in favor of the Labour Party under Jeremy Corbyn, calling those attempts …
Rights Groups: Lack Of Palestinian Flags In Hong Kong Means They Don’t Really Want Freedom If Palestinian flags prove hard to come by in Hong Kong, protesters could always express solidarity with Palestinians by attacking Jews. Hong Kong, November 28 – Months of pro-democracy and anti-Beijing protests in this former British possession, governed by China for the last twenty years, features zero or very few banners with the red, black, …
‘Vote Corbyn – Vote Palestine!’ Cry Britons Accusing Jews Of Dual Loyalties The phenomenon of combating the dual loyalty of Jews to Israel with the dual loyalty of others to Palestine has migrated far beyond Britain’s borders, and in fact originated in the Muslim world. Islington, November 20 – Britain’s Opposition Leader in Parliament faces an uphill battle in the coming national elections, but one group of constituents hopes …
Methuselah Actually Flattered By ‘OK, Boomer’ “I’ll take it,” he muttered. “Not every day someone mistakes a guy my age for someone born between 1946 and 1964.” City of Enoch, November 11 – The oldest human in the world feels no insult at all when millennials and other young people attempt to dismiss his opinions by associating them with the post-World-War-II …
Omar Warns Recognizing Armenian Genocide Leads To Recognizing Holocaust, Israel, Jewish Rights “Maybe one day when recognizing the Armenian Genocide doesn’t carry so many risks that put my antisemitic anti-Zionism in jeopardy, we can reconsider this question.” Washington, October 31 – One of the few Congressional representatives not to vote in favor of a resolution recognizing the organized mass-killing of more than a million Armenian Christians by …
Organization Deeply Sorry It Omitted Jews From Holocaust Message Again Similar omissions have occurred fifteen times since the Diversity Alliance was launched in 2015, only two thirds of which the group has acknowledged. New York, October 10 – A political association apologized today for neglecting to include in its list of groups affected by Nazi persecution any mention of the one group Nazis singled out for targeting …
Antisemites Polishing Up CVs As Democratic Campaigns Compete To Hire Them “These developments mean we can continue our important advocacy work opposing Jewish self-determination and granting legitimacy to anti-Jewish behavior.” Burlington, September 24 – Jew-haters find themselves in demand among the pool of potential applicants for positions with the presidential and other election campaigns getting into gear across the US, members of the cohort reported Tuesday. …
Roger Waters Denies Flying On Epstein’s Jet More Than Like 5 Or 6 Times The trips on Epstein’s plane, which took place between 1990 and 2016, occurred as part of the musician’s ongoing advocacy for Palestinian rights. New York, September 12 – The publicists for a former Pink Floyd front man sought to downplay reports today that their client had made frequent trips on the private aircraft of a …
China Cancels Adoption Of Judaism, Fearing Muslim Nations Will No Longer Endorse Its Repression Of Muslims “The precedent of the Jewish state of Israel, which engages in all the same activities as any other state but somehow attracts inexplicable venom from the Muslim world, indicates what awaits China should it embark on this Judaism policy.” Beijing, September 5 – The People’s Republic of China stepped away today from an anticipated policy …
Hamas Claims Credit For Burning Amazon With Incendiary Balloons President Jair Bolsonaro has established close ties with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, making his country a legitimate target in Palestinian and Islamist eyes. Brasilia, August 27 – The Islamist movement governing the Gaza Strip that uses kites, helium balloons, and other low-tech conveyances to ignite brush fires and other conflagrations across the border in …
Suffering Michiganders Hope Tlaib Takes Time Out Of Palestine Trip To Visit Them Residents hope that Ms. Tlaib might deign to set aside some of her time to meet with them and see their trouble in person, since she harbors such concern for people of color and their struggle against systemic prejudice. Flint, August 15 – Residents of this beleaguered neighbor of Detroit voiced expectation today that as …
Corbyn Supporter Pretending To Be Jewish Almost As Convincing As William Shatner Singing ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’ He attends his “Jewish church” and quotes such famous Jewish figures as Jesus. London, August 7 – An anonymous Twitter user claiming to see eye-to-eye with the leader of the UK Labour Party on every issue, and who defends him most vociferously on the issue of the party’s systemic antisemitism problem, also puts himself forth …
