Defense

By the time journalists can no longer justify turning a blind eye to his terrorism, he will already reach the mark. Ma’aleh Adummim, December 1 – A Palestinian teen who spends his afternoons and evenings flinging Molotov cocktails toward cars with Israeli license plates on the road connecting this town of 20,000 people with Jerusalem …

“It certainly sounds like one of ours.” Jenin, November 18 – Broadcast, online, and print advertisements touting an annual reduction in prices and augmented inventory to launch the winter holiday shopping season caused some confusion among Palestinians this week, owing to the popular term for the period bearing an uncanny resemblance to Palestinian militant organization …

“Our own distribution of rainfall is not calibrated to handle an overflow of this magnitude, even accounting for the capacity of the reservoirs behind dams we open each winter to flood the Gaza Strip.” Tel Aviv, November 11 – Israel’s secret intelligence and operations agency sent an urgent request to the government today for more warehouse capacity, …

“When I ask them to explain the concept of ‘not killing Israelis,’ they look at me like I’m the one who’s talking gibberish.” Ramallah, November 2 – Civil society groups working for Palestinian independence acknowledged difficulty today in comprehending the insistence of donors and diplomats that those organizations’ activities not include the active pursuit of violence in …

His bond with the land is so strong, he would rather skedaddle to Beirut or Damascus than stand and fight the Jews for possession. Haifa, October 24, 1947 – An Arab resident of this mixed-ethnicity city in the north of Palestine feels such a powerful, protective attachment to his place of birth and upbringing that …

“We need more dead cops, just as we need more dead Jews, if we are to make the world a better place.” Washington, October 13 – Just weeks after constituting the tiny congressional minority that opposed funding for Israel’s civilian missile defense system, a group of vocal, ultra-progressive Democrats in the House of Representatives cited …

Much of Euro-American foreign policy over the last decades has relied on strongmen to impose decisions on the populace in the various non-democratic nations. Ramallah, October 5 – Supporters of the current Palestinian Authority president and his ruling faction remain wary of the instability that threatens to occur upon the passing of that already-frail leader, and …

Whenever and wherever Israel appears to be doing something positive, look for a sinister ulterior motive. The Hague, September 13 – Activists on behalf of Palestinian rights continue their efforts to seek justice, with one group organizing around the goal of getting Israeli officials in the dock of the International Criminal Court here in this …

“They prioritize their rocket use for something other than killing Jews…?” Gaza City, September 30 – A series of attacks on Hamid Karzai International Airport by various militant Islamist groups has residents of this coastal enclave and others farther inland wondering what those attacks targeted, given that few, if any, Jews, and certainly not the …

Hamas was among the first to congratulate the Taliban this week. Gaza City, August 19 – Leaders of the Islamist militant movement that governs this coastal territory have noticed the catastrophic track record of American efforts to produce quality military forces in other countries despite trillions in investment in men and materiel, including the movement’s …

Perhaps even an outright utterance of, “Terrible, just terrible.” New York, August 10 – Representatives of global organizations and of nations touting themselves as defenders of the global order fired back today at Israeli and Jewish advocates, arguing that, contrary to the latter’s claim that those groups would have stood by and done nothing as …

“They seemed to have this weird notion that there are limits on what you can do to children for the collective good.” Hinnom Valley, July 29 – A scientific effort to alter history to conform to a narrative under which Palestinians constitute the ancient indigenous people of the Holy Land hit a snag today when operatives returning from …

“Operations that end up killing non-Jews, even if the latter carry Israeli citizenship, cannot and will not be tolerated.” Brussels, July 21 – European Commission officials voiced their shock and displeasure today at reports that monies they had provided to Palestinian “human rights” groups fronting for violent, antisemitic militant groups ended up paying for shootings, …

“I have made some interesting friends since going public about my suspicions.” London, July 12 – A student whose grades suffered this past school year because his pet kept attacking and swallowing his assignments before he could submit them believes the phenomenon part of a larger plot to foil his ambitions and subject him to …

In Gaza, at least if they die some tragic or criminal death the international media will pay attention, because Jews. Gaza City, July 1- Families from elsewhere in the region have taken to paying human traffickers to smuggle children into this coastal territory, in the hopes that at least here, they stand a chance of Western …

“We find his account credible, because we find anything that makes Israel look bad credible.” Gaza City, June 22 – A former prisoner in Israeli military detention told activists and journalists that the Jewish State’s newest defense weapon, which intercepts incoming projectiles by means of a focused beam of light to burn or disintegrate the …

