Politics

“There are some things beyond even my purview,” conceded the fifteen-year government employee. Jerusalem, October 12 – A mid-level functionary in the government office that oversees education in the country acknowledged today her limited capacity and training vis-à-vis the schooling and rearing of your offspring, given the narrow perspective and scarce experience the job provides her …

The chief factor behind the repeated rejection involves the applicants’ principled refusal to bribe various Palestinian officials. Ramallah, September 30 – Humanitarian activists have failed yet again to penetrate the numerous layers of government oversight, regulation and approval plaguing this already-inefficient governmental system, NGOs lamented today, following what the groups called the fifty-third unsuccessful attempt to …

“It’s a lot of materials – I think we’ll need the volume equivalent to four or five semi-trailers.” Jerusalem, September 9 – The Jewish holidays that bring legislative work in Israel to a standstill in late summer or early fall each year clear space in the parliament compound for other public-spirit activities and events, which …

If successful, Ms. Harkness has agreed to expand her aegis to other government ministries and entities, the credibility and reliability of which she reflects so well. Jerusalem, August 29 – Israeli public health officials has launched a pilot program under which a character from a television comedy series by Marvel will serve as spokeswoman each time …

“If we do our jobs and have to face the violent mob, people might get killed and we might lose our jobs, which would be the biggest tragedy of all.” Jerusalem, August 18 – Enforcement officials acknowledged Tuesday that their supply of euphemisms, excuses, and blather aimed at obscuring their fear of upholding freedom of …

The technologies to which the activist referred have yet to yield reductions in the use of fossil fuels anywhere in the world. Tel Aviv, August 9 – A participant in a demonstration at Rabin Square this evening held aloft a sign and chanted slogans in favor of taxpayer funding for government-mandated behavior to remedy a …

It spells the end of a cash cow that the Rabbinate has milked for decades, relegating the institution to the more traditional Rabbinic role of not engaging in the flagrantly problematic dynamic of having a kashrut inspector draw a salary directly from the supervised establishment. Jerusalem, July 29 – Establishment religious figures voiced dismay today at …

A significant and powerful portion of the international community endorses that position. Umm el-Fahm, July 20 – A group of political leaders in Israel’s Arab sector maintained their longstanding position this week that a country designated as the nation-state of only one ethnic group remains untenable and immoral, and that they intend to continue encouraging their followers …

Bennett is more afraid of another round of elections, or of Netanyahu swooping back in with a majority, than a leftist agenda. Jerusalem, July 11 – Israel’s prime minister suffered another political setback today when a chief partner in his governing coalition refused to support efforts to decrease the interior temperature in his workplace. The …

Crucial pieces of information on how she maintains her dark coif. Tel Aviv, June 30 – Aggressive, independent reporters continued to hold to account those in power today, with an investigative piece on the country’s leading evening TV news magazine about the hair care regimen of Israel’s Minister of Transportation. Hard-nosed journalism from Haaretz, Channel …

The Obama and Biden administrations have contorted themselves to provide as much relief and generosity as possible even as the Islamic Republic keeps US and other foreign citizens hostage as negotiating or financial leverage. Jerusalem, June 21 – An Israeli lawmaker concerned over the deficit implications for the incoming government’s projected allocations proposed a policy …

“With such rhetoric in the air, no wonder our youth keep trying to kill Jews, who invite it by mentioning it!” Jerusalem, June 10 – An Arab lawmaker in Israel who salutes terrorists, deems attacks on Jews acts of “resistance,” and otherwise ignores or condones such behavior as acceptable, also blames the Jewish majority for not …

A side-effect of the decades of nurturing that political and psychological symbiosis has been the prevention of any credible leader emerging in Netanyahu’s wake. Caesarea, June 1 – Israel’s longest-serving head of government, forced to leave the position he has held continuously since 2009, announced today that he intends to take a break from the vicissitudes …

The new procedures eliminate significant manpower-hours and material expenses. Jerusalem, May 20 – The country’s Elections Commission has decided to implement a number of changes to the conduct of elections as Israel faces the prospect of the fifth election cycle in two-and-a-half years, changes that will reflect the increasing futility of the process, principal among …

