Showing 541–600 of 622 articles · Page 10 of 11
J Street Poll Also Finds US Jews Support Hitler, Saddam The J Street survey posited a hypothetical situation in which a man named Adolph Hitler were born in Iowa in 1883, and asked whether the respondents would support him if he decided to change his name in the 1930’s. Washington, February 12 – Left-leaning advocacy organization J-Street announced today that in addition to showing 84% …
US Gov’t Divests From Univ. Of California “We all know the Supreme Court is in the pocket of the powerful Indonesian lobby,” said university provost Shari Alaw. Washington, February 11 – The University of California Student Association approved a declaration Sunday calling for the UC system to divest from a list of countries the Association deems human rights violators, but found itself …
ICC Overturns Nuremberg Convictions The Court now realizes that calling for the removal of Jews from only the areas that Israel captured in 1967 would be discriminatory. The Hague, Netherlands, February 4 – Following a review of the protocols that form the basis for the International Criminal Court’s jurisdiction, the Court voided the convictions of several Germans convicted at …
Obama Cites Lack Of Polish Golf Courses In Skipping Auschwitz “Many important occasions demand his attention and there is no way he can attend them all and still conduct the affairs of state.” Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, January 28 – US President Barack Obama explained his decision today not to participate in the 70th anniversary ceremonies commemorating the liberation of the Auschwitz extermination camp, noting that …
Rowling Reveals Voldemort Modeled On Muhammad Rowling was last seen donning a Burqa, leaving the building, and blending into the crowd. Edinburgh, Scotland, January 21 – In a shocking revelation, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling told reporters yesterday that the inspiration for the Lord Voldemort character in her blockbuster series of fantasy novels was none other than the Muslim Prophet Muhammad. Voldemort, also known …
After Stabbing On Tel Aviv Bus, EU To Stop Selling Buses To Israel “We cannot in good conscience allow for products under our aegis to be associated with political or religious violence,” said Commission spokeswoman Hedda Pmaias. Brussels, January 21 – In a quick reaction to this morning’s stabbing attack on a Tel Aviv bus, the European Union’s governing body ordered a German bus manufacturer to cease supplying …
Officials Insisting France Welcomes Jews Can’t Keep Straight Face Paris, January 14 – French government officials making declarations to the effect that the French Republic remains and will always be a place where Jews can feel at home have been unable to complete those statements this week without bursting into laughter. Following the captivity and slaughter of four French Jews last Friday, and a …
Al-Qaeda Seeks ICC Membership Retroactive To Sep 12, 2001 The Hague, The Netherlands, January 7 – Following the lead of the nascent State of Palestine, the international terrorist organization Al Qaeda submitted its application today for membership in the International Criminal Court, specifically seeking the court’s action on actions by the United States and its allies since the 12th of September 2001. Palestinian President Mahmoud …
EU To Fund New Echo Chamber For Anti-Israel Academics, Activists Brussels, December 31 – Officials at the European Commission have approved a grant to underwrite the design and manufacture of a better-insulated echo chamber for politicians, activists, and academics who oppose Israel. EC spokesman Wyrol Yessmen told representatives of several anti-Israel organizations today that the Commission had approved their application, and that work on the design …
Israel Issues Travel Warning For US, France, Sweden Jerusalem, December 26 – A spate of ethnic violence in a number of Western countries has prompted the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs to put out a travel advisory warning Israelis to avoid those countries if possible. A series of attacks via automobile in several French cities, apparently by Islamists, heightened fears of terrorist activity …
Taliban Nets Silver Medal In Brutality Games Peshawar, Pakistan, December 17 – Pakistani Taliban competitors surprised judges and spectators alike this week by pulling off a surprise finish in the current round of the Brutality Games by attacking a school, narrowly supplanting Hamas in second place and securing the silver to the Islamic State’s gold. With its assault on a school yesterday in …
Palestinians To Pay Family Of Crown Heights Stabber Ramallah, December 10 – The Palestinian Authority announced today that it had added the name of the man who stabbed a Lubavicher Hasid in Brooklyn early Tuesday morning to its roster of martyrs whose families receive pensions. Late last night a 40-year-old man entered the Chabad Lubavich world headquarters building on Eastern Parkway with a knife. …