Jewish sovereignty and safety must cede priority to the overarching objective of cementing Iran as the hegemonic power in the Middle East by means of genocidal campaigns across the region. Washington, June 13 – A representative of the current presidential administration assured reporters today that they will do whatever possible to reach an understanding and arrangement with the …

“The decoy operation was a complete success.” Tehran, June 2 – An Iranian navy vessel that caught fire under mysterious circumstances today and sank is in fact conducting important undersea operations, and not, as Zionist propaganda would have you believe, lying under hundreds of meters of water in the Gulf of Oman, Iranian defense officials …

“Shocking that anyone tolerates this happening again and again.” Gaza City, May 24 – The population of this coastal territory continued to tally its dead from a flurry of violence between militant factions and Israel last week and the week before, with one particularly devastating casualty of IDF airstrikes a physically mature male of fighting …

“We have them exactly where we want them.” Gaza City, May 11 – Members of an Islamist movement that Israel and Egypt restrict to a narrow section of land along the Mediterranean coast voiced confidence today that their endeavors will find Allah’s blessing and they will succeed in driving the people who surround them into …

They might even keep the aid package intact without reducing it by one penny. Washington, April 29 – Congressional opponents of the Jewish State clarified today that they do not seek to eliminate American funding to advance that country’s defense capabilities, but merely to tweak the provisions of that defense package to the minimal degree necessary …

“Let me say it again: JEWS. PRAYING. You can just feel the existential threat.” Jerusalem, April 12 – Israeli law enforcement authorities confirmed today that their policies stem from the assumption that Jews engaging in quiet worship rituals near the faith’s holiest site pose a greater hazard to public safety than do rampant protection rackets …

“He’s been acting weird lately,” admitted a staffer. “I mean, weirder than usual.” Tehran, April 12 – A series of suspected Israeli sabotage activities affecting Iran’s ability to project regional power and develop its nuclear weapons program have also engendered in the the Islamic Republic’s Supreme Leader the gnawing feeling that the Zionists will eventually …

“I don’t really know how to react,” admitted the rock, “but I’ll probably have plenty of time to ruminate on it.” Nebi Saleh, March 30 – A broken-off portion of dolomite outcropping that lay untouched for eons as species evolved and went extinct around it, ecosystems shifted, civilizations grew and disappeared, and other geological features …

One juicy line of gossip insists the lover is a man, not a woman. Rafah, March 18 – Scandal erupted today in this city on the Palestinian side of the Egyptian border when a wife unearthed her husband’s activities down in the passage he had said led to the Egyptian city by the same name, …

Much otherwise-valuable agricultural land remains inaccessible. Golan Heights, March 9 – Numerous areas of this elevated strategic plateau remain off-limits or hazardous to human passage because of the decades-old presence of antipersonnel explosive devices that once protected Israel’s frontiers with Syria and Jordan, the utility of which has diminished or disappeared, but the continued danger they …

He practiced a small detonation but injured his little brother. Hebron, February 25 – Citing what he calls the lockdown’s “devastating effect” on his family, a local resident who aspires to kill Israelis by detonating an explosive belt he wears voiced his wish today that Palestinian public health officials lift movement restrictions to allow him …

But can any UN body survive without Israel-bashing and Palestinian-infantilizing as its center of gravity? New York, February 16 – Medical professionals have concluded that a leading international children’s welfare organization suffers from an unique kind of attention-deficit that manifests upon the invocation of Palestinian abuse of minors in the ongoing national conflict with Israel, …

“Nothing in their rhetoric indicates they would make destructive use of such technology, provided you disregard about half their rhetoric and all of their actions.” Washington, February 7 – Senior administration officials suggested today that the review announced two weeks ago of an upcoming sale of advanced fighter aircraft to a moderate Persian Gulf ally will …

“We poor Muslims have never fared well against an enemy with such superior numbers.” Beirut, January 28 – Leaders of various military and paramilitary groups across the Levant and beyond restated their longstanding contention this week that their culture, which dominated the region for more than a thousand years and continues to hold sway over religious …

“You’re not some Karen in the American suburbs who wants to speak to the manager; you’re the wife of a warrior for Islam.” Gaza City, January 19 – The leader of an Islamist militant unit focused on confronting the Zionist menace by means of attack tunnels and hidden booby traps expressed misgivings today about his …