Haphazard planning, if any, doomed the efforts in 1947 and 48 to keep Jews at the mercy of others. Umm el-Fahm, May 6 – Weeks of Arab violence against Jews in Israel have prompted some among the Arab political leadership in the country to urge their voters to calm the situation by inflicting beatings and …

“My first thought was it shouldn’t matter who it is, since Zionism is inherently a war crime,” acknowledged Omar Shakir of Human Rights Watch. Jerusalem, May 5 – The deadline for incumbent Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to form a coalition government passed at midnight last night, raising the specter of a different leader at the …

“I don’t even have a soul and I feel drained after encountering them.” Tel Aviv, April 28 – The metaphorical monster threatening the conquest and subjugation of the otherwise free people of this society disclosed today that it has undergone a shift in its thinking, whereby the people who have argued in moral, ethical, historical, …

The dilemma facing Samuel carries extra valence in light of the political paralysis plaguing Israel. Ramah, April 19 – The seer most closely associated with the establishment of monarchy in Israel voiced his realization today that the current milieu might not, on repeated consideration, be ideal for declaring the country’s longtime de facto leader the …

Experts differ on the timetable for that eventuality. Caesarea, April 8 – Yet another electoral stalemate in Israel has the citizenry bracing for another contest as early as this coming summer, which will mark the fifth time in four years for the same exercise in futility, in keeping with what analysts now believe stems from …

Some respite from the grueling work of doing diddly-squat. Jerusalem, March 25 – Israeli legislators began to breathe easy today with the approach of the springtime Pesach festival, knowing that the time off before, during, and after the holiday allows them some respite from the grueling work of doing diddly-squat for their constituents when the …

“I’m sure we’ll still have the Haredim to target as the source of our society’s ills.” Jerusalem, March 16 – A group of demonstrators who have dedicated their Saturday nights to cacophonous marches through the streets of Israel’s capital, bellowing their demand that the country’s incumbent prime minister step down, or calling on the public …

Elections are scheduled for March 26. Caesarea, March 4 – Israel’s incumbent prime minister floated the idea today of appealing to segments beyond his traditional right-wing base by adopting some behaviors of the center-left American president, such as standing behind women on stage at public functions and immersing his nose in their coif to inhale …

“Why should Christians get to be the only ones who get to blame the Jews of all time for the imagined sins of a previous generation?” Jerusalem, February 24 – In a move that High Court justices explained will streamline a process that otherwise could take decades, Israel’s supreme judicial body ruled today that while …

This biggest issue: polling places as superspreader venues. Jerusalem, February 15 – Worrisome COVID infection levels have prompted Israel’s prime minister to float the idea of waiting to hold the next round of national voting until following the next round of national voting, sources close to the premier disclosed today. Binyamin Netanyahu made the remarks …

“Don’t call us Kahanist! We’ve rebranded since the 1980’s and now we identify as an oppressed minority.” Tel Aviv, February 4 – Political groups at the extremes of Israeli society with a small following cautioned today that the representative, accountable nature of the country’s political system risks collapse unless those groups exert some control over …

“There are voters coming of age who have never known a Labor-led government. Tel Aviv, January 27 – The newly-installed chairwoman of one of Israel’s oldest, but fading, political parties made a public commitment Wednesday to bring Labor back to its former glory and its familiar position as leader of ineffective opposition to a right-wing-led …

Yet another way in which Netanyahu and his minions are working to undermine democracy. Nazareth, January 18 – The morons who run Israel’s current ruling party apparently believe they can garner votes from the non-Jewish population of the country by appealing to their hope for a peaceful shared presence, mutual prosperity, and other constructive visions, …

Whoever comes in second will no doubt wield these allegations as liberally as their US counterparts were sprayed. Jerusalem, January 7 – A glut of accusations that officials and institutions within the American electoral system either illegally suppressed or added ballots to favor the candidate of their choice has forced the purveyors of those accusations to sell …

Almost as funny as a terrorist suggesting he targets Jewish children on buses because he wants the best for them. Jerusalem, December 29 – A deeply unpopular yet somehow politically resilient Israeli premier continues to figure atop public opinion polls as the most likely to form the country’s next government following elections this coming spring, …

Not a single original idea since like 2012. Tel Aviv, December 17 – Observers expecting something original out of the ongoing Israeli political morass voiced their disapproval this week over yet another predictable twist in the narrative, noting that talk of an eleventh-hour deal to thwart early elections could be spotted months away in the story …

