Showing 181–240 of 622 articles · Page 4 of 11
Focus On Family, Community Rather Than Palestine Makes Man Obvious Racist “It’s internalized white supremacy,” agreed Palestine Solidarity Campaign volunteer Holden Lamaar. Hempstead, December 26 – A local small-business proprietor who devotes his time and resources to nurturing his children, enriching his marriage, caring for his aging parents, volunteering at a nearby soup kitchen, running fundraisers for area schools, and participating in initiatives to keep the …
‘Antizionism Not Antisemitism’ Claim Failing To Make Inroads Beyond Antisemities, Idiots “I don’t think I will surprise anyone participating in this conversation when I say I know exactly (((who))) bears the blame for this state of affairs.” Brooklyn, December 15 – Opponents of Jewish sovereignty in the ancestral Jewish homeland voiced frustration today at their continued inability to convince anyone with either no anti-Jewish animus, or …
Biden Admin Vague On Whether Taiwan Part Of Palestine “Ultimately it all has to be about Palestine,” explained State Department spokesman Ned Price. Washington, December 6 – The White House continued to maintain its diplomatically ambiguous approach to the status of the island where the Nationalist Chinese government took refuge in 1949 in the face of a mainland Communist takeover, refusing to indicate whether …
Death Of Last Nazi War Criminal Deprives Palestinians Of Chance To Honor Him “Our struggle was his struggle.” Ramallah, November 25 – Representatives from the office of President Mahmoud Abbas voiced their regret today, following the passing of the last known participant in the organized slaughter of millions of Jews during the Second World War, that they never had an opportunity to present him with recognition and appreciation …
NY AG Investigates Unilever Over Ben & Jerry Being Insufferable An intolerable level of sanctimony and self-righteous preening despite questionable progressive credentials. Albany, November 16 – New York State’s law enforcement arm began an inquiry into the international conglomerate that holds a controlling stake in an ice cream manufacturer with a socially conscious brand, in the face of cumulative evidence that the manufacturer exhibits an …
Palestine Activists Disappointed: Upcoming Kristallnacht Observance Not A Reenactment “Now what are we going to do with all this gear?” Toronto, November 4 – Students and community figures devoted to fighting Zionism and anyone associated with the movement voiced a sense of letdown today upon discovering that this week’s anniversary of a 1938 pogrom throughout the Third Reich against Jews, Jewish institutions, and Jewish-owned …
Ben & Jerry’s To Change Name To Arabic To Shield Brand From Antsemitism Charges US media fail to report official, widespread anti-Jewish messaging in the textbooks, popular culture, political rhetoric, and religious environments throughout the Arab and Islamic worlds. Burlington, October 27 – An ice cream manufacturing company that got into hot water over demands that its distributor in Israel refuse to sell to Jews living beyond the 1949 armistice lines – while …
J Street Finds No Difference In Social Media Engagement During Internet Outage The incident recalls an episode in 2016 when a J Street post on Facebook broke the two-digit mark on Likes, prompting Director Jeremy Ben-Ami to create a special award for the dozen staffers of the organization who had used their personal accounts to create that achievement. Washington, October 18 – A progressive lobbying organization that …
Squad Disappointed Its ‘Bomb Jewish Institutions’ Bill Not Yet In Committee Part of a larger initiative to make the country safer for progressive, tolerant values. Washington, October 7 – Several progressive members of the House of Representatives voiced frustration today that legislation they introduced earlier this session to authorize attacks against synagogues, Hebrew schools, and similar targets, has not even reached preliminary stages of the lawmaking …
NYC Bans Lulavs As Too Pointy “With the help of the Cuomo administration we’ve been able to exploit concerns over COVID to demonize the Jews , and now the public will more easily tolerate edicts that target them.” New York, September 23 – A spate of incidents in which carelessness resulted in minor stab wounds from the pointy ends of a …
US Ready To Ignore Rest Of People Trapped In Afghanistan The airlift has ended now that CNN, CBS, ABC, the New York Times, AP, NBC, and other outlets no longer feel compelled to inform their audiences in urgent terms of the reason for it. Washington, September 2 – Several weeks after the ignominious and precipitous collapse of the US-backed Afghan military and takeover by the militant Islamist Taliban …
Squad Discovers Its Candidates Lose Elections When Opponents Allowed To Run “The problem is there are other people running against our people.” Cleveland, August 24 – More than three weeks after a Democratic Party primary race for a crucial Congressional seat resulted in the victory of a mainstream, pro-Israel candidate over one favored by the party’s vocal left wing, prominent figures in that wing have realized …