Anti-Zionist Hates Assumption He Antisemitic Just Because Anti-Zionism Antisemitic “I have no problem with Jews. My problem is with Jews who try to make trouble by claiming Jews have the same rights as other nations.” New York, July 29 – An activist opposed to the existence of Israel as a Jewish state resents that people automatically conclude he hates Jews based solely on the …
Labour Solution To Members’ Antisemitism Frozen In Corbynite A spokesman for Jezza accused disgruntled former associates of contriving a rebellion within his organization’s ranks and sowing rancor to undermine his position. Tatooine-on-Thames, July 18 – Jezza the Hutt’s palace holds a commanding view over the surrounding terrain, but the potentate’s gaze seldom fixes upon the sights beyond his audience chamber, where he has placed …
Upcoming ‘Batman’ Reboot Reported To Erase Indigenous Gotham Palestinians As it is known in the original Arabic, Gathma. Hollywood, July 9 – Indications have emerged via leaks from Warner Brothers that a scheduled iconic superhero action film scheduled for release early next year fails to depict Palestinians native to the city where most of the action takes place, drawing ire from progressive activists. Unconfirmed …
Palestinians Furious That Ocasio-Cortez Stole Their ‘Concentration Camp’ Libel “She apparently believes local or national political considerations trump, so to speak, our concerns.” Rafah, June 27 – Middle East Arabs who have used a term evocative of Nazi persecution and genocide of Jews to demonize Israel voiced outrage today that a New York freshman Congresswoman has appropriated the phrase to refer to facilities where …
European Scholars Wonder Why Allies Didn’t Fight Nazi Military Wing, OK Political Wing “The political leadership was over in Berlin, not out on the Eastern Front machine-gunning Jews by the hundreds of thousands.” Berlin, June 18 – Continental historians studying the conduct of the western allies leading up to and during the Second World War expressed puzzlement at the allies’ insistence on combating Nazi Germany as a whole, …
Palestinians To Reenact D-Day, Aftermath By Shooting Americans “We could just continue what we’ve been doing for years and fire our rockets at civilians, as the Germans did to Britain, but you wouldn’t know that’s a D-Day thing.” Caen, June 5 – The seventy-fifth anniversary of the Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe falls tomorrow, and Palestinian leaders aim to mark the occasion by …
Left Mystified How Its Tolerance Of Antisemitism Emboldened Far-Right Jew-Hate “Who could have known?” Berlin, May 27 – Progressives expressed horror and surprise today at the realization that accepting Judaeophobic elements under their umbrella for the sake of a greater societal good may have signaled to radicals on the other end of the political spectrum that anti-Jewish rhetoric and behavior will no longer spark the same level of vehement …
Worldwide Protests Against China’s Repression Of Muslims Continue Not To Occur Attendance at the rallies that did not take place in this timeline reached levels similar to those not seen at analogous fictional protests against Iranian meddling in Yemen, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, and the Palestinian Territories. Paris, May 15 – Throngs of demonstrators refrained in droves from attending a mass rally in the French capital and …
Mafia Wants A Piece Of Hamas’s Calm-For-Cash Racket They reacted with open-mouthed awe at the scale at which Hamas commits deadly violence aimed at securing infusions of cash from Qatar via Israel. New York, May 7 – Leading figures in the city’s organized crime underworld expressed admiration and no small measure of envy today as the Islamist movement that governs the Gaza Strip …
Democrats Confused By Popular Sympathy For Non-Muslims “And boom, so to speak, large numbers of people direct sympathy toward those who are not only non-Muslim, but victims of violence by Muslims. It’s going to take some time to digest this.” Washington, April 24 – Waves of empathy and condolences for the hundreds of Sri Lanka church bombing victims and their families have …
Allies Fear ADL Not Doing Enough To Downplay Left-Wing Attacks On Jews “We thought that Mr. Greenblatt, as an alumnus of the Obama administration, would serve as a natural ally in attributing all ills affecting society – especially minorities in society – only to right-wing bigotry.” New York, April 11 – Organizations that have joined the oldest Jewish civil rights group in combating various forms of bigotry …
Venezuela Tries Blaming Israel For Rationed Electricity: ‘Just As Plausible As For Gaza’ Both Hamas and the Maduro government have now instituted electricity rationing, amid civil unrest and with a government that blames foreign interests for domestic turmoil. Caracas, April 2 – Officials in the embattled regime of Nicolàs Maduro announced new measures this week to address shortfalls in electricity generation, and resorted to a tactic that has …
In Response To Holdomor, Democrats Blast Islamophobia Collectivization of agriculture and a poor harvest in 1932-33 led to the death by starvation of anywhere from 3-12 million Ukrainians and Moldavians. Washington, DC, March 20 – Millions of famine-related deaths in the largely-Christian Ukraine and Moldavia Republics of the Soviet Union that many scholars understand as an engineered policy by Stalin to destroy …
AOC: Just Make Poverty Illegal “If we want our children safer in school, in the streets, and at home, we need to ban firearms; if we want our children to have enough to eat and a comfortable life, we need to ban poverty.” New York, March 13 – One of the Democratic Party’s fresh faces continued to make waves today, …
Token Antizionist Jews Call Zionist Muslims Tokenism “This organization, which brings together progressive Jews by the dozens to combat the sinister machinations of millions of Zionist settler colonialists, will call out such tokenism wherever it occurs.” Berkeley, March 4 – Jews who oppose the manifestation of Jewish sovereignty in the ancient Jewish homeland, who represent a small percentage of Jews worldwide, but …
To Undermine Splitters, Corbyn To Join Them “This may be the first politically astute move Corbyn has ever made.” London, February 21 – British political strategists hailed a plan by the Labour Party Chairman to combat the departure of at least eight legislators from his faction’s ranks by resigning from the party as well and joining the new independents, where he will …
Near-Total Overlap Of Antisemitism And Anti-Zionism Just A Coincidence Anti-Zionists-not-antisemites voiced gratification at the publication of the study. London, February 11 – Researchers have determined that the uncanny correlation between hatred for Jews and opposition to Israel constitutes a statistical fluke, a recent study reports, cautioning that observers ought not to draw unwarranted conclusions from the close association that means nothing. A comparative study …
Dem Congresswoman Rejects Donor Over Social Media Posts Lacking Antisemitism “Never let it be said that Congresswoman Tlaib’s hands are soiled with such dirty money.” Ypsilanti, MI, January 30 – A first-term congresswoman has pledged to return a campaign contribution from a party stalwart following an investigation into the giver’s Facebook and Twitter posts revealed a suspicious lack of animus toward Jews, a spokeswoman for …
Chastened By Covington Failure, CNN To Reserve Bad Hot Takes For Israel “We’re still going to take Palestinian allegations of war crimes or atrocities at face value and maybe ask questions later, but probably not.” Washington, January 23 – Three days after botching its coverage of a silent teenager confronted by a yelling, drum-beating provocateur, a major news organization has decided to cut back on its knee-jerk …
After Iran, Code Pink To Also Visit “Much Maligned” Khmer Rouge Cambodia “We intend to showcase the enlightened, beautiful side of the Killing Fields.” Washington, D.C., January 14 – Leaders of the activist organization Code Pink: Women for Peace announced this week that following their trip to the Islamic Republic of Iran to help counteract the negative image the regime has suffered in Western depictions, the group …
Canada Vows Census Of US Nerds’ Girlfriends You Don’t Know The existence of such adolescent girls in Canada has been attested to for several decades in statements provided under interrogation by American nerds to cooler classmates. Ottawa, January 3 – The government of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau promised today to conduct a full-scale count of the number of female romantic partners of American adolescent misfits …
Women’s March Lobbies FDR To Turn Away ‘Privileged’ MS St. Louis The position dovetails with that of Secretary of State Cordell Hull and of civic organizations such as the Ku Klux Klan. Washington, December 25 – Leaders of a prominent progressive group sent letters today to US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt not to admit a boat full of Jewish refugees from Nazi Germany, urging him to …
J Street Joins Ocasio-Cortez: ‘Our Ancestors Might Have Been Jewish Too’ Director Jeremy Ben-Ami boasted that some of his distant ancestors spoke Yiddish and likely participated in such Jewish rituals as Passover seders. New York, December 12 – A lobbying organization billing itself as “pro-Israel, pro-peace” lauded a Congresswoman-elect from New York City today for disclosing possible Hebraic roots among her forebears, noting that they, as …
Women’s March Adopts NOI Definition Of Antisemitism The Women’s March aims to draw clear lines regarding acceptable rhetoric in the organization’s ranks. New York, December 5 – Growing dissatisfaction among supporters and members of a prominent feminist organization with some of its leaders’ ties to an anti-Jewish preacher has led the movement to adopt a definition of antisemitism formulated by the Nation …
