Politics

“I will continue to work as hard as I can to make sure this episode causes no interruption in my use of power for personal gain.” Jerusalem, January 30 – Israel’s embattled prime minister promised his citizens today that he will not allow the historic moment facing the country to disrupt his administration’s horse-trading, bickering, …

“Everyone knows relations with the Arab world can’t happen unless and until we make peace with the Palestinians.” Jerusalem, January 22 – Critics of Israel’s politically embattled prime minister repeated their accusation today that the country’s unprecedented establishment of trade and diplomatic relations with those who long considered the Jewish State a sworn enemy serves …

“It’s time to set aside the political machinations that took up so much of my time and to go elsewhere, to focus on nurturing those lousy, counterproductive ideas in the warm environment of my Haifa home.” Jerusalem, January 13 – A former minister of finance whose breakaway faction folded back into the ruling party this past year …

“The High Court will assume the powers of the government and the Knesset, to prevent the erstwhile occupants of those offices from overstepping the legal limits we have just set.” Jerusalem, January 2 – Israel’s High Court of Justice threw a wrench into the works of an electoral campaign now getting into gear for this …

Each one interpreting the Hanukkah story in keeping with his or her rhetorical or political sympathies. Jerusalem, December 24 – Figures from across the political spectrum joined today in the venerable festive practice of characterizing opponents as latter-day manifestations of the same values or personalities the Hasmoneans defeated in the wars that gave rise to …

The causative link also exists in wider Arab society throughout the Middle East, where both video games and regular elections of any real democratic import remain vanishingly rare. Tel Aviv, December 12 – Researchers seeking to explain the many more rounds of voting citizens of the Jewish State must endure than their predecessors did have seized on …

Acknowledgement of a social reality. Jerusalem, December 4 – A movement that features doctrine, apostles, saints, a vision to transform society to conform to its tenets, and apocalyptic predictions if that vision does not become reality, has attained official status with Israel’s government office that grants funding to institutions and personnel serving various faiths in the …

If calls for his resignation stem from genuine concern for the integrity of Israeli democracy and rule of law, and not just an opportunity to get rid of the person who stands in the way of their own designs. Jerusalem, November 25 – Israel’s embattled prime minister strode further into the political morass surrounding his …

Accepting pointless elections every few months as an inescapable fact of life, to be managed rather than overcome, that’s something else entirely. Kibbutz Zikim, November 14 – The most recent barrages of missiles from Islamist groups in the neighboring Gaza Strip have residents of this cooperative agricultural community stressed, but not nearly as stressed as …

Officials admitted they find it difficult to identify any phenomenon other than Rabin’s assassination that paints the left in a positive light and the right in a negative one, given that the left’s policies resulted in so much carnage. Tel Aviv, November 5 – Twenty-four years after the murder of Israel’s prime minister by a …

A crucial measure at a time when those who exploit vulnerable victims for lustful satisfaction or for a sense of power face increasing isolation and threats to their continued political influence. Jerusalem, October 24 – Every delegation to the Knesset restated its acceptance of pedophiles, abusers, polygamists, and other criminals among their backers and decision-makers today, promising …

“We Palestinians know the same treatment at the hands of the rapacious, plundering invader.” Jerusalem, September 26 – A legislator from the Joint List alliance of Arab parties accused supporters of Jewish self-determination of subjecting millions of flying, pollinating insects to bondage and exploiting the creatures to harvest the product of their hard work. Member …

“Today marks a victory for democracy as cover for my machinations.” Moscow, September 18 – A long night of vote-counting, speeches, and tension culminated this morning in an announcement by Russia’s president thanking Israeli citizens for voting into office the candidates and parties of his choosing. Vladimir Putin congratulated Israelis Wednesday morning on voting the …

“If I could throw up I’d be doing so at least once a day.” Tel Aviv, September 9 – Several dark secrets of a political hopeful, in the form of human remains concealed behind the cabinet doors in a spare bedroom, thought they would grow accustomed to the odor of the chemical agent protecting some …

An official from Russia’s intelligence agency admitted his organization failed to maintain adequate data security. Moscow, August 29 – Officials in the administration of President Vladimir Putin voiced embarrassment today following the accidental release of the outcome of the upcoming vote for Knesset representation, journalists in the Russian capital are reporting. Multiple local sources recorded …