Taliban Now Controls 85% Of Democratic Party “It’s sobering, to say the least, to have an entity into which we’ve put so much simply fade away as Islamists and those who bow to them assert control.” Washington, August 15 – The rapid resurgence of the fundamentalist Islamist movement has caught American military, diplomatic, and political officials off guard and unprepared to handle …
Anti-Zionists Petition College To Ban Jews: ‘Their Presence Oppresses’ “It’s all about inclusivity.” New York, August 4 – Student activists gearing up for the 2021-2022 academic year at Columbia University have begun preparations for a campaign to pressure the undergraduate administration into restricting admission to gentile applicants beginning next fall, because the presence of people of overlapping ethnic background with those responsible for Palestinian suffering …
Rajoub Threatens To Pull Palestine Olympic Team Unless Allowed To Bomb Israeli Team “I have a responsibility to ensure my athletes have a chance to compete, but they also have their pride.” Tokyo, July 26 – The head of the Palestinian Olympic Committee upped the ante on demands of the organizers of this year’s Summer Olympiad, warning that his delegation of athletes will withdraw from and boycott the …
Palestinians To Send Delegation To Cuba To Help Beat Protesters Repressive Palestinian policies and methods, backed by US funding for the forces implementing those methods, will thus augment the experienced but resource-poor Cuban authorities in crushing dissent. Ramallah, July 15 – President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian National Authority telephoned First Secretary of the Cuban Communist Party and President of the Republic of Cuba Miguel …
Miami News Has Gall To Still Give More Coverage To #Surfside Than Palestine “This is seriously overwrought, especially since so many of the victims were just Jews.” Miami, July 6 – Journalism operations focused on South Florida and the state’s largest metro area have yet to refocus on the all-important issue of Palestinian grievances since the collapse of a local high-rise residential building back in June, industry watchdogs …
‘Anti-Zionist’ Students Excited To Return To In-Person Instruction, Jew-Harassment “I miss putting provocative messages on placards and challenging random people to condemn Israel or get called ethnic-cleansing apologists.” Berkeley, June 27 – Undergraduates across the country who hide their Jew-hate behind opposition to Israel expressed anticipation and enthusiasm for a post-COVID restoration of a routine that social distancing had disrupted, with specific anxiousness to …
Biden Robot’s G7 Gaffes Show It’s A Perfect Replica The Party sought a ‘Biden’ that would convincingly replicate the original, but not exhibit quite enough decline to prompt invocation of the 25th Amendment. Washington, June 16 – The manufacturer of an android that had stood in for the 46th US president since last year’s election campaign assured concerned observers today that while it may …
Brooklyn Tenants Cite #SaveSheikhJarrah In Refusal To Pay Rent “We demand the same support that they get for taking a stand against having to leave a rental property if you refuse to pay rent.” New York, June 16 – Occupants of several apartments in Bushwick continued their withholding today of lease payments, invoking the international legitimacy that squatting now enjoys as a result of …
Everything You Don’t Like Now Called Apartheid Following HRW expansion of the term’s application, things that are Apartheid now include lawn maintenance and jelly-filled donuts. New York, May 27 – A report by Human Rights Watch that redefined a loaded political term in order to shoehorn Israeli policies to fit it has resulted in a cascade of instances of the same phenomenon, …
International Community Urges Restraint By Britain Amid Blitz Activists demanded that funds for the Royal Air Force and ground-based anti-aircraft batteries be cut from the defense budget. Geneva, May 13 – As German bombs rained down on London and other British cities, diplomats, government officials, and human rights activists encouraged Prime Minister Winston Churchill and the British military to respond only in a …
Hamas Rocket Performance Looking Eerily Familiar To Galactic Empire Storm Troopers “Did we train them?” wondered Tarkin. Tatooine, May 4 – Military officials in a galaxy far, far away have taken note of the accuracy, or lack thereof, of the missiles fired toward Israel by the Islamist movement that governs the Gaza Strip, and realized how similar it appears to their own soldiers’ marksmanship, to the …
Get Rid Of Slimy gilrS Club Narrowly Defeats BDS Motion “We focus on combating the pernicious influence of girls, chief among them our arch-nemesis Susie Derkins. Now THAT is an entity to boycott.” Chagrin Falls, OH, April 22 – A spokesman for the local chapter of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club (G.R.O.S.S.) announced today that the group had voted down a proposal to …
Feeling Persecuted Among Jews, Anti-Zionist Jews Wish For Some State Where They Might Find Refuge Anti-Zionists fear that they cannot entrust their continued existence to the whims of the majority of their ethnic minority. Berkeley, April 14 – A group of Jews whose ideology denies the centrality, necessity, and morality of Jewish sovereignty, and thus pits them against the vast majority of their coreligionists, has begun to sense that the …
By Sheer Coincidence, Anti-Zionists Find Selves AGAIN In Company Of Uighur-Genocide Deniers, Assad Apologists “We’re all just so morally… consistent, I guess, is the word.” New York, April 1 – For at least the sixth time this week, a group of activists opposed to the existence of a Jewish state just happened to express the same positions and promote the same attitudes as those who deny the government of …
Caged Children At Mexico Border Relieved At Least World Hasn’t Forgotten Palestinians “The multiple rapes I’ve suffered on my way here with traffickers are probably nothing compared to the rape of Palestine.” San Antonio, March 22 – Minors detained in over-capacity holding facilities after crossing into the country from Mexico voiced the sentiment this week that at least American progressives and the international community at large have …
Groups Unable To Criticize Israel Without Nazi Analogies Very Concerned About IHRA Antisemitism Definition “This will have a chilling effect on free expression. In fact it smacks of fascism – or am I not allowed to say that, either?” Washington, March 11 – Progressive activists whose default rhetoric involving the world’s only Jewish state involves overwrought comparisons to death camps, yellow stars of David, and Nuremburg Laws expressed their …
Scientists: Debate Over Palestinian Vaccine Responsibility Will Outlast Sun Partisans will continue to talk past each other after the sun is a white dwarf. Pasadena, CA, March 2 – Astrophysicists predicted this week that the brouhaha concerning whether Israel must provide COVID immunizations to non-citizens living in areas under Palestinian self-rule will continue far beyond the lifespan of the solar system’s current arrangement, a …
Israel Apartheid Barrier Outed As Wall That Maimed Humpty Dumpty Activists demanded to put the allegorical Mr. Dumpty back together along with idyllic pre-Israel Palestine. Nabi Salih, February 18 – Activists have uncovered evidence that the series of wires, towers, concrete ramparts, and other obstacles that Israel credits with stopping Palestinian suicide bombers had a previous career marred by causing the fatal injury of a legendary …
Democrats Reassure Leftists Their Antisemitism Doesn’t Count “It’s not like we’re rushing to throw our Jew-haters under the bus.” Washington, February 10 – Leading Congressional and White House figures sought to calm fears this week that the government’s adoption of the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance working definition of antisemitism means they will cease to run cover for Jew-haters in their midst and …
‘Groundhog Day’ A Little Too On The Nose As Description Of Biden Iran Policy Connors could swear we lived through this whole scenario already, and it didn’t turn out well. Punxsutawney, February 2 – Meteorologist Phil Connors acknowledged that the emerging policy of the new presidential administration toward the Islamic Republic of Iran and the latter’s nuclear weapons ambitions convinces him that he is living yesterday over again, with yesterday …
Biden Administration Still Scandal-Free “It feels good to have left the whole era of Fake News behind.” Washington, January 21 – Media personalities and commentators marveled today at the lack of corruption and controversy of the current presidential administration, already more than a thousand minutes into its term. President Joseph R. Biden took office at midday Wednesday, at which …
Man Filmed Using American Flag To Beat Cop Gets Honorary Iran Citizenship “This takes our practice of making the US and Israeli flags into doormats to the next level.” Tehran, January 12 – A member of a violent mob storming the US Capitol building last week who wielded a flagpole with the Stars and Stripes on it to bludgeon a downed Washington, D.C. policeman received citizenship in …
Progressives Torn As Bus Under Which To Throw Jews Fails Emissions Test “We have to determine whether harming Jews is simply a positive side-effect of our efforts, or a goal in itself.” Sacramento, December 31 – Stalwarts of forward-leaning politics voiced consternation today at a new dilemma that may force them to choose as never before between the values of ecological sensitivity and steamrolling Jewish concerns in …
Omar OK With Aid To Israel If Husband’s Consulting Firm Gets Percentage Provisions of the arrangement mandate that the monies cover only US-manufactured products and US-based services. Washington, December 23 – One of the small number of opponents to American funding of Israeli military procurement and development conceded today that her principled stance against the practice could reverse if, as on at least one occasion involving her …