Despite initial assessments that his political cowardice would only suffice for a single truncated term. Jerusalem, December 9 – In what observers are hailing as a modern-day Festival of Lights miracle, Prime Minister Binyamin Netnanyahu has succeeded in taking the incompetence, tentativeness, cronyism, deceit, corruption, political and economic stultification, and petty factionalism of a single …

1,223,427 “learning experiences.” Jerusalem, November 30 – A lawmaker for one of Israel’s many parliamentary factions insisted today that following anticipated elections next year, his party will embark on yet another effort to bend the country’s institutions to better suit the sensibilities of a particular strand of interpretation of ancient lore, vowing that this time, …

The decision also removes the seven dissenting justices from the Court. Jerusalem, November 19 – Israel’s supreme judicial body handed down a landmark decision today, ordaining that in light of the ongoing public health crisis resulting from the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen, the conduct of elections poses a hazard to the public that cannot justify holding those …

“I’m not inclined to count each case of someone sharing that climactic tantrum scene from the the Hitler movie ‘Downfall’ as a discrete instance, but your mileage may vary.” Jerusalem, November 10 – Joe Biden’s election victory this weekend following four years of unprecedented support for Israel and its prime minister from US President Donald …

“I might also point out that certain government-run institutions have an unfortunate reputation for punctuality.” Jerusalem, October 29 – A governmental fact-finding committee on the relationship between state and religion published its findings today following two years of research into the delicate issue, and made several important determinations, among them that the country billing itself …

“If Muhammad the Prophet himself were to ink such a deal we would still oppose it. We would also claim it wasn’t really Muhammad, because that would be awkward.” Jerusalem, October 21 – The alliance of mostly-Arab parties in Israel’s parliament made clear following their vote last week against the peace deal with the United …

“It’s hard to see how Saul and his camp will recover from this.” Elah Valley, Philistine-Israelite border region, October 8 – A rhetorical confrontation between a Philistine warrior champion and his opponents, led by Saul, king of Israel, concluded this morning with the former emerging as the clear favorite in the eyes of potential voters, …

“Everyone should have grasped long ago that there is a special elite to whom the rules do not apply. It’s actually a little shameful to me that we had to make this explicit after all this time.” Jerusalem, September 24 – Months of tension and recriminations over persistent accusations that prominent political figures flout the …

“I need someone who can work to help me do my job,” explained the coronavirus. Jerusalem, September 15 – The pathogen behind a global pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands and sickened millions more warned that unless former Minister of Housing Yaakov Litzman reassumes the position he had until he stepped down earlier this …

Many sense it intuitively. Jerusalem, September 3 – Scientific research has confirmed a long-held assumption prevalent among the civically engaged, a new study claims, to the effect that constructive, beneficial acts, policies, or decisions that a government adopts become wrong when that government is run by your ideological opponents. An article in next week’s issue …

An alternative to the ones that would inevitably return Mr. Netanyahu to the helm of yet another lame-duck government unable to form a stable, lasting coalition. Jerusalem, August 26 – Alternative Prime Minister Benny Gantz promised today that in keeping with his party’s mission of providing an alternative to eleven years of Binyamin Netanyahu’s rule, …

“If the Judenrat will toil in vain,” he chanted, “it might as well be led by someone vain!” Bialystock Ghetto, August 13 – Authorities mandated this week that the Jews of this city elect delegates to a council that will represent the community in its dealings with the German occupation administration, sparking a campaign by …

Choosing a “third way” to escape the purgatory of political futility. Jerusalem, August 5 – Ongoing tensions, ineffectiveness, and instability of Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s ruling coalition have made many citizens aware that they may soon face the fourth parliamentary contest in less than a year and a half, even as they note the government’s …

“The people in real power, the ones threatening the future for the rest of us, are the ones the media take pains to show in a negative light: Jews who adhere to tradition, you know, the ones who are largely poor.” Jerusalem, July 27 – Individuals and groups in a profession that has long boasted …

All seven justices present for the ruling agreed on its substance. Jerusalem, July 16 – A new High Court decision Thursday rendered the acceptance of financial or other inducements legal for judiciary appointees, provided those offering the inducements come from the same political camp as the recipient. In a unanimous ruling, the Court determined that …