“Here the state squelches an important non-violent avenue of expression for Palestinian resistance.” Umm El-Fahm, August 20 – Activists decried the Israeli authorities’ intention to install equipment at voting stations in advance of next month’s parliamentary elections to prevent false balloting, calling the move a racist endeavor that violates the right of the country’s largest …

“Each us of knows the other must give in if we are to make any progress for the public good.” Jerusalem, August 8 – Parties hoping to gain positions in any anticipated coalition to emerge from next month’s parliamentary elections reached accord on one of the chief issues facing any such development: that those whose …

“Not an hour goes by that some aspiring Member of Knesset, mayor, city councilor, or whatever is stopping by to demonstrate he’s in touch with the common folk.” ‘Afula, July 31 – The proprietor of a deep-fried ethnic food establishment in this inland city observed today (Wednesday) that the business’s chief income no longer derives …

To prevent the embarrassing discovery that the disgraced Barak has anything to do with him. New York, July 22 – New revelations in the ongoing sex trafficking and pedophilia scandal surrounding an American financier and philanthropist continue to emerge, among them that an Israeli politician now attempting a comeback had tried to conceal his identity …

Researchers suggest that the status of “bot” may apply beyond the online world, even in your personal interactions not mediated by a mobile device. Tel Aviv, July 11 – Researchers studying online political discourse have discovered that in line with your expectations, not a single source of an opinion on social media or in comments …

“We cannibals are seldom as efficient or effective in our practice.” Tel Aviv, July 2 – Practitioners of the consumption of human flesh have begun taking a keen interest in the behavior of Israel’s main political camps ahead of an anticipated parliamentary election this September, noticing the latter’s increasing tendency to eat their own in …

“Any close contact Labor had with the threshold this past April occurred against my wishes.” Jerusalem, June 20 – Several lawmakers for one of Israel’s most venerable parties face an inquiry into allegedly lewd behavior as the party may have made inappropriate contact with having no representation in parliament at all. A new probe alleges that …

“This is obviously a result of the far-right demagoguery of Netanyahu and his minions.” Tel Aviv, June 6 – Journalists from some of the major media outlets in the country expressed frustration and disappointment today at the relative paucity of retail hot beverage establishments catering to a young, woke crowd where they can sit and …

“Israel must relinquish its near-monopoly on this precious resource, to which everyone has a right.” Jerusalem, May 29 – The increasing likelihood of a second round of parliamentary elections this year in Israel has prompted criticism from human rights organizations that the Jewish state monopolizes democratic resources in the Middle East, repeatedly exercising democratic processes …

“If there’s a government, it’s going to try to govern, and that’s not a good thing. I mean, just look at the last seventy-one years.” Jerusalem, May 20 – The extended deadline for reelected Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to form a new governing coalition looms next week, but large swaths of Israeli society harbor the …

“We mistook the genocidal rhetoric of the account in question for an over-the-top parody.” San Francisco, May 9 – Micro-blogging media giant Twitter announced today it had apologized and reinstated the account of the Islamist group that runs the Gaza Strip and engages in routine terrorism, following the erroneous suspension of that account, whose radical …

Gabbay intends to ride out the 21st Knesset by attracting as little attention as possible and quietly leaving politics. Tel Aviv, April 30 – The leader of one of Israel’s once-great political parties, now at a nadir in its representation, aims to avoid attention for spearheading the greatest decline in the country’s electoral history by …

Activists plan a demonstration later this week near an Iron Dome battery to protest the use of destructive force against the rockets. Tel Aviv, April 15 – A group of activists aims to assist Palestinian missiles and other projectiles that have escaped the Gaza Strip by traveling in a ballistic arc into the Jewish State, …

Since 2016 each high school graduate has been assigned a unique new party. Jerusalem, April 4 – Journalists and political analysts predicted today that if the next Israeli government lasts its full four-year term, the number of parties vying for seats in the Knesset in the following campaign will exceed the number of eligible voters. Writing in …

Reelection may constitute the same type of bribery for which the premier now faces possible criminal prosecution, a case in which Netanyahu is alleged to have received positive media coverage. Jerusalem, March 26 – Israel’s Attorney General cautioned citizens ahead of parliamentary elections that a ballot for the incumbent prime minister’s party could fall under …