Palestinians Expect Trump Campaign To Hijack UN Institutions, NGOs Now That Legal Options Spent “I suspect we’ll see a Make America Great Again Liberation Organization spring up any day now.” Ramallah, December 14 – Proponents of a cause lost to events decades ago, but who have stubbornly clung to the impossibility of seeing their genocidal vision come true, have eyed the failed reelection effort of the outgoing American president …
Veil Maker: Antisemites Trying To Mask Hate The Only Reason Business Afloat “They appear to believe that the veil prevents all and sundry from perceiving them as the antisemites they are.” London, December 3 – One of the few remaining manufacturers of formal garments to cover part of the wearer’s head, out of modesty, privacy, or aloof dignity, attributes his enterprise’s survival to anti-Zionists seeking to conceal the Judaeophobia that in …
Khamenei Disappointed Not To Be Named Part Of Biden Transition Team The Ayatollah grew to think he established almost a birthright to shape US Iran policy during the Obama administration. Tehran, November 24 – Insider reports emerged today that Iran’s Supreme Leader has admitted he feels let down at the fact that the incoming US president has not seen fit to invite him to participate in shaping the next …
If Reinstated, Corbyn Vows To Minimize Carbon Footprint On Way To Lay Wreaths At Terrorist Graves “I have had, in my zeal for universal human equality, some blind spots.” London, November 12 – Ousted UK Labour Chairman Jeremy Corbyn continued to argue today in favor of revoking his expulsion from the party following an inquest finding that he failed to address burgeoning antisemitism in Labour’s ranks, with a promise to do …
Man Can Argue Regardless Of Who Won, Election Results Prove Jews Control US He had already blamed the Jews for the violence that has characterized the 2020 elections campaign, taking care to point to evidence that Jews bear responsibility for both left- and right-wing violence. Caldwell, November 4 – Last night’s presidential contest may have produced a winner, but one Caldwell resident had explanations ready even before the …
Russia, China, Iran Accused Of Election Interference; Jews Not Used To 4th Place “Being overshadowed in this way should be welcome, I suppose, but my colleagues and I must also confess a sense of disappointment and discomfort. It just isn’t… normal.” Washington, October 26 – Social media bots, disinformation, and attempts to influence the outcome of the upcoming US presidential contest have led numerous analysts and partisan commentators …
‘BDS’ Much Shorter Than ‘Movement To Make Jews Feel Unsafe Anywhere’ “Our real accomplishment isn’t in metrics of celebrity visits canceled, but creating an environment across the US and Europe where Jews feel threatened.” Berkeley, October 15 – Activists campaigning for the economic, diplomatic, and cultural isolation of the world’s only Jewish state disclosed today they prefer the three-letter shorthand term for their movement to any …
Trump Foes Bracing For Shift To Calling Pence Hitler Instead “Hitler had various wholesome habits such as not drinking or smoking, and Pence’s approach to cherishing his marriage the way he does calls to mind the Führer.” Bethesda, October 6 – US President Donald Trump’s hospitalizaton following his diagnosis as positive for the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen has caused scrambling on the political left to prepare for …
Trump Laments Lack Of Black Trans Muslim Immigrant Women Candidates To Replace RBG “If possible I’d also like the trans immigrant Muslim woman of color to be Jewish, too,” he added, “just like Justice Ginsburg. Jews make good judges. I like Jews.” Washington, September 22 – The President of the United States made note of what he called the unfortunate fact that few, if any, qualified judges to …
SJWs Flummoxed By NGO With No Position On Israel Some admitted greater insult at the absence of Palestine solidarity than had the group expressed explicitly Zionist sensibilities. New York, September 10 – Progressives voiced confusion tinged with shock and outrage today upon discovering that an advocacy group focused on pedestrian safety has never put forth a statement condemning Israel’s treatment of Palestinians, and in fact appears …
After Erekat On Diplomacy, Harvard Taps Madoff To Teach Accounting Mr. Madoff is slated to deliver his lectures via Zoom from federal prison. Cambridge, Massachusetts, September 1 – One of the nation’s leading educational institutions followed up its hiring last week of a prominent Palestinian diplomat, with nothing to show for his lifetime of high-profile work, to teach diplomacy, with an announcement that it has …
BDS Groups Claim Credit For COVID-Related Drop In Israel Tourism “This time it’s really our doing.” Berkeley, August 20 – Activists who call on companies, states, organizations, governments, and individuals to refrain from any dealings with the Jewish State as a way of pressuring the latter into concessions to Palestinian ambitions declared today that the sharp decrease in flights to Ben-Gurion Airport from around the …
Man Sure You Can’t Tell He’s Antisemitic Because He Only Talks About ‘Zios’ “It’s foolproof.” Minneapolis, August 11 – A Twitter personality who spends more than nine tenths of his time on the platform finding the least charitable angle on anything resembling Jewish sovereignty believes he appears credible in denying animus toward Jews as a result of never making a direct derogatory or hateful reference to members of …
‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ Sign At Uighur Camp A Bit Too On The Nose “It’s not like the Party to be this, well, tone deaf, I guess is what you’d call it.” Xinjiang, August 2 – Inmates and administration staff at a facility that imprisons, enslaves, sterilizes, and otherwise abuses a Muslim ethnic minority in China expressed discomfort this week at the eerie evocativeness of the posted exhortation that greets …
“Whoever argues for us to take into account the concerns of Jews about their safety and security must have forgotten whom they’re addressing.” Amsterdam, July 22 – Continental states voiced shock today upon encountering the criticism of their providing money to Palestinian groups and individuals who engage in terrorism against Israel, and asserted that objections …
Fall Sessions In Doubt, School Shooter Forced To Plan House-By-House Route “I need a Plan A and a Plan, B,” muttered the bullying victim and introvert son of a single mother. Caldwell, NJ, July 13 – A troubled adolescent who intends to massacre students, faculty, staff, and anyone who tries to stop him now faces complications in his scheme as a result of uncertainty over whether …
Nation That Colonized Half Of World Warns Jews Not To Assert Control Over Own Homeland UK and EU opposition, though by no means unified, comes against the backdrop of two thousand years of European and other dominant powers trying to prevent Jewish sovereignty anywhere. London, July 2 – A country that maintained a globe-spanning empire for more than four hundred years cautioned the Jewish State today against applying its sovereign …
Summer: De Blasio Uncharacteristically Opposed To Sending Jews To Camps A spokesman for De Blasio’s all-white, all-male public relations team declined to address the mayor’s uncharacteristic opposition to Jews in camps. New York, June 23 – This city’s mayor does not wish to facilitate the movement of Jews in his jurisdiction to camps this month and next, local sources report, an attitude that remains at …
Seattle ‘Autonomous’ Zone Gains UN Seat They’ve set their sights on the next level of legitimacy on a global level: Security Council membership. New York, June 11 – An area of Washington state’s largest city that the local government allowed protesters to take over has now achieved membership in the United Nations General Assembly, the group announced today. The “Seattle Autonomous …
Palestinians Offer Black Lives Matter Tips On How To Shoot Selves In PR Foot “Here in Black Lives Matter we don’t have that kind of organic dig-yourself-into-an-even-deeper-hole experience.” St. Louis, June 3 – Organizers of a grassroots movement to raise awareness of and protest police violence against African-Americans have received helpful advice from activists working to advance the cause of destroying the world’s only Jewish state under the guise …
De Blasio Getting Flak For PSA With Image Of Yarmulke-Wearing Virus “We should be coming together to combat this virus and the kikes who spread it, not playing the blame game over racial tensions.” New York, May 20 – The mayor of the US’s largest city faced criticism today after the release of a graphic on City Hall’s official social media sites and on public transit …
Campus Israel Advocate Confounds ‘Progressive’ Opponents By Identifying As Anti-Zionist “The far-left toolbox doesn’t have many tools, and the ‘oppression!’ cry is their go-to tactic for silencing opponents.” Davis, May 11 – A student activist in California’s state higher education system has confused and stymied anti-Israel groups at his school by wielding one of their own political culture’s chief weapons to silence criticism and dissent …
Saeb Erekat To Highlight HBO Comedy Special “The on-stage characters seem to seriously believe in the morally-inverted universe they inhabit.” New York, April 30 – A leading cable network and entertainment production company announced today it will harness the comedic potential of a mostly-untapped resource: leading Palestinian spokespeople whose on-stage personae adopt and defend untenable, corrupt positions that they insist represent the …
Scholars: Facile Users Of Holocaust Analogies Exactly Like Nazis “If you’re Jewish, don’t betray your brethren by cheapening the Holocaust for personal gain or political capital, you kapo.” Washington, DC, April 21 – Researchers at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in the nation’s capital repeated their warning today that casual and overblown comparisons of contemporary events to the horrors of the industrialized dehumanization …