Other shared practices include drafting, training, operating an air force, maintaining naval facilities, and wearing uniforms. Geneva, January 7 – Human rights groups and international organizations drew dark parallels today between Israel’s military and Germany under Adolph Hitler, noting that the soldiers of both states carried guns, wore protective gear, operated armored vehicles, and engaged in …

“This dangerous attitude of Jews thinking they can be sovereign must cease.” Tehran, December 30 – Leaders of the Islamic republic of Iran denounced a test of Israel’s layered air defense capabilities that took place earlier this month, calling the incident a serious provocation against the forces of justice and peace, who seek to destroy …

“I think our donors will take it in stride.” Ramallah, December 21 – Activists seeking to frame every Middle East development as a function of Israeli perfidy and depravity have in recent days admitted feeling compelled to shift rhetorical stances on the fluid situation that the coronavirus immunization has generated, deciding to convey messaging that …

“Qui bono?” Hebron, December 10 – Representatives of international human rights NGOs and of local Palestinian groups observed this week the suspicious convenience of the worldwide pandemic that has hampered international travel and the movement of people and the propaganda benefit that the IDF gains from a lack of volunteers coming from abroad to stand between Palestinian …

Previous customers remain unavailable for inquiries into the phenomenon. Tehran, December 2 – Entrepreneurs in this city’s document production and processing industry have noticed a sharp dropoff in the number of customers who seek to advertise expertise in the field of atomic weapons development, a trade group survey has determined. The Islamic Republic’s Association of …

“I can see it now: ‘Add ten percent overhead and administrative expenses and have that proposal on my desk by Friday.’” Gaza City, November 23 – Following the overnight destruction by the IDF of multiple terrorist infrastructure facilities, an administrative functionary at the movement’s headquarters in this Mediterranean coastal territory voiced his exasperation this morning …

The intensity of the violence provided no clear indication. Kibbutz Zikkim, Gaza Envelope, November 12 – Israeli soldiers patrolling the fence between this southern region and the Gaza Strip expressed uncertainty today in response to a reporter’s question as to the nature of disturbances on the other side of the barrier: have Palestinian factions announced a …

Analysts differ on which Nobel Prize the discovery merits: physics, peace, or literature. Cambridge, MA, November 3 – Researchers reported this week they have managed what many are calling a tantalizing look into a long-theorized dimension of existence outside our own, in which organized massacres and systematic Zionist attempts to exterminate non-Jewish inhabitants of the Holy Land did …

Palestinian restrictions on conduct in the public space makes it difficult for significant numbers of violent demonstrators to use women and children as human shields. Nebi Saleh, October 22 – Palestinian stone- and firebomb-throwers confronting Israeli troops in and near this village north of Jerusalem face a stark choice in recent months: continue to blend …

Never attribute to bad luck or to incompetence what can be attributed to Jewish perfidy. Ofer Prison, October 14 – Inmates at this IDF-administered detention facility north of Jerusalem who rely on contraband mobile devices to keep in touch with their terrorist organization colleagues, commanders, and subordinates voiced uncertainty today regarding the lousy performance of …

“You don’t exploit that crowded situation to turn the wife, kids, and sisters into human shields? What kind of warped thinking is that? Gaza City, October 1 – Members of the militant Islamist group that rules this coastal Mediterranean territory voiced puzzlement today upon discovering that the numerous temporary huts Jews construct for an upcoming …

Hitting the desert in eastern Jordan or northern Saudi Arabia isn’t going to satisfy Hamas, because there are no forests, brush, or day care enters to set on fire there. Gaza City, September 17 – The militant Islamist organization that governs this coastal territory aims to improve how far it can send wind-borne incendiary devices …

“It’s all political, and if an Arab country wants to normalize, they can just do it? That can’t be.” New York, September 8 – Human Rights groups, pro-Palestinian activists, and other figures remain convinced they can find a provision in various UN Security Council resolutions, International Criminal Court decisions, or other repositories of legal precedent …

Police and prosecution officials expect the case to go to trial, at which they will seek an ironic sentence of life imprisonment. Petach Tikva, August 26 – The Palestinian killer of a 46-year-old Israeli father of four claimed today that he performed his act of murder yesterday in this suburb of Tel Aviv not as …

The destruction also targets condoms, a move that human rights groups characterize as an Israeli effort to spread sexually-transmitted diseases in Gaza. Gaza Envelope, August 24 – Israel’s military keeps taking aim at Palestinian toys for children and using either bullets or lasers to destroy them, observers report. Eyewitnesses on both sides of Israel’s frontier with the Gaza …

Israel allows in only those goods and materials that have no clear military use, but limits the quantity thereof to however much the people of Gaza want to bring in and pay for. Rafah, August 13 – An entrepreneur in this Palestinian-ruled coastal territory who earns his living via the importation and retail sale of …

“Defenseless missiles get blasted out of the sky by monstrous creations of imperialist powers hell-bent on repressing the legitimate resistance of oppressed peoples to settler-colonialism.” Sderot, August 4 – Human rights and pro-Palestinian activists fumed today at the international community’s continuing refusal to address the phenomenon of the Jewish State using American-funded technology to intercept …

“I’m excited about this addition,” gushed Gimlin Patterson, a cryptozoology documentary filmmaker. Damascus, July 23 – Cryptozoologists and other enthusiasts of paranormal phenomena have begun including Assad regime claims of thwarted Israeli airborne operations in their logs of unconfirmed-but-definitely-real incidents, opening a new realm in which the credulous can enjoy the sense of superiority and …

“Everything is a goddamn polka.” Tehran, July 15 – The Islamic Republic’s ongoing security debacles continued Wednesday with reports that the regime’s main military and strategic arm finds itself in the midst of a communications breakdown as a result of all their devices transmitting polka music and other irritating accordion sounds instead of the content …

Security stinks. Tel Aviv, July 6 – Offhand comments by senior Israeli intelligence officials today appeared to allude to an element of Israel’s alleged ongoing operations inside the Islamic republic of Iran to degrade that foe’s weapons capability across the board and compromise important strategic facilities and resources, among them dangerous accumulations, leaks and explosions …

“Those consequences will be hard to discern unless we specify them, because they will consist of the same continued attempts to rid the territory between the River and the Sea of Jews.” Gaza City, June 25 – Leaders on both sides of the Fatah-Hamas divide in the West Bank and Gaza Strip threatened Israel and …

Analysts differ on whether this eighty-fifth threat will prove as effective as the previous eighty-four. Ramallah, June 16 – This de facto Palestinian capital city once again felt political and diplomatic waves after the Palestinian Authority president warned for the eighty-fifth time in fifteen years that if Israel continues to refuse to hand over control …

Mossad technicians only realized on Tuesday that the stateside violence came from their machine. Tel Aviv, June 4 – Israeli secret intelligence officials and agents scrambled today to mitigate damage that resulted since late last week when a maintenance worker unintentionally activated a machine that set in motion violent outbreaks in many major American urban centers …

Leaders feared becoming overwhelmed by Arab refugees whose sheer numbers would negate the country as a Jewish state. Tel Aviv, May 21 – Document leaks from within an Israeli intelligence organization revealed this week that longstanding animosity from surrounding Arab states, by those states’ own accounts an expression of opposition to Jewish sovereignty on land …

“The real indication that those images really touch something in the human soul will be if Palestinians and their allies find those photos stirring or heartbreaking enough to serve their disinformation purposes.” Kabul, May 13 – A photojournalist who focuses on documenting the lives and struggles of everyday people living amid the destruction and hazards …

Chocolate-covered wafers are a staple of Ramadan daytime eating. Ofer Prison, May 4 – Human rights organizations issued yet another denunciation of Israel’s security and defense policies today following revelations that the Jewish State has not given Palestinians incarcerated in its facilities chocolate and other snack foods from which to take surreptitious bites as they …

“The question we must ask ourselves is twofold: first, whose fault is it, and second, why bother asking when we know it’s always Israel’s fault?” Maaleh Adummim, April 23 – A ramming and stabbing attack against an Israel Border Guard checkpoint yesterday by a Palestinian van driver highlights the challenges now facing operations to undo …

The report did not identify the restaurants. Beirut, April 12 – A Shiite terrorist group that planned an elaborate scheme to kill the patrons in kosher establishments in Israel, North America, and Europe reported little progress of late, an intelligence documents reveal, as the effort began just as the current pandemic forced authorities to shutter …

“We’ve been following the work-from-home model for more than a decade.” Gaza City, March 30 – Changes in professional habits in response to the dangers of the coronavirus pandemic have resulted in struggles for many employees and contractors transitioning to a transfer of at least some professional functionality to domestic environs, but that does not …