Community Puzzled Over Lack Of Tunnels, Arms Storage Space In Plans For Rebuilt Gaza Mosque “I know the Imam – he would never serve in a building without at least a hiding place to keep captive Jews.”
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Showing 61–120 of 599 articles · Page 2 of 10
Community Puzzled Over Lack Of Tunnels, Arms Storage Space In Plans For Rebuilt Gaza Mosque 
Iran Still Hoping To Derail Abraham Accords, Allah’s Will “One does not simply submit to the will of Allah,” explained Aweedigh, whose entire system means “submission.”
Cherished Superhero Comics Buried With Other Sacred Jewish Texts He is mulling a memorial ceremony to mark the thirtieth day since the burial of the comics.
Apocalyptic Visions Just Prophet Reliving Each Time He Didn’t Grasp Girls Were Flirting With Him He channels those crushing moments into tirades about the devastation that awaits people who deceive, oppress, or rob.
Wartime Crowding Of Hell Entrance Delayed Carter Death Carter’s position as a former leader of the free world and member of the Slander Israel Club necessitated a level of detail that requires a special appointment.
Palestine Activist Knows Hanukkah Candles AKSHULLY Celebrate Increasing Gaza Deaths “No one celebrated Hanukkah until the Zionists made it a thing, to establish a fake connection to Palestine.”
Man Who Blasts Jews For Loopholes, Shortcuts, Gives Kid Combined Christmas/Birthday Gift “Those Jews think they can fool God!”
Man’s Only Consistent Religious Practice Is Coming 90 Minutes Late To Services His routine otherwise features no noticeable commitment to everyday practices typical of the orthodox Jewish lifestyle.
Native Americans Relieved Conquerors Not Muslim, So OK To Call Them Imperialists, Occupiers “We dodged a metaphorical bullet – and likely quite a few literal ones – by having as our oppressors one of the classes of people it’s okay to bad-mouth.”
Prayer Rudely Interrupts Man’s Mid-Prayer Reverie “My whole vibe got wrecked. It’s like he expects people to pay attention to what he’s reciting.”
Hezbollah Fans Upset At Wrong Side Involving Mosques In Fight “Israel can’t just do what its enemies do.”
New Pilgrimage Develops To See ‘Aravah That Did Not Wither By 3rd Day Of Sukkot Almost 24 hours longer than any previously-documented record.
Child Still Sore At Synagogue Candy Man For Shirking Duties On Yom Kippur “We should have thrown him in the river instead of the bread!”
Synagogue Attack Thwarted By Expensive High Holiday Seats “I thought Jews were supposed to be cheapskates.”
Devil Driven To Torment Job After Losing Fiddle To Georgia Boy “Best there’s ever been” honesty in a person with peak ability, unadulterated by ambition, was simply unfamiliar to the devil.
Convergent Meanings Of ‘Canaan’ And ‘Islam’ Gives Man Biblical Idea For ‘Pacifying’ Land “It’s not about ancient history, it’s not about the past, it’s about the present! Who’s with me?!”
Persian Satrap Hits Reply-All On Haman’s Proclamation To 127 Provinces The use of so many couriers strained the supply for other important communications.
Anti-Zionists Say Matza Not Jewish, Just Stolen From Egypt “It’s the same story as falafel, shawarma, shakshuka, and all the other foods that Jews ate wherever they lived but aren’t allowed to adopt.”
No Accident: Waves Of Messianic Process Coincide With Spread Of Chocolate Two of the most iconic names in chocolate today, Nestlé and Hershey, launched their brands right just as secular political Zionism got underway.
Palestinians Nix ‘How To Rape Boys According To Islamic Law’ TV Episodes “Perhaps by the end of the 2020’s, it will be seen as intolerant and racist to express negative views of boy-rape. Then we can air the canceled episodes.”
GOP Convention Attendees Gets Awkward As Prayer Leader Goes Carlebach Style “Bring in that Star Spangled Banner girl instead!”
Aging Cantor Blasts ‘Synagogue Elites’ Who Seek To Replace Him “Concerns over my mental acuity and physical stamina are being used to mask political machinations.”
Community Shocked: Chabad Family Has No Sons Called Menachem Mendel, Shneur Zalman “Something doesn’t add up.”
Man Thinks Group With ‘Crazy’ Safeguards To Prevent Sins, Try To ‘Trick God’ With Technicalities He has acknowledged he has no knowledge of Hebrew, Jewish hermeneutics, or Talmud.
Yeshiva Dropout Suggests IDF Avoid Genocide Charges By Using Bullets ‘Sold’ To A Goy “We do it with chametz,” he argued.
Islamic Martyrs Too Late To Heaven: Natives Already Sacrificed All The Virgins “Given the lack of prophecy, we could not issue updates.”
Gaza Haggadah Inflates Number Of Dead Palestinian Children Instead Of Number Of Plagues The sum reaches “more than the population of the Gaza Strip.”
Expanding Definition Of ‘Al Aqsa’ On Track To Include Entire Levant By 2034 “Al Aqsa only seems to expand in directions associated with the presence of Jews.”
If Not Now Seder Advanced To Friday Morning They cannot afford to squander such an opportunity to piggyback their political agenda onto an ancient tradition.
Elders Forget Gentile Blood; Jews Forced To Use Water In Matza For 3,336th Year In A Row “Preferably the blood of a Christian child, but that’s more custom than anything else. There weren’t any Christians yet at the Exodus.”
Office Of Inquisition Revived For Use Against Insufficiently ‘Pro-Palestine’ Jews “Anyone with insufficient devotion to freeing Palestine through blood and fire cannot claim to be progressive.”
God Too Busy Listening To Freddy Mercury’s Dope-Ass Music On Repeat To Judge Him Attempts by several angels to interrupt with questions prompted a divine grin and the words, “Don’t Stop Me Now.”
Progressives Ambivalent About Bible: Characters Nonwhite But Whites Fond Of Them “It’s doubly problematic because we associate the word Israel with oppressors.”
After Enslaving Hebrews, Pharaoh Calls Plagues ‘Escalation’ “We could have capped the level of suffering at slavery and infanticide vs. occasional blood, amphibians, and bugs. No, you had to introduce pestilence.”
Madrassa Instructor Caught Masturbating To Pics Of IDF Troops In Diapers “If it were actual kids, or goats, no one would mind.”
Guitar Sitting Ominously In Corner At Synagogue Teen Leadership Seminar The sight indicated they were in for an even more awkward time than the cringe they had anticipated.
Single Prehistoric Supercontinent Means All Land Actually Islamic Pangaea’s Islamic status does not necessarily indicate that earlier supercontinents were not also Dar-al-Islam.
J-Street To Offer Conversion So Antisemites Can Libel Israel ‘As A Jew…’ Forging Identity for Goyim to Legitimize Explicit Antisemitic Fulminations (FIGLEAF).
Chazan At Shul With Best Kiddush In Town Thinks People Come To Hear Him Sing “Ten times the number most of the other shuls in the area get.”
35-Year-Old Hamas Child Martyr To Be Tried In Heaven As Adult “All of the Gaza dead are children. Even the journalists.”
Unsure What Tenth Of Tevet Marks, If Not Now Falls Back On Mid-Afternoon Havdalah Service The group views its stated Jewishness not as a spiritual path but as a political identity.
Bar Mitzva Boy’s Friends Slammed For ‘Disproportionate’ Pelting With Candies “Callousness toward safety and human rights that, unfortunately, the civilized world has come to expect.”
Group Pushing For Jewish Resettlement Of Gaza Worried About Proper Mezuzah-Placement At Tunnel Entrances “People reestablishing Jewish homes in Gaza will have to address each doorway on a case-by-case basis.”
Man Whose Politics Overlap With Fringe Jewish Group Decides Only They Practice REAL Judaism He also dismisses pro-Israel Arabs, especially patriotic Arab citizens of Israel, as “token” minorities.
Minds OK With Muhammad’s Flying Horse Unable To Grasp Notion Of Jewish Self-Defense “Defend themselves? From whom? When has anyone ever mistreated Jews?”
72 Virgins Never Specified ‘Human,’ And This Shaheed LOVES His Baaa-d Luck “I am IN LITERAL HEAVEN.”
People Who Burn Babies Not High On Allah’s List Of Those He Wants Proclaiming His Greatness “You cannot honestly believe that is what I want.”
Satan Annoyed At Latest Hamas Arrivals; ‘I Thought I Finished With These Bastards In 1945’ “They keep showing up here all these decades later.”
Man’s Entire Personality Based On Correcting Torah-Reader At least half-a-dozen regulars at the 8:00 AM service show similar enthusiasm for catching the reader in mistakes both substantial and insubstantial.
Study: Majority Of Hamas Backers Adhere Not To Wahhabism But Whataboutism Hamas owes something to Wahhabism in its ideology, though Whataboutism has proved much more salient in current rhetoric.
Egyptian Translation Of Biblical ‘Appear Before The LORD’ As ‘Storm Al-Aqsa’ “We have provided an accessible source that indicates the origins of the practice.”
Family Makes Annual Devotional Ritual To Six Flags, Leaves Ceremonial Offerings Of Gaming Tokens “Tradition is very important in this family.”
Teen Shocked To Discover Jewish Law Still Applies On Weekends, Vacation He either remains unaware, or refuses to accept, that the provisions of Jewish law make no distinction.
Bibi Foes, Supporters Doing Bang-Up Job Of Religion/Ideology Use As Pretext For Power “It exactly mirrors idolatry, which is, in practice, the worship of power.”
Man Insists Smokin’ Hot Sister-In-Law Irrelevant To His Push To Reinstitute Levirate Marriage “Please ignore her intelligence, humor, style, gracefulness, affection…”
Jordan Peterson Challenges Climate Change Prophets To Contest Atop Mt. Carmel “Petty tyrants.”
Man Teaching Talmud Passage Decrying Baseless Hate Assures Congregants Their Hate Not Baseless What if Bar Kamtza had been a Trump supporter?
Man Saved 1980’s Rebbe Trading Cards, Thinking They’d Be Valuable Someday Neighbors bought Upper Deck baseball cards, but Sam and his classmates latched onto a more Jewish equivalent that teachers had encouraged them to collect.
“Maybe my shushing everyone through the years is finally having an effect.”
Synagogue Congregant Fails To Start ‘Wave’ “Things in the women’s section were just dead.”