Middle East

About half of Israel’s Jewish population boasts Mizrahi ancestry. Amman, January 5 – A prolific user of social media with staunch political views continued to argue today both that the Jews who lived under Arab hegemony for most of the last 1500 years must give primacy to the Arab, not Jewish, element of their identity, …

“We mainstream media people ate it up, because of course we love science, especially the part where it gets used to confirm our biases.” Tehran, December 27 – Leaders of the Islamic Republic took a page from the Dr. Anthony Fauci playbook today by announcing that they, too, represent the noble pursuit of human knowledge …

The land was Jewish only starting about three and a half thousand years ago. Abu Dis, December 16 – A descendant of an influential Bedouin clan speaks of his prestigious origins at any given opportunity, observers report, especially their pedigree as native to Palestine from time immemorial, specifically from the nineteenth century CE when elements …

Palestinian leadership has sought to emulate attacking an enemy that stands in the way of questionable territorial and demographic goals, thereby all but guaranteeing eventual humiliation and removal from the echelons of entities whose agendas drive global policymakers. Ramallah, December 7 – Eighty years after a carrier-based bombing attack on the main American naval base in …

“The hurt is magnified because until Zionism came along, forcing Jews to drink Muslim wastewater, whether figuratively or literally, was the norm in the region.” Ashkelon, November 25 – Activists denounced the Jewish state again today over its discriminatory attitudes and policies, in this case over the latter’s refusal to operate a desalination plant just up …

“The honor-shame culture of the Arab and Islamic worlds doesn’t give way easily, but I think they’ll come around within a century.” Beirut, November 8 – Residents of the Levant and beyond, who have absorbed more than a century of propaganda accusing Zionists of aiming to take over the entire area, voiced their impatience once …

Evidence has so far failed to sway the leadership of a country that happily allowed German spies to attempt entry to Britain from its territory. Dublin, November 17 – An island state to the west of Britain whose government maintained neutrality toward the Third Reich, and whose people facilitated Luftwaffe navigation toward blacked-out British cities …

“I won’t be raping those girls who are asking for it, at least not out in the middle of the street where everyone can see, but it’s the same kind of power trip.” Evin Prison, October 28 – An employee at the Islamic Republic’s most notorious detention facility known for its humiliation and brutal physical, …

Outside a core of staunch regime loyalists and among Iran’s Shiite supporters in the Middle East, fan and official reactions have uniformly criticized Iran’s decision. Dubai, October 19 – Enthusiasts of the wizarding world’s most popular sport burst into a fervor of animated discussion today following an announcement by the Islamic Republic of Iran that …

It resonates with Palestinians in ways that other, similar operations have failed to do. Hebron, October 10 – An entrepreneur with a keen sense of local cultural and political sensibilities launched a new operation last month that delivers restaurant and fast food throughout areas under autonomous rule, and reported this week that it has already …

He will face difficulty finding safety seats for her and his other wives when traveling in his captured Humvee. Kabul, September 23 – A member of the militant Islamist group that now governs Afghanistan voiced his disappointment today that his fiancée will be unable to create an age-appropriate wish-list for wedding invitees to consult at …

Refusal to accept the vaccine, or Israel as a fait accompli, puts Palestinians at increased risk of hospitalization and painful death. Ramallah, September 3 – Observers of Palestinian society have noted of late that more than a century of rejecting the notion and manifestation of a sovereign Jewish presence anywhere in the ancestral Jewish homeland, …

“We might just request that the IDF occupy us as well.” Amman, August 25 – Countries facing a demographic crisis now seek out the input of those responsible for genocide of the Palestinians in a decades-long process that has resulted in a tenfold increase in that demographic, experts observe. Population statistics scholars noted this week …

The only other comparable drool-flood occurred when Obama sent over pallets of cash. Tehran, August 16 – The capital of the Islamic Republic of Iran ground to a halt Monday overwhelmed drainage systems, deluged the first floors of hundreds of buildings, and disrupted essential services and utilities to thousands of residents, as the cumulative quantity of drool …

Estimates of garbage takes overtaking physical garbage in Lebanon range from six months to two years. Beirut, August 5 – Decades of mismanagement, malfeasance, incompetence, and rampant corruption in this once-thriving country of nearly seven million have resulted in, among other fiascoes, a trash-collection system in major cities that has decayed to the point that …