Green Activists Lament Unused Space In Nazi Mass Graves Babi Yar, Ukraine, December 5 – Ecology-oriented parties across the Continent are expressing regret that the Nazis and their collaborators did not display more efficient use of precious space by finding more Jews to fill many partially-empty mass graves, and voice readiness to correct that environmental oversight. Minimizing waste has long been a focus of …
Ferguson Protesters Puzzled By Security Council Inaction Ferguson, Missouri, November 28 – African-American residents of this town and their supporters from around the nation have yet to hear from either the United Nations Security Council or its Human Rights Council, disappointing many who expected at least one of those bodies to react the same way they do when Israel appears to do …
Frequent Critic Of Israel Claims No One Allowed To Criticize Israel Chicago, November 22 – A man who earns a comfortable living disseminating criticism of Israel says supporters of Israel make it impossible to criticize Israel, the man told reporters today. Ali Abunimah, 42, lashed out at Israel both online and in the presence of media today for stifling criticism of the Jewish state, referring to the …
State Dept. Replaces Jen Psaki With Copy Of Mein Kampf Washington, DC, November 14 – State Department officials informed reporters this morning that as of next week they will replace their current spokesperson with a copy of Adolph Hitler’s political manifesto, noting that the work would communicate antipathy to Jews and the Jewish nation just effectively as Jen Psaki, but at a fraction of the …
11 SS Men Killed As Jews Try To Change Status Quo At Sobibor Sobibór, Occupied Poland, October 14, 1943 – The Jews of this camp in the Government-General region of Poland tried to change the status quo at the site this week, sparking violence that left eleven SS officers and a number of guards dead. The status quo has been in place since Sobibór began its operations in May of …
Study: Jews Building Homes Biggest Threat To Human Safety New York, November 8 – A new United Nations report released today on global phenomena representing existential threats to mankind points to Israel’s construction activity as the leading danger to the species’ survival. The 100-page report by the United Nations Sustainability and Stability Council analyzes nearly a dozen threats facing civilization, including climate change, pollution, …
School Calls For Calm As Nerds Provoke Bullies By Entering Library Cherry Hill, New Jersey, November 3 – Nerds and bullies clashed today at a local school when geek extremists visited the third-most-important bully hangout site without permission. The clashes began when a Poindexter study group entered the school library with pencils and notebooks. According to agreements already in place, nerds are allowed to visit the …
After Gaza, EU Also Seeking To Give Funds To Avalanche That Killed Israelis Brussels, October 28 – Technical difficulties may prove a challenge, but the governing arm of the European Union is looking into methods for delivering aid to the avalanche in Nepal that killed several Israelis two weeks ago. The move would continue the European Commission’s efforts to finance entities that kill, maim, or threaten Jews, especially …
Angry Nazis: We Got Tried For Killing Jews, But Gaza Gets Billions Vienna, Austria, October 22 – Surviving members of the Nazi Party and SS-run killing squads across Europe voiced displeasure this week over what they called the international community’s double standard in rewarding Hamas with financial aid for attacking Jews while singling out Nazi officials and commanders for war crimes trials for similar actions. A group …
Archaeologists Find The Synagogue King David Would Not Attend “…this house of prayer to YHWH our God, made by the King David so that the king use the other house of prayer located…” Jerusalem, October 20 – Excavators working to the south of the Old City have discovered what they believe is the synagogue that the legendary King David built for purposes of not …
UK Also Votes To Symbolically Recognize Vichy France London, October 15 – Following a vote in the House of Commons Monday to grant symbolic recognition to a Palestinian state, Parliament passed a similar non-binding motion to grant the same recognition to the Pétain government of Nazi-occupied France. The vote, which passed by the same 274-12 margin as the Palestine recognition measure, does not …
City Famous For Beheadings Horrified At Beheading Plot London, October 10 – The city most closely associated with monarchs ordering people’s heads severed from the rest of their bodies expressed shock and horror this week after authorities allegedly uncovered an Islamist plot to perform the same act on residents of that city. The London police took into custody a number of suspects who, …
More Secret Service Failures: Obama Allowed To Meet With Terrorist Washington, DC, October 2 – The agency charged with protecting the president continued to suffer a public relations black eye this week after it emerged that President Obama was allowed to meet with a known terrorist. On September 24 the president held a bilateral meeting with Mahmoud Abbas, head of the Palestine Liberation Organization, a …
Obama Now An Authority On What Is, Is Not Islam New York, September 28 – Muslims around the world are shifting their religious allegiances on matters of doctrine, say experts, as a result of US President Barack Obama’s obvious expertise in their spiritual affairs, which he demonstrated last week by declaring that the Islamic State is not in fact Islamic. The president pronounced last week …
Obama Announces Fine, He’s Really a Muslim Washington, September 19 – Reacting to years of right-wing agitation on the subject, President Barack Obama announced today that, if they insist, fine, he’s actually a Muslim. At a White House press conference this morning, the President told the assembled reporters that after years of ignoring far-right-wing accusations that he’s really a follower of Islam, …
To Keep Citizens From Joining ISIS, Nations To Hold Pillages At Home London, September 13 – To blunt the visceral appeal to young men of a militia that encourages its fighters to engage in brutality, abuse, rape, and theft, countries around the word have developed a plan to keep the potential Islamic State recruits at home by establishing local outlets for the barbaric behavior targeting religious opponents. …
Human Rights Watch Head Tweets About Country Other Than Israel New York, September 5 – Human Rights Watch Director Ken Roth posted a Twitter message this morning that did not focus on alleged misdeeds by Israel, sources inside the organization report. Roth typed and sent a tweet to his followers at 9:40 a.m. Eastern Time on Friday that referred them to massacres taking place in …
FBI: ISIS Plot To Pose As Cops, Shoot Unarmed Black Men Arlington, Virginia, August 30 – The Federal Bureau of Investigation announced today it had foiled a plan by the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) to stoke racial tensions in the US even further by sending operatives to dress as police officers and shoot African-American youths who are obviously carrying no weapons. FBI spokesman …
Gaza Airstrike Sparks New Violence on ‘Story’ Vs. ‘Storey’ Canary Wharf, London, August 24 – A smoldering rivalry between two leading news agencies flared into violence today over the ongoing crisis in the Gaza Strip after each one used a different spelling of the same word to describe the height of a building destroyed in an IAF bombing. Israeli aircraft directed two high-explosive bombs …
Girl Glad She Put That 4th “!” In Her “Support The IDF” Facebook Status Elizabeth, NJ, August 20 – A local teen expressed gratification this morning after deciding to use four, instead of only three, exclamation points in a Facebook post admonishing her friends to show their support for the Israel Defense Forces in the ongoing confrontation with Hamas in and around the Gaza Strip. Batsheva Sudwerts, 16, felt …
Amid Missouri Violence, US To Suspend Missile Delivery To US Washington, August 15 – Following the fatal shooting of an unarmed black teenager in Ferguson, Missouri this week and the heavy-handed police response to the ensuing protests, the Obama administration has instructed the Pentagon to put on hold any scheduled shipments of missiles to the United States, to demonstrate American displeasure with the police and …
Europeans Pandering To Muslims: Appeasement Has Worked So Well Before Paris, August 12 – High-ranking officials in countries such as Britain and France are openly siding with Palestinians against Israel in an effort to maintain political power by appealing to Muslim immigrants, recalling the pre-World-War-II days when appeasing the uncompromising demands of Nazi Germany was so successful in stemming Hitler’s expansionist ambitions. A coalition of …
Bolivia Reinstating Ambassador to Israel In Order To Recall Him La Paz, August 12 – Pressed for ways to showcase displeasure at Israel’s strikes on the Gaza Strip, the government of Bolivia will send its ambassador to Israel, recalled in 2012, back to Tel Aviv just to be able to make the dramatic gesture of recalling him again. Hector Alito departed Tel Aviv in November …
Obama Diagnosed With Inability To Endorse Israel Self-Defense Without “But” Washington, August 10 – White House physicians announced today that they have determined President Barack Obama is affected by a condition that does not allow him to unequivocally support Israel’s right to defend its citizens. It instead forces him to qualify any statement that, without the qualification, would constitute an endorsement of that right. For …
