Jerusalem, August 17 - In a rare display of coalition unity, Israel’s leading right-wing parties announced Monday a comprehensive new strategy to ensure that, no matter how large their electoral mandate, they will continue to refrain from enacting any meaningful right-wing policies.

Speaking at a joint press conference outside the Knesset, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich, and National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir declared that the time had come to “double down on our longstanding commitment to inaction.”

“For too long, our voters have expected us to apply sovereignty in Judea and Samaria, legalize outposts, implement real judicial reform, or at least stop apologizing every time a settler defends himself,” Netanyahu said. “That ends today. We are pledging to work even harder — longer hours, more committees, additional photo-ops — to make certain none of those things ever happen.”

Smotrich emphasized that the new effort would specifically target the chronic risk of being labeled enablers of “settler violence.” “Every time a Jew plants a tree or repairs a fence, let alone responds to Palestinian attacks, the international community and half the Israeli media scream ‘settler violence,’” he explained. “Our solution is elegant: simply never let the settlers do anything that could be misconstrued as living. If we freeze construction, dismantle the occasional caravan ourselves, and issue stern warnings against ‘provocations,’ we can finally put this fixation to rest.”

Ben-Gvir nodded vigorously. “I used to talk about changing the rules of engagement. Those were the days of youthful idealism. Now I understand that true right-wing governance means endless discussions about changing the rules, followed by zero actual changes. We will form a special inter-ministerial task force whose sole mandate is to schedule more discussions.”

Coalition sources confirmed that the parties have already drafted a 47-page “Action Plan for Non-Implementation.” Key planks include appointing more committees to study annexation, issuing weekly statements of “unbreakable commitment” to the settlement enterprise while quietly freezing most requests for new housing units, and establishing a new ministry dedicated to monitoring public expectations so they can be systematically lowered.

Opposition leaders were quick to praise the initiative. “At last the right is governing responsibly,” said a Yesh Atid spokesperson. “By promising everything and delivering the opposite, they are preserving the sacred status quo that keeps the international community only moderately furious instead of apoplectic.”

Analysts noted that the announcement marks the natural evolution of Israeli politics, in which right-wing electoral victories are followed by progressively more sophisticated methods of ensuring left-wing outcomes. “This is peak governance,” said one veteran political observer. “They have finally turned avoidance into an ideology.”

Please support our work through Patreon. Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL