Showing 481–540 of 578 articles · Page 9 of 10
The Existence Of Jews Violates My Religious Rights By Mahmoud al-Zahar, Hamas Official You Western people talk a lot about religious tolerance, but everyone knows it’s nothing but a sham. You show absolutely no consistency when it comes to the religious rights of Muslims, such as their right to live in a Jew-free world. Hypocrites. If the West genuinely cared about religious freedom, …
Sucker! That Other Goat Gets Slaughtered While I Take A Nice Walk By Azazel the Goat Jerusalem, 10 Tishrei – It’s Yom Kippur, which means those Jews in their temple are doing that atonement thing. And it means I lucked out, because that other goat was just selected as an offering for the LORD, and I get to wear this red string on my horns and go …
Is Four Images Of Bar Refaeli Per Day Enough For The Home Page? By Oded Shahar, Ynet Intern Pardon me, Mr. Home Page Editor? It’s Oded, Oded Shahar – I just started as an intern here last week, and, well – I just need to know as a general rule, is four images of Bar Refaeli enough for one day’s material on the home page? I’m asking, obviously, …
How Much Can I Write About Gaza Misery Without Mentioning Rockets? By Jodi Rudoren, NY Times Jerusalem Bureau Chief Journalism is both a challenging and rewarding profession. While my responsibilities as bureau chief require me to engage in almost as much management of people as of stories, I still get to write. Writing presents challenges of its own, and I relish those challenges, but foremost among …
It’s A Bit Creepy How You Never Tire Of Our ‘Occupation’ Mantra By Saeb Erekat, Palestinian Negotiator It’s great to feel like the world has your back, it really is. International support has sustained the Palestinian cause for several generations now, and we appreciate it. But I must admit it’s a mite unsettling that without fail, whenever we put forth some grievance we have against the Occupation, …
I Emphatically Deny My E-mail Is Not In The Ashley Madison Database By Binyamin Netanyahu Many a reputation has been sullied by the release of the e-mail addresses from the extramarital affairs website Ashley Madison. I, however, refuse to let the list define my character: The content of that database notwithstanding, I hereby deny, with all necessary rhetorical force, that my e-mail address was not in it. …
I Hope They Don’t Find My Deleted Ashley Madison Messages By Hillary Clinton It’s a decisive time in American politics, and I don’t just mean the Iran Deal. The Democratic primary race is heating up, and I hardly need tell you that certain issues are going to keep cropping up, like a game of whack-a-mole. One of those is the missing e-mails from my time …
Did I Leave The Nuclear Launch Codes In Vienna? By John Kerry I travel a lot. When a man travels a lot, he’s bound to leave things in various places. Once I left my good razor in Saigon, and a couple of pairs of dress socks in Beijing. I’m pretty sure I brought all my clothes and toiletries back from the nuclear talks in …
We’ll Know They’ve Caught The Right Duma Suspects If They’re Jewish By The British Broadcasting Corporation Our job as one of the world’s most venerable, reputable news organizations is to use our judgement to determine what events our worthy of your attention, and, in the process, to arrive at an assessment of what reports are reliable. For example, in the case of the fatal arson in …
We Have To Stop Blaming One Another And That’s Bibi’s Fault By MK Michal Rozin, Meretz Esteemed colleagues, fellow Members of Knesset, and Mr. Speaker – thank you for allowing me to speak. Like everyone else who has addressed the plenum today, I’ve come to stress a message of universal brotherhood and the need to heal our destructive divisions. The first thing we must do is …
Good Thing I Didn’t Kill Cecil The Lion, Or People Would Hate Me By Basher Assad, President, Republic of Syria The ferocity and swiftness of international opprobrium directed at that Minnesota dentist who killed a protected lion in Africa drives home an important lesson for my stewardship of this country: I’m glad I didn’t kill that lion, because if I had, boy would people hate me! I do …
Hadrian: Glad We Agree On Erasing Jewish History In Holy Land By Publius Aeoliua Hadrianus Caesar, Emperor of Rome It is not often that a political and military leader of the mighty Roman empire sees eye to eye with the inhabitants of the barbarous areas beyond the mighty Legions’ reach. But indeed, what we are seeing is nothing less than broad agreement that it is necessary …
One Day We Hope To Categorize An IDF Target As Military By Amnesty International We human rights organizations bear a tremendous responsibility when it comes to exposing and publicizing information on the situation in conflict zones. That is why Amnesty set clear rules and goals for its data gathering and analysis processes. We do not always achieve those goals, but the unmet goals still serve as …
Savings? Not When We’re Going To Get Nuked Anyway By Moshe Kahlon, Minister of Finance Let me get this straight: you want me to worry about affordable housing, the cost of living, defense expenditures, struggling Holocaust survivors, fiscal responsibility, and a crumbling health care system, while none of that is going to matter in a few years when Iran gets the bomb? Get real. …
We Palestinians Are Free To Criticize Anyone Abbas Lets Us Criticize By Palestinian Prime Minister Rami Hamdallah Ramallah, July 10 – It is time to put to rest the notion that the Palestinian Authority suppresses free speech. Palestinians under President Mahmoud Abbas’s rule are free to say anything, criticize anyone, as long as the sentiments have been approved by Abbas’s officials. Reports of Palestinians arrested by …
We Cockroaches Are All In Favor Of This Iran Deal By Flitter the Roach Under the Fridge, July 6 – You humans are right to be worked up about Iran’s nuclear ambitions, but only if you insist on your anthropocentric view. We cockroaches have no problem with a nuclear Iran. Or North Korea. Or Pakistan. A nuclear holocaust is no threat to OUR genus. Inspections …
Excuse Me Mr. ISIS Jail Guard, But I Only Eat Gluten-Free By Prisoner 3445509 Yoo hoo! Excuse me! Mr. guard? Over here, yes, the second cell from the end. Thank you for these rations. They look nourishing. But you know, I avoid gluten. Would it be possible to get something not made of grain? Thanks! Listen, I know you’re a busy man, and this might not …
I Hope My Grave Is Desecrated By Someone Important It would have to be a real hands-on leader, a person who revels in leading by example. By Mor-Tal Koyle At some point we’re just going to have to accept that haters will be haters and that the desecration of Jewish graves is all but inevitable. Law enforcement has proved either ineffective or unwilling, and …
Somehow People Are Seeing Through Our Denials Of Antisemitism By the BDS Movement Our words could be no clearer on the subject: we do not hate Jews. Yet for some reason, people insist on looking at more than just those words – as if other things we say could possibly be relevant to the conversation – and discovering we’ve said some pretty nasty things …
Omar Barghouti Is Actually A Zionist Agent The US Congress is considering a sweeping anti-BDS law. I must give credit where credit is due: Omar, we couldn’t have done this without you. By Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu Now is as good a time to let it be known as any: BDS movement leader Omar Barghouti is one of our boys. Usually the …
It’s Racist To Point Out Our Racism By Saeb Erekat, Chief Palestinian Negotiator In 2015, one should not have to point out racist behavior that should have disappeared long ago. I should not need to call people’s attention to racism, since they should, by now, have grown sensitive to it on their own. That is why I feel both regret and frustration that …
Since When Does A Democratically Elected Government Get To Make Policy? Just keep plugging away at that message, invoking fascism every time the Right does anything, keeping the focus off our own antidemocratic machinations. By Aluf Benn, Editor-in-Chief, Haaretz If Binyamin Netanyahu thinks he gets to take the lead in determining this country’s future just because his got the most votes in a free and …
We Must Disregard Elections In Favor Of Opinion Poll Results by Ed Miliband and Isaac Herzog Both of our countries witnessed hard-fought national elections this year, elections that featured a striking similarity: in both cases, opinion polls leading up to the voting indicated the results were too close to call, with Labour holding perhaps a slight edge – only to discover on Election Day that …
The Nazis Lost, So Caricaturing Them Is “Punching Down” By Garry Trudeau, cartoonist People trying to defend Charlie Hebdo’s artists on free speech grounds might have an argument, but the exercise of free expression carries responsibility. One may not abuse that right just to offend a persecuted minority – which is why I pose the question: with the Nazis out of power and long ago …
Time To Let The Holocaust Go So We Can Move On To The Next One By Tim Willcox, British Broadcasting Corporation The last Nazi concentration camp was liberated seventy years ago, but judging from contemporary rhetoric, one would think the atrocities occurred just last week. Social progress will never happen if our society is mired in the past, which is why our news organization firmly believes that we must lay the …
Those Sons Of Apes And Pigs Must Stop Dehumanizing Us By Saeb Erekat, Palestinian Negotiator The key to Israeli-Palestinian peace lies with the people, not with the politicians. A stable, lasting accord must be based in mutual respect for the other’s sovereignty and human dignity. That is why those descendants of apes and pigs must cease their dehumanization campaign against the Palestinian people. Whether or …
Pierce My Extremities At The End Of ‘Holey’ Week? Good One! By Jesus of Nazareth Dudes, you got me. That has got to be one of the best practical jokes in history. I’m not above admitting when I’ve been positively owned. Driving spikes through my appendages just so you could call these several days ‘Holey’ Week? Nailed. Just nailed it. Kudos. There I was, minding everybody …
With Palestinian Tax Revenue Unfrozen, I Can Get The Yacht I Wanted If any members of the press wish to discuss the ongoing misery of the Palestinian people, feel free to visit me on my new 60-foot beauty. By Saeb Erekat, Palestinian negotiator Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu’s decision to finally release the tax revenue Israel collects for the Palestinian Authority is certainly an important step in reducing …
I Hate The Stereotype Of Us Nazi-Loving Palestinians As Antisemitic It simply does not add up. Certainly not to six million. Maybe a few hundred thousand. But I digress. By Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas Prejudice is a terrible thing, as I need not inform you. We all know what happens when we let our preconceived assumptions govern our reactions to others based not on the …
I Want Gaza Reconstructed So I Can Start Defrauding Homeowners By Ali Jabari, contractor It isn’t just the thousands of residents of the Gaza Strip who are frustrated at the lack of progress over reconstruction after last summer’s war. My fellow building contractors and I also feel vexed at being denied the opportunity to scam homeowners out of their money. The ways in which a …
There Will Be Plenty Of Time To Discuss Iran Deal After It’s Signed By US Secretary of State John Kerry The hullabaloo surrounding Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s speech to Congress this past week provides just the latest example of the misguided assumptions governing discourse of a developing agreement with Iran over its nuclear program. The heightened rhetoric obscures one very basic fact: there will be plenty of …
Actually, Most Israelis Want To See Tel Aviv Nuked Also By the Rest of Israel The rhetoric surrounding Bibi Netanyahu’s scheduled speech to the US Congress about Iran’s nuclear program represents just one more little storm obscuring one important detail: most Israelis want Tel Aviv to get nuked. Let’s just be straightforward about it. The place is a moral train wreck with a stifling inferiority complex. …
Mr. Muhammad The Prophet, These Passport Photos Are Unusable By Shelly Davis, Passport Documentation Processing Clerk, US Postal Service OK, Mr. The Prophet, thank you for submitting your application. Let me see the form…good, nice to see you wrote clearly. Alright, all the information is there. Did you remember two passport photos? Great, let’s have a look…oh, no. I’m sorry, Mr. The Prophet, but these …
Top Ten Rejected UNRWA Marketing Slogans 
No Wonder The World Wants To Kill You People You’ve always been a bunch of troublemakers. By US President Barack Obama You have to have a thick skin to succeed in politics. The higher you rise, the thicker that skin must be, so as you can imagine, I’ve developed a certain toughness, a certain tolerance for criticism. Unless it comes from you Jews. Then …
This Song At The Sea Would Sound Good If The Tribe Of Dan Would Shut Up By Gad the Levite We just witnessed a miraculous salvation – the LORD split the Sea of Reeds and left dry land through which we passed, and then drowned the Egyptian cavalry behind us. Of course we burst forth in inspired song – well, most of us. Some of us can’t carry a tune, and are …
Only Terrorists’ Grievances Are Worth Discussing By Federica Mogherini, High Representative of the European Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy The civilized world’s reaction to the shootings in Paris several weeks ago led to some important soul-searching among Western leaders and thinkers: while the attacks are certainly worthy of condemnation, they must nevertheless prompt us to consider the legitimate grievances of …
We’re Pleased To Announce Jim Clancy Has Joined Stormfront By Don Black, Founder and Webmaster, Stormfront.org It’s not everyday that a grassroots operation such as ours lands a veteran personality from the mainstream media. But this organization is both pleased and proud to welcome Mr. Jim Clancy as a regular contributor to our site’s content, now that the Zionist pigs have pressured CNN into …
Jewish Settlements Are The REAL Story In The Paris Attacks By Saeb Erekat The mainstream media are missing the point of the recent shooting attacks in France. It isn’t about rising Islamism, or the failure to integrate hundreds of thousands of Muslim immigrants. It isn’t about the availability of guns, or even about the apparent incompatibility of liberal values with Islam. It’s really about Jewish …
I Hope This 4-Year Presidential Term Lasts At Least 12 By Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas A strong, robust democracy is what Palestine needs, and genuine rule of law. That’s why I am spearheading an effort to get my four-year term as president to extend at least twelve years; one can only accomplish a limited amount of law-upholding and democracy-robustifying in four years. As I look …
We’ll OK The UN Statehood Bid If It Includes Unlimited Breadsticks By Hassan Yousef, Hamas Leader The leadership of Hamas announced yesterday that it does not support Mahmoud Abbas’s effort to get the UN Security Council to endorse a Palestinian State, since the move “does not represent the consensus of Palestinians.” This remains broadly true, but I must stress that I, personally, speak for a large …
We Don’t Discriminate – We Let ANYONE Kill Jews By Mahmoud A-Zahar, Hamas Spokesman Our organization gets a lot of bad press about how we discriminate against various populations: women, Christians, whoever. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is that we offer equal opportunity for anyone to achieve eternal life and bliss by killing Jews. No one is excluded from this …
You Gave My Peace Prize To WHOM?! By Alfred Nobel Wait, wait, run that by me again: the Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded my flagship prize to a lifelong terrorist? If I weren’t dead already I’d die from shock. You folks evidently have no idea what you’re doing. Yeah, to you that’s old news. It happened in 1994. So kill me. I’ve been …
Looks Like My Legacy Is People Arguing About My Legacy By Yitzhak Rabin Legacies are complicated things. The very idea that the teachings to be gleaned from the departed can be captured in a succinct fashion contradicts the complexity and nuance of his life and the lessons to draw from it, but I will say this: my legacy appears to be people fighting over who gets to define …
Is It Time To Take Down The Sukkah Yet? By Indy Saisev Judaism is usually pretty specific about when to do what. All you have to do is look in a book or two and you have your answer. So I’m finding it both troubling and confusing that no one seems to know when you’re supposed to take down the sukkah. My teachers were …
All Palestinians Wish To Become Martyrs – Well, Those Not In Office By Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian President I have said it before and I shall say it again: all Palestinians desire to become holy martyrs in the struggle for our land. Well, all Palestinians except us, the ones in power. Let’s be honest here. The fight for justice and our dignity is our national goal, and everyone with a …
Whoa – I Almost Praised The Killings In English Too By Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas My office issued a condemnation of the killings in Jerusalem yesterday, almost as soon as I heard about them. It was important that the world see that announcement, in English, so that it would be clear what position the Palestinian people are taking on the public stage. What the world …
We’re Not Antisemitic – We Haven’t Had A Holocaust In Like 70 Years By The European Union The recent spate of antisemitic violence in France is deplorable, as were the various attacks on Jews in Belgium and elsewhere over the last several months. But it would be irresponsible and malicious to say that Europe as a whole remains antisemitic – we haven’t had a Holocaust here in almost …
Concrete Blocks At Jerusalem Stations – Unacceptable ‘Facts On The Ground’ By US Secretary of State John Kerry The people of Israel have the sympathy of the United States government as they face mounting tension and violence. But responding to that violence by placing concrete blocks at train stations only creates facts on the ground that make a negotiated solution to the conflict more difficult to …
It’s So Cute How You Think Anti-Israel Stances Will Make Us Love You By Mustafa Abu Bakr, Muslim Immigrant to Sweden Cynics will point to Sweden’s recognition of the State of Palestine this week and accuse Stockholm of pandering to the country’s large and growing Muslim population. To which we Muslims say: you’re not being cynical enough. The fact is, no amount of anti-Israel rhetoric, policy, or politicking …
Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Brought The Mosquitoes Onto The Ark It’s been several weeks into this dark journey aimed at preserving all animal life on land, and I’m having second thoughts over this decision to allow entry to certain species of stinging insects. Creatures aboard my ark are barred from reproducing, with the amount of food limited to basic survival needs. The Anopheles mosquito, which uses …
I Also Think The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Caused Ebola By US Secretary of State John Kerry You Israelis are so hypersensitive. You overreact to every little distortion, every little indication that I’ve swallowed the big Palestinian lie hook, line, and sinker. But you should save your bile for when I make pronouncements far more offensive than attributing the threat of the Islamic State to …
Our Goal In BDS Is Actually To Put Washed-Up Artists Back In The News By Omar Barghouti Critics of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement against Israel miss the point when they accuse us of hypocrisy or inconsistency by challenging us over our peculiar choice of Israel when far worse abuses of human rights take place in many other places. The point is not to confront immoral regimes with a …
Just Kidding! I Don’t Forgive Anyone. You’re All Going To Die. By The Lord Your God The morning after the Day of Atonement, you’re feeling pretty good abut yourself. Yesterday was tough, but you managed to get through the fast, to make a sincere attempt at changing for the better, and maybe even to put some real fervor into your prayers. You might even have felt …
War On Terror Not Actually A War, Technically, Sort Of Washington, September 29 – So is it a war? The US bombed Syria? Finally! Wait, what? Not Assad? OK, we’re officially confused.
Even We Can’t Keep Track Of All Our Conspiracies Anymore By the International Zionist Conspiracy The twenty-first century is a pretty complex place. The world is teeming with more than seven billion souls, with international and domestic crises to manage absolutely everywhere. As you can imagine, the level of International Zionist Conspiracy involvement has never been higher, but the sheer number of events going on …
Ray Rice: I Expected Y’all To Blame Israel, Not Me By Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens Running Back I’m as shocked as the next guy over the video of me beating up my wife: since when do the media blame anyone but Israel when dark-skinned people suffer? We just went through a month-and-a-half war between Israel and Hamas, and one of the recurring themes was that …
I’m Telling You, There’s No Military Solution To Nazi Germany By Zahava Gal-On, Meretz You’re not going to hear this from your right-wing government, but as a member of the Opposition it’s my job to confront everyone with the unpleasant truth: despite the Allies’ superior military capacity, there is no military solution to the Nazi conquest of Europe. I am aware of the indignance this …
ISIS Is Obviously Mocking Me, by Nearly Headless Nick Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington Beheading is a brutal method of execution, as I well know. Especially if performed improperly. But insult is a more grievous offense. It therefore injures me, in ways that an axe can no longer, to witness the cavalier use of beheadings in Iraq and Syria, as if declaring that any respectable execution would …
By Mahmoud A-Zahar, Hamas Leader Zionist leader Binyamin Netanyahu tried to get the West to believe that the murderous, brutal Islamic State in Iraq and Syria is cut from the same cloth as our noble Resistance. I am here to tell you that such an analogy misses the mark egregiously, because the two organizations are …