Facebook Acquires Hamas: Tool In Further Emotional Manipulation Studies Menlo Park, CA, August 6 – In a follow up paper to Facebook’s controversial emotional manipulation study, Facebook researchers have found that posts reporting and commenting on military or terrorist actions overseas have a statistically significant impact on people’s moods. In the methodology section of the paper, the authors described how the company quietly acquired …
Baby Björn Launches Ergonomic Human Shield Carrier Solna, Sweden, August 6 – The manufacturer of one of the world’s most prominent baby carriers has announced a line of products to cater to newly emerging demand in the Middle East, a carrier to serve as a back-friendly way of wearing one’s infant human shield. Babybjörn, Ltd. will release the Baby Achmed carrier, a …
Egypt To Broker Truce Between Obama, Israel Cairo, July 30 – Increasing alienation between Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu and US President Barack Obama has prompted Egyptian leader Abdel Fattah el-Sisi to propose that he mediate talks aimed at bridging the chasm separating the two administrations. The American and Israeli leaders have long had a tense relationship personally, and that has exacerbated …
Victims Of Paris Pogrom So Happy Antisemitism A Thing Of The Past Paris, July 22 – Members of Paris’s Jewish community voiced relief today, following a riot by pro-Palestinian demonstrators who ransacked Jewish-owned businesses and threatened Jews, that Jew-hatred in Europe no longer exists. It has long been claimed that a sovereign Jewish state is unnecessary as a refuge for Jews, since, with the defeat of Nazi …
NY Times Editor Discovers Word ‘Terrorist’ In Dictionary New York, July 16 – New York Times Executive Editor Dean Baquet expressed surprise today upon discovering the word “terrorist” in the dictionary, to the point that he repeatedly showed the entry to every other person in the newsroom he could find. Baquet was looking for a precise definition of the pottery term terra cotta, …
Nation That Carpet-Bombed Vietnam Calls For Israeli Restraint Washington, DC, July 10 – The government of the last country to use saturation bombing in combat is admonishing Israel to exercise restraint in its handling of the current offensive in the Gaza Strip. In 1965, the Unites States Air Force commenced a carpet-bombing campaign against North Vietnamese targets, adapting a WWII strategy of saturating …
Jews Held For Murder; Smugness Across Europe Suffocates Dozens Paris, July 7 – Israeli police arrested six suspects in the murder last week of an Arab teenager, leading to the highest levels of smugness in the European atmosphere in decades. At least fifty people were reported hospitalized across Scandinavia and Austria with breathing difficulties stemming from the smug. Sixteen-year-old Muhammad Abu Khdeir was abducted …
EU Denounces Israeli Corpses For Being Found On Palestinian Land Brussels, July 1 – The chief of European Union foreign policy spoke out against the remains of three Israeli teenagers today, criticizing them for being found on land the Palestinians claim. Eyal Yifrach, 19, Gilad Shaer, 16, and Naftali Fraenkel, 16, students at a yeshiva in the Etzion Bloc of communities south of Jerusalem, were …
China ‘Smashes’ 32 Terrorist Groups; World Reacts By Slamming Israel Xinjiang, China, June 25 – Persistent unrest in this heavily Muslim region has led Chinese authorities to crack down on the native Uighur population, killing at least 13 and sentencing hundreds more to incarceration or execution, leading the United Nations and other international bodies to condemn Israel for its treatment of the Palestinians. China has …
White House Finally Chimes In On Missing Israelis Washington, June 19 – First Lady Michelle Obama stepped into the political fray over the three kidnapped Israeli teens today, posting a photo to Twitter with her holding a sign referring to the abduction. The content of the sign served as both an expression of the first couple’s views on the matter and an explanation …
US To Maintain Ties With Hamas-Backed Gov’t: ‘Because Jews Are Expendable’ Washington, DC, June 14 – Officials at the State Department restated their intention to recognize and maintain dealings with the Palestinian unity government despite the kidnapping yesterday morning of three Israeli teenagers by Palestinians, explaining that by nature, the lives of Israelis carry less weight than those of other nationalities. Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki told …
Europe: Muslims Should Leave Killing Of Jews To Us Paris, June 7 – The aftermath of the fatal shootings in a Belgian Jewish Museum two weeks ago by a Muslim with French citizenship has the Continent’s far right in an uproar, as the anti-immigrant, antisemitic groups in question believe the task of massacring Jews is best handled by them. Mehdi Nemmouche, 29, who also …