“Delta, lambda, whatever,” he pronounced with a wave of his hand. “Our robust strategy is more than a match for this virus.” Idlib, July 27 – Testing for coronavirus in an area contested by the Syrian Arab Army and insurgents has determined that the pathogen has ceased to pose a threat in places that the …

Perpetual outsiders, at best tolerated and at worst, well, look what’s happening right now. Babylon, July 15 – Officials and local leaders reacting to the arrival in Mesopotamia of the continuing waves of forced Jewish emigration from Judah took pains today to repeat their message of welcome to the refugees from Emperor Nebuchadnezzar’s conquest of …

“Riots aren’t the same without local Jews to scapegoat, beat, rape, and despoil.” Damascus, July 7 – Activists and government representatives from around the region continued to accuse the Jewish State today of keeping almost all of the Middle East’s Jews for itself, leaving only a token amount in various surrounding countries and depriving those societies …

That fearless attitude of getting the story no matter what, unless the story somehow implies Palestinian have agency. Ramallah, June 28 – Intrepid journalists from some of the planet’s leading outlets continued to justify their earned reputation for getting out the stories the world needs to hear, as they displayed the nerve necessary to ignore …

Twitter has finally decided to embrace its progressive racism instead of hiding behind flimsy excuses. San Francisco, June 17 – Years of user complaints that the official Twitter account of Iran’s Supreme Leader repeatedly engages in overt and veiled threats to commit, abet, or encourage the genocide of Israel’s more than six million Jews have finally …

Dolls-lying-in-airstrike-rubble-as-if-the IDF-caused-the-scene-but-in-fact-the-whole-picture-is-contrived has proved a public relations boon to terrorist groups. Khan Yunis, June 8 – A six-year-old in this Hamas-controlled coastal territory woke up today to discover that her father and older brothers had removed every single stuffed animal and plush toy from her bedroom for purposes of posing them amid the bombed-out ruins …

A name that evokes epic rapprochement between once-estranged brothers Isaac and Ishmael won’t do. Washington, May 30 – Diplomatic sources in the White House and Department of State have confirmed that in addition to the current administration refraining from reference to last year’s historic peace agreements between Israel and several Persian Gulf states by their proper …

The MTA might not have put so many of its assets directly in the path of an aerial bombing onslaught, but it can still proudly claim it runs the most dangerous system of tunnels in the world. New York, May 19 – Observers of the IDF operation before and during the weekend to lure hundreds of terrorists …

“It’s hard for me to accept that the rockets we saw coming in and out of there were weapons of war.” Gaza City, May 18 – Reporters and staff from news organizations whose headquarters in this embattled coastal territory collapsed after an Israeli airstrike Sunday explained that they had no idea the structure, parts of …

“They obviously wouldn’t hit an American aircraft, or the plane of an allied country – that’s more our thing.” Tehran, May 6 – Officials of the Islamic Republic voiced their concerns this week that their facilities to receive anticipated windfalls of hard currency from the Biden administration require better security and defense arrangements in case …

The party had hoped to rely on Israel to provide a pretext for canceling the context and saving Fatah face. Ramallah, April 15 – Declarations by members of the party controlling the Palestinian Authority that unless their rivals or Israel make substantive changes to longstanding policies and practices, a long-delayed parliamentary contest that will likely …

A demonstration of how serious they are about enriching themselves on the backs of their constituents. Ramallah, April 27 – President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority and several other high-ranking officials in his kleptocracy took a page out of the Islamic Republic’s playbook today with a declaration that its opponents have gone too far, …

“Please ignore the decade-plus of violent, brutal repression of internal dissent that’s been going on there, because, well, context or something.” Washington, April 1 – Foreign policy officials in the White House and State Department sought to reassure Americans and American allies in the Middle East that the regime in Tehran might be engaged in …

A good number are the same useful idiots who have always proved so easy to manipulate through Soviet and soviet-style propaganda. Sanaa, Yemen, March 23 – A group of Iran-backed rebels in this impoverished country at the southern end of the Arabian Peninsula announced today that they will maