Ben-Gvir: Moving Gazans Out Not Ethnic ‘Cleansing’ Because Place Will Still Be Filthy “Though, again, everyone knows I wouldn’t have a problem with that, per se.”
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Ben-Gvir: Moving Gazans Out Not Ethnic ‘Cleansing’ Because Place Will Still Be Filthy 
Leftists Hoping Barriers To Kahanist Candidates Better Than Barriers With Gaza “If the anti-Kahane safeguards fail as well? We’re in for REAL trouble.”
Men Behind Worst Failure, Worst War Decisions, Worst Hostage Deal, Expect To Be Reelected The confidence involves the unfortunate fact that any potential alternative candidates are no better.
Dignitaries Skip Knesset, Visit Israeli Supreme Court Because That’s Where Laws Made Now The Knesset contains nothing but a collection of self-important, narcissistic, short-sighted, bloviating clowns.
Abbas Mulls Elections If Pace Of Israel Imprisoning Hamas Members, Supporters Continues Plausible for the Raïs to issue a call perhaps by the end of 2025, for elections to take place by the middle of 2026.
Opposition Closer To Claiming Bibi Behind 10/7 As Pretext To Take Down Iran, Proxies If enough voters see the victories as sufficient to make up for Black Sabbath, he might secure yet another term.
Netanyahu Trial Judge Keeps Calling Recesses To Watch Footage Of IDF Destroying Syrian Weapons Frequently pausing the playback to point out important details her audience might otherwise have missed.
Delusional Gaza Tweet Makes Far-Left Parties Realize Bibi Has Also Been Vaporizing Their Voters Like Palestinians and their supporters, they lack any capacity for self-reflection.
Frontline Troops Not As Encouraged As Leaders Expected By Visits From Corrupt Politicians “Afterwards, all I heard was mockery and profligate use of the term ‘REMF.'”
Anti-Netanyahu Coalition Offers Leadership To Biden, Harris It would shore up global opposition to Bibi in ways they couldn’t when constrained by a pro-Israel Congress.
MK Resists Haredi Draft: ‘Our Torah Protects As It Protected From The Shoah’ Just as it protected the Torah scholars killed in the Har Nof Synagogue Massacre of 2014.
Still Too Soon To Openly Wish Drone Had Killed Bibi Experts differ regarding the minimum interval that must pass before expressing such a sentiment provokes any reaction other than horror or disgust.
Aides Inform Ben-Gvir That Chest-Beating, Chest-Thumping Not Same Thing When he saw the instructions in the prayer book to ‘strike the chest at the mention of each term’ for sinful behaviors, he thought it meant doing what he always does.
Israeli Left, Bleeding Support, Sees New Voters In Captured Hamas Fighters “All we have to do is get the Supreme Court to grant them citizenship. Our kind still controls that institution.”
Government To Disappear Entirely After Decision To Cut ‘Unnecessary’ Ministries Not a single one performs a necessary function, at least not well.
Opposition’s Immiseration Of Millions Via Blocked Roads, Strikes Somehow Not Attracting Votes Now just part of the political landscape like campaign posters that most people simply ignore.
Equal Rights For Jews At Most Important Jewish Site ‘A Provocation,’ ‘Irresponsible’ “Insisting that Jews be permitted to exercise the same rights that others enjoy? What does he even think Zionism is all about?”
Arab MK Cites Lack Of Photos Of Jews In Land Before 1839: ‘Invaders’ “Lack of photographic evidence for a Palestinian entity in this land is only because of Zionist conspiracies to erase.”
Legislator Brings Emotional Support Lobbyist To Plenum The lobbyist shared friendly waves with eleven other legislators as well.
Haredi MKs Embarrassed As All Wear Same Outfit AGAIN None left to change clothes or to raise the awkward subject with the identically-attired others.
Man At Knesset Cafeteria Refuses To Self-Serve, Claims Forced Starvation “International powers must step in to put a stop to the cruelty.”
Politician Unsure He Has Enough Divorces To Qualify For High Office “If I value my marriage, what can I even achieve, other than cultural attaché in some godforsaken hellhole?”
Knesset Tricks Just Stop Oil Into Providing New Committee Room Paint Job “I’d have picked a different color, but yellow is fine.”
Court Affirms Admissibility Of ‘Nuh-UH!’ Defense Previous decisions have upheld or clarified related jurisprudential and litigation principles such as the ‘It Takes One to Know One’ argument.
Failed American Floating Pier Polling Ahead Of All Knesset Parties, Candidates The pier bears no responsibility in the public perception for the security lapses and conceptual rigidity that allowed the October 7 massacre.
Gantz Resentful Of Political Boost ICC Gave Netanyahu, Asks To Be Included In Arrest Warrant Request He worries the prospects of unseating Netanyahu will grow dimmer.
Pollsters: ‘OK But How Would You Vote If The Same Scumbags Grouped Themselves Differently’ “Now imagine former Egyptian President Anwar al-Sadat were still alive. On a scale of 1 to 10…”
Cratering Trust In Political System Obviously Other Side’s Fault The researchers confirmed it’s all your fault and the fault of your fellow political travelers.
Israeli Democracy A Transparent Attempt To Distract From Tyranny Israel has held elections on average about every two years since about 2005.
New Party Promises To Slice Off Gaza, Tow It To Turkey; Projected To Win 90% Of Vote RMM promises to make helping Gaza from Turkey much easier.
Riot In Knesset Gallery After Beer Sales Halted Lawmakers paused mid-rant and mid-rude-gesture to gape.
Arab MK Storms Out Of Hearing Featuring Testimony On Medical Impossibility Of IDF Stealing Palestinian Organs “Protocols for safe and sanitary removal and handling of transplant organs are a Zionist plot to obscure the truth!”
Politicians Worry Low Municipal Voter Turnout Not Low Enough To Signal Total Disillusionment “Obviously that didn’t happen. But I’m confident it will.”
Leaders Who Dislike Bibi Also Pushing Talk, Policies Ensuring Israelis Will Reelect Bibi Allowing Bibi to position himself in the breach against a hostile international community that refuses to take Israel’s security concerns seriously.
MK Launches Hunger Strike: 1 Day For Each Child Starvation Death In Gaza; Ends Same Day His staff found not a single instance, neither during wartime nor the previous nineteen years of “concentration camp Gaza.”
False Prophets Of Oslo, Gaza Disengagement, Appeasement, Denounce Settler ‘Messianism’ “Have we ever been wrong?”
Neighbor Who Only Consumes Football News Thinks Self Authority On Politics Several neighbors hypothesized he thinks Netanyahu is still in office since his first election victory in 1996.
Far-Left Plan: Alienate Voters, Then Say Absence From Power Proves Israel Undemocratic, Get NGO Funding “The only way to save Israeli democracy is to deny it.”
Citing Load Strain On Ballot Boxes, Election Commission Disqualifies Your Mom Your mom has faced barriers before, but in most cases not noticed them before her gargantuan bulk rendered the barriers a mere detail in the craters she creates.
Hamas Rejects Israel Offer To Trade Politicians For Hostages; ‘Collective Punishment’ “We’ll take the continued bombing and artillery strikes, thanks.”
Meir Kahane Miffed He Not Alive To Ride Current Moment “Suddenly it’s not so unreasonable to express the opinion that collective Jewish safety and Palestinian national aspirations are mutually exclusive.”
Abbas Justifies Lack Of Palestinian Elections: Fears Of Russian Interference “It’s especially important in this time of upheaval not to rush into things.”
Right To Accomplish Aims ‘By Any Means Necessary’ Oddly Unsupported By Law, Morality Human rights organizations assured Palestinians that the lack of sources will not materially affect Palestinian aspirations to brutalize Jews.
Hamas Assures Allies That Israeli Arabs’ Choosing Loyalty To Israel Only Temporary, Till End Of Time “They will come to regret this decision, as soon as not a consciousness is left to mark the occasion.”
‘Peace’ Impossible, Leftists’ Electoral Hope Involves Cannibalizing Crowded Anti-Bibi Demographic They compete against larger parties untainted by an approach that resulted in thousands of Israelis dead and forfeiting strategic territory to a bloodthirsty enemy.
‘Nuke Gaza!’ Talk Gives Gush-Katif-Resettlement Activist Idea: Irradiated Produce “Gush Katif can again cement itself as pioneers in clean produce production.”
Western Progressives Unsure How To Proceed After Bibi Comes Out As Trans “That can’t- no, you can’t just decla- I mean, of course you can, but not- I’m going to cry.”
Netanyahu Promises Full Inquiry Into Gaza Failure Once He Retires “A sober reckoning can take place after enough time has passed for immediate emotions not to distort our perceptions. Say, in about fifteen years.”
Land-For-Peace Politicians Thinking This Maybe Not The Best Time For New Promo “You know, with people’s attention on, y’know, other things.”
Opposition Tries To Build On Popular Anger With Claim Coalition Plans To Build Mechitza In Knesset Plenum Mainstream news outlets amplified the accusations.
“Once the redefinition takes hold across schools, academia, and society at large, we can extract ourselves from the political deadlock.”
Farmers Demand Tariff Protection From Consumers Who Foolishly Want To Spend Less “Consumers aren’t stupid at all, and that’s the biggest danger.”
Bill: Have Children Run Knesset While School Out; Improved Functioning Expected “No politician in his or her right mind will endorse a scheme that demonstrates his or her uselessness.”
Gyms Attendance Uptick During Knesset Recess As MKs Prepare For Next Session’s Brawls “You just never know,” muttered Yisrael Beiteinu chief Avigdor Liberman, fingering his brass knuckles.
Umm El-Fahm School Nixes Program To Distribute Candy When Jews Die; Only Israeli Candy Available Market realities dictate the dominance of Jewish-owned companies.
IDF Reservists, Pilots, Refusing To Serve, Credit J-Street For Inspiration In Framing Anti-Israel Acts As Pro-Israel “J Street has trailblazed the way for us.”
Teachers Afraid Customary Start-Of-Year Strike Will Get Overshadowed By Other Strikes “We’re not accustomed to having other big causes capturing national attention and controversy.”
Anti-Bibi Protester Blocking Highway Unable To Convince Motorists Traffic Tie-Ups Any Worse Than Normal “Some of us even got arrested for hitting cops, which I thought only happened to right-wingers and Haredim!”
Lawmaker Calls Previous Positions, Now Espoused By Opponent, ‘Fascist’ Like Trump and ‘the swamp’ he vowed to drain, and then proved himself an avatar of the establishment.
Police To Administer Political Quiz To Determine Whether Subjects Allowed To Disrupt Traffic “Haredim get the stinkwater hose pretty much by default.”