Venezuela To Export Surplus Hunger To Iran “Venezuela is proud to make available to the people and government of Iran our vast stores of broken shop windows, hijacked food trucks, armed robberies, resentment of the political class, and other resources.” Caracas, November 26 – Latin America’s leading socialist state vowed to support its allies in Tehran this week amid growing economic and political …
UK Labour Reassures Jews They Will Be Blamed Whether Brexit Works Or Fails Labour will maintain its reliable attitude toward the Jewish community no matter the outcome of negotiations. London, November 15 – Opposition leaders in the United Kingdom sought to assuage Jewish concerns over anticipated antisemitic backlash over Britain’s imminent step away from the European Union, stating that whether or not the process succeeds, their members and …
J Street Vows Investigation After Endorsed Candidate Makes Pro-Israel Statement “J Street will conduct a full investigation of Mike Rotch.” Washington, November 6 – A progressive political advocacy group calling itself “pro-Israel, pro-peace” promised today to get to the bottom of an emerging scandal, in which a politician the group supports in this week’s elections was recorded agreeing that the Jewish State has an unequivocal …
Palestinian Authority To Pay Lifetime Pension To Pittsburgh Shooter “Our affinity with Nazis goes back to Mufti Husseini, and that affinity is thicker than mere ethnicity.” Ramallah, October 28 – The white supremacist who opened fire inside a Pennsylvania synagogue and killed 11 people will receive a generous monthly payment for the rest of his life, in keeping with longstanding Palestinian policy, a representative …
Australia To Consider Recognizing Jerusalem As Capital, Pope As Catholic “We anticipate some blowback from hard-liners on the pope thing.” Canberra, October 18 – Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced this week his administration will weigh the relocation of its Tel Aviv embassy to Israel’s declared capital, following the lead of the United States earlier this year, acknowledging the political reality of the city’s status despite …
No One Sure Whether Pic Of Trudeau In Hijab Real Or Satire Poe’s Law appears operative in this case. Ottawa, October 8 – An image depicting the prime minister of Canada wearing a traditional Islamic hair-covering for women might document an actual, deliberate sartorial choice, experts believe, but could just as easily reflect a satirist’s commentary on the leader’s politics and behavior, and it remains impossible to …
Israel Defense Ministry Saved Big This Year With Amazon Prime Day Mission staff declined to specify the exact dollar amount they saved, as well as the identity of the products purchased. New York, July 31 – Procurement personnel at Israel’s defense materiel purchasing mission to the US in Manhattan voiced gratification today at the frugality they could maintain thanks to membership in a program that allowed …
Sarsour To Fly To Iran To Force Women To Wear Hijab, Symbol Of Empowerment She will share the wonders of the hijab with women overseas who have succumbed to misguided notions about the garment and its implications for feminism. New York, July 19 – A leader of the Women’s March feminist movement in the US who insists the head covering that Muslim women are forced to wear in public …
Superman Fights To Defend Truth, Justice, American Way, Let Holocaust Happen Ignoring Jewish suffering is actually an essential part of ‘the American Way,’ as demonstrated by immigration policy at the time. Metropolis, July 11 – The world’s greatest superhero granted an exclusive interview yesterday to PreOccupied Territory, in which he detailed his approach to pursuing truth, fighting crime, promoting individualism and democracy, and doing next to …
Zionist Summer Camps Boosting Aliyah By At Least 0% The number of Jews moving to Israel from the US without Moshava would be different by a statistically insignificant margin. Honesdale, Pennsylvania, July 9 – Staff and administration at the largest Bnei Akiva summer program in the US expressed satisfaction today at the release figures showing that their work to instill Zionist values in American …
Troll Commenting On Niche Jewish Website Definitely Winning Hearts And Minds “I’m definitely making an impact,” he assessed. Montclair, New Jersey, July 3 – An internet user who devotes time to posting incendiary comments to articles on a Jewish website with a modest following believes he has come closer to accomplishing his goal of raising public awareness of Jewish misdeeds, the man disclosed in an interview …
Venezuela Berates Populace For ‘Zionist’ Idea Of Having Enough Food Law enforcement has had its hands full for years with citizens falling prey to venomous Zionist ideas such as having economic security. Caracas, July 2 – Spokespeople for the administration of President Nicolás Maduro laced into protesters and the opposition this morning, accusing them of disloyalty for harboring such treasonous, imperialist notions as trying to …