Europe Injures Fingers Handwringing Over Antisemitism Brussels, June 1 – The fatal shooting attack at the Jewish Museum in this Belgian capital has led to additional injuries, as the gestures associated with agonizing over persistent hate have caused Europe to seek treatment for sprains and irritation in its fingers. The injuries may prevent the continent from doing anything about the issue, …
Pope Rescinds Palestine Recognition: ‘Evil Terrorist Bastards’ Ben Gurion International Airport, Israel, May 26 – Pope Francis took the opportunity upon his departure from the Holy Land to retract the Vatican’s recognition of the State of Palestine this evening, calling the leaders of the Palestinian government and nationalist movements evil terrorists who deserve damnation and suffering, not legitimacy. The normally congenial pontiff …
Obama Defends Inaction On Syria Chemical Attacks: ‘Never Said Simon Says’ Washington, DC, May 19 – President Obama hit back at critics of his policy on the Syrian civil war today, insisting that he never committed to getting the US directly involved in the conflict even if Basher Assad’s forces crossed the “red line” of using chemical weapons, as nowhere in his statements on the conflict …
Muslim Men Checking E-Bay For Kidnapped Nigerian Schoolgirls Bamako, Mali, May 12 – With virgin brides at a premium in this bustling region, many Muslim men realized that the abduction by Islamic militants of 276 schoolgirls in Nigeria presented a rare opportunity to obtain a pristine new bride, and have been scouring the internet and other sources in hopes of obtaining one or …
Biblical Ezra Visits Teaneck, Performs Facepalm Teaneck, New Jersey, May 5 – On the date of the Hebrew calendar that marks the anniversary of modern Israel’s establishment as a state, Ezra, the hero of the eponymous Biblical narrative, expressed frustration that the Jews of that township and of North America in general were committing the identical error to that of the …
“Never Again” Facebook Posts To Magically Prevent Another Holocaust Berlin, April 27 – Bruno Schmidt, 30, has spent most of his life as an ardent admirer of Nazism, but after hearing that Chloe Horowitz, 17, of Teaneck, New Jersey, liked a “Never Again” post on her friend Shira Scheinerman’s wall, he has renounced his hateful worldview and resolves to correct his behavior. The proliferation …
Obama Offers To Kill Americans Himself If Islamists Agree Not To Washington, DC, April 24 – Speaking on the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing, President Obama sounded a conciliatory note toward Islamists by suggesting that he could engineer the deaths of Americans instead of forcing terrorists to do so. The president called the bombing one year ago “unfortunate,” and the finger-pointing at the Islamist motivations …
Obama Apologizes To Muslims For Anti-Jewish Kansas Attacks Washington, DC, April 17 – President Obama expressed remorse today over the fatal shootings in Kansas this week, apologizing to Muslims for allowing Jews to be seen as victims. Frazier Glenn Cross, 73, a known White Supremacist, went on a shooting spree in Overland park, a suburb of Kansas City, resulting in the deaths of …
Heavenly Bodies Still Adjusting To Heliocentrism The orbits of the planets were originally described as circular, but in the last few centuries they have shifted to more elliptical paths, indicating an ongoing adjustment to the cosmic changes. The Milky Way, October 15 – It has been nearly five centuries since the universe’s shift from an Earth-centered solar system to one in …
Zionist Conspiracy Apologizes For Washington State Landslide New York, April 1 – A spokesman for the International Zionist Conspiracy expressed regret to day over its engineering of the deadly landslide in Oso, Washington, that left 18 confirmed dead and 22 missing. He called the disaster a failure of oversight, explaining that miscalculations by the Conspiracy’s tectonic control staff had made the mudslide …
Muslims Furious That Jews Not Blamed More For Missing Plane Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, March 26 – In the continuing mystery surrounding the exact circumstances that led to a Malaysia Airlines aircraft disappearing into the Indian Ocean, the Muslim world is expressing outrage that the obvious perpetrators, the Jews, are all but absent from the content of official discussions of the investigation. Flight 370 from Kuala …
Europe Running Out Of Jewish Tombstones To Deface Tatabanya, Hungary, March 18 – Antisemitic vandals spray-painted swastikas and slogans all over the Jewish cemetery here last week, stoking worries among Europe’s far-right leadership that they face a looming shortage of such sites to deface. The desecration highlights the need to produce more Jewish graves as soon as possible, and maintain a steady supply, …