“I think he means it,” argued Yesha Freier of the nationalist Jewish Right at Home Party. Jerusalem, 7 July 2050 – Israel’s prime minister sought today to allay his political base’s fears that the much-anticipated application of Israeli law to certain parts of territory gained in 1967 from Jordanian occupation will again see delays, asserting that the …

“If an anti-cannabis figure or organization were advancing this argument, you could dismiss it as insincere, but for us this is essential.” Jerusalem, June 25 – Impending legislation to remove criminal penalties for possession of marijuana has led a group of concerned scientists to caution against the move, given the paucity in Israel of decent …

Recent polls indicate anywhere from ten percent to one half of Palestinians under Palestinian rule would prefer Israeli citizenship to their current situation. Umm el-Fahm, June 18 – Legislators from the alliance of several mostly-Arab parties in Israel’s parliament addressed their non-citizen brethren living under Palestinian self-rule since 1993, cautioning them that if Israel does …

“The issue isn’t what Israel took control of in 1967, but in 1948.” Jerusalem, June 9 – Lawmakers from the alliance of several mostly-Arab political parties in Israel’s parliament voiced outrage today at the government’s announced intention to continue exercising its laws and governance instead of dismantling the mechanisms of Jewish independence and returning Jews …

“Give some credit to the American media for showing the way on how to save all the adversarial coverage for when a conservative is in office.” Jerusalem, May 26 – News and commentary figures across the country voiced satisfaction today from their progress in an endeavor to justify every negative accusation the prime minister has hurled …

“We can move on the legislation that bans coronavirus from other critical places, such as nursing homes, but that might be a tad ambitious at this stage.” Jerusalem, May 14 – Israeli lawmakers pre-empted various proceedings today surrounding the imminent formation of a government, to draft and pass legislation assigning COVID immunity to their 120-strong …

The only factor of any significance that determines whether the tyranny of the majority remains of concern. Tel Aviv, May 6 – Researchers have discovered that a major principle of democratic systems – namely that those systems must find ways to prevent the interests of any political minority from getting trampled – only applies when …

“I had my eye on the ministry of money laundering.” Nahariya, April 27 – The half-dozen citizens whose names have not been included in the roster of ministers forming the new national unity government admitted today they feel left out, local sources report. Right-leaning Likud and center-left-leaning Blue-and-White agreed last week to form a coalition …

“I cannot overstate the danger of letting those who think differently from disciples of Aharon Barak exert any lasting influence.” Tel Aviv, April 14 – Members of a narrow slice of the electorate with effective control of political and cultural institutions continue to voice concern that they face disenfranchisement, reports indicated Tuesday. Left-wing Israelis, who could muster …

“An incapacitated prime minister isn’t something we want as a nation, unless we’re trying to incapacitate him because we don’t like his politics.” Jerusalem, April 1 – Opposition figures continued to insist today that incumbent Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu must handle too many distractions to govern the country, especially now that he has chosen to …

“It would be absurd to suggest that a party that got less than a third of the vote, and could not forge an alliance with enough others to form a majority, should get to lead,” they each argued. Jerusalem, March 23 – Officials from Israel’s two largest political parties in the national legislature announced they …

“We actually see Netanyahu as lame-duck prime minister serving almost as long as he has at the head of a full-fledged government.” Tel Aviv, March 11 – Political and statistical groups confirmed today they intend to get a head start on the inevitable multiple rounds of parliamentary elections in Israel’s short-term future, and have begun formulating questions …

“The only way… is to get all up in the business of as many voters as possible, not to allow them the one thing that protects what remains of their sanity.” Jerusalem, March 2 – Representatives from all the parties registered for today’s parliamentary elections redoubled their efforts today to get a disillusioned, disaffected electorate …

“Hope I disposed of it properly; wouldn’t want it falling into the wrong hands.” Jerusalem, February 20 – Israel’s leading prophet during the latter First Temple period disclosed today his concerns that law enforcement authorities many centuries from now might get hold of the wrong version of his visions about universal worship of the one …

The identity of the guilty party remains unknown at press time. Sderot, February 11 – Residents of this town near the border with the Gaza Strip spent yet another night in reinforced rooms and underground bunkers because a prankster reprogrammed the Red Alert system that warns of incoming projectiles from the neighboring territory to trigger a …