“When 2SS first came out, everyone expected a much greater degree of adherence.” Tel Aviv, March 13 – A conceptual framework for the resolution of the century-old conflict between Jews and Arabs over sovereignty in the Holy Land once commanded majority support among Israelis, but developments of the last fifteen years have seen that support …

Experts offered cautious praise for Netanyahu’s willingness to think outside the traditional confines of Israeli politics. Jerusalem, March 6 – Israel’s political landscape underwent upheaval today following an announcement by the incumbent prime minister that ahead of parliamentary elections this April he will work to bring together the most radical, odious parties from opposite ends …

Khan merely conquered his way across eastern and central Asia, leveling cities, putting entire regions to the sword, and crushing opposition by killing 10-15 million people in Iran alone. Tel Aviv, February 25 – Historians investigating the extent of slaughter and destruction under various militaristic regimes have found that although the founder of the medieval …

Observers point to some risks for Netanyahu in approving the recount, and which explain his hesitation. Jerusalem, February 14 – Popular discontent over apparent irregularities in the distribution of affectionate messages and gifts among party Knesset hopefuls has led Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to order that the process undergo a repeat to ensure the results …

“Being an aggregator and posing as something original isn’t even original,” he added. “Tzipi Livni did it first.” Tel Aviv, February 5 – Tech analysts examining the composition of Israel’s most attention-grabbing political entity discovered today that the party produces no original content, instead gathering ideas and personnel from creators and repackaging them in a different …

The party seeks to forestall electoral decline. Tel Aviv, January 23 – One of Israel’s founding political parties now faces electoral decline as the country’s electorate drifts rightward, but believes it can counter or stave off stagnation by compromising on what has become a tenet of its ideology in the last three decades: the party …

Analysts admitted confusion that the apparent hypocrisy has not caused conservatives to pounce. Detroit, January 16 – A freshman Congresswoman whose religious faith enjoins her from the consumption of porcine flesh nevertheless intends to indulge in significant pork during the coming legislative session. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI), who describes herself as the first Palestinian-American woman in …

“Bombastic denunciations of Israel are always welcome, but that doesn’t put suicide bomber vests on the working Palestinian’s table.” Ramallah, January 7 – Palestinian lawmakers reacted with anger and frustration to President Mahmoud Abbas’s announcement last week disbanding the legislature, but promised despite the setback to continue their efforts not to accomplish a thing for their constituents. …

“It had always bothered me that certain parties seemed to flout that law and no one said anything about it.” Jerusalem, December 27 – High-ranking officials in Israel’s various political parties gearing up for elections this coming April voiced astonishment upon discovering that nowhere in the country’s laws governing the electoral process does there appear …

“Some public officials who should know better would rather sit in their chauffeured vehicles and sneer at hoi polloi than set an example for reducing traffic volume.” Jerusalem, December 18 – Israel’s highest-ranking official involved in the anticipation, assessment, and alleviation of automotive congestion criticized the country’s motorists today for using roadways in large numbers …

“I urge the public and the media not be taken in by this subterfuge,” admonished Labor MK Avi Gabbay. Jerusalem, December 5 – Political opponents and rivals of Israel’s prime minister accused him today of orchestrating the latest round of bribery and breach of trust allegations against himself and his wife in order to divert …

“This disingenuous charge obscures the real causes of the breakup.” Jerusalem, November 28 – Israel’s prime minister today defended the widow of the late John Lennon from widespread accusations that her meddling in the cabinet’s affairs led to the unraveling of a coalition that had functioned for years until she came along and interfered, sowing …

Experts expressed diverse opinions on the wisdom of such a move. Jerusalem, November 19 – Coalition troubles that led to the impending collapse of the current Likud-led government has the prime minister considering a policy that upon reelection will see him retaining every ministry to forestall the instability that brought about the present collapse, instead …

The cause of this Israeli brazenness remains unknown. Jerusalem, November 8 – A majority of the electorate in the Jewish State continues to demonstrate unprecedented temerity by placing greater priority on their own safety and security than on the ideals that animate the left segment of the political spectrum in the United States. Analysts note …

“It was clearly a cathartic experience for some voters to specifically choose the ballots of those opposing the ones who basically harassed them.” Jerusalem, October 30 – Israeli local elections taking place today throughout the country appear to bear out a simple truth, researchers have discovered, namely that voters prefer campaigns that do not involve …

“You just wait and see. 338th time’s the charm.” Jerusalem, October 17 – Israeli parliamentary work resumed Sunday following a holiday recess, with the legislative minority predicting that the next corruption charge against the prime minister will bring him down, unlike the hundreds before that came to nothing. Opposition figures voiced bold predictions that the …

Cyber. Cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber. Jerusalem, October 11 – Cyber. Cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber. Cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber cyber …

Of course no one would suggest political considerations really lie at the heart of the rule-of-law arguments. Jerusalem, September 12 – Legal scholars and political commentators have noticed in recent weeks that despite its supremacy in every other arena, the rule of law appears to have no place in the ongoing controversy over a Bedouin squatter village …

“We fear for Israeli democracy,” stated Lapid, who personally selected the eleven MKs now serving in the Knesset for Yesh Atid. Tel Aviv, August 1 – A kingmaking faction in the Knesset whose parliamentary representation gets selected by it’s chairman’s fiat warned this week that last week’s passage of legislation affirming Israel as the nation-state of the …

The sixty-year-old can maintain her commitment to not quite making it to the top, and to finding just the right moment to jump ship. Jerusalem, July 26 – Congratulations to a veteran lawmaker poured in today following the announcement that Labor Party chief Avi Gabbay will step aside as Opposition Leader in favor of ally …

“The only way to prevent Bibi and company from imposing fascism is to overthrow his junta and impose the right – which is to say left – kind of fascism.” Tel Aviv, July 18 – An editorial staff member at Israel’s most venerable daily has encountered difficulty in determining whether an opinion piece submitted to …

“It’s been a real… well, I don’t have to say it,” mumbled a frustrated MK Ahmad Tibi. Jerusalem, July 12 – Cries of protest filled the plenum of Israel’s parliament today following revelations that a new policy to eliminate the use of precious paper resources also meant legislators and their staff must do without the …

Referees issued no such sanction, according to witnesses. Jerusalem, July 5 – A legislator from the Joint List whose grandstanding piece of legislation called for international supervision of an Israeli nuclear facility has been faking an injury in the parliamentary aisles in hopes of getting officials to penalize those who voted against the bill and …

“We’re really busy getting this abdication of our responsibility just right.” Jerusalem, June 28 – The Knesset’s Legislative Committee took a bill off the table this week for the fourth time, a law that would declare Israel recognizes the genocide of Armenian Christians during the First World War by the Ottoman Empire and its emerging successor state …

Ten-year-old Tal Silber’s attorneys petitioned the High Court to rule on the legality of a 9 PM lights-out policy in the Silber household. Jerusalem, June 20 – Continued absence of a law defining the role of Israel’s most senior judicial body has resulted in the court assuming jurisdiction over an increasing swath of the society’s …

“Numbers and rigorous mathematics are a Zionist deceit anyway,” shrugged Ayman Odeh, list chairman. Jerusalem, June 14 – Experts debunked a survey this afternoon measuring the popularity of each party were parliamentary elections held today, noting that the clearest evidence of the study’s counterfactual outcome lies in finding that the alliance of four mostly-Arab parties …

“It’s frustrating, and maybe a little suspicious.” Tel Aviv, June 6 – Activists campaigning for representation of non-Jews in the official organs of governance in Israel voiced confusion today at statistics showing that despite efforts to open Rabbinic positions to all possible candidates, not a single non-Jew has expressed interest in such positions. Members of …

Zoabi assured reporters that she should not be misunderstood as endorsing violence, while she merely sought to endorse violence. Jerusalem, May 30 – A prominent legislator from the mostly-Arab alliance of parties in the Knesset stopped short of calling mortar and rocket fire from Gaza at Israeli communities an acceptable course of action for Palestinians, …

Families retain their status as private citizens and must not be held to the same level of scrutiny and accountability unless attached to a politician from the political opposition, in which case there are no holds barred. Jerusalem, May 24 – Rare consensus emerged today in political circles when leaders across the ideological spectrum expressed …

The least corrupt prime minister Israel has had in at least nine years. Jerusalem, May 9 – Upheaval gripped the pundit class and political realm in Israel today following the release of a comprehensive academic study that found Binyamin Netanyahu the least corrupt prime minister of Israel in office right now. A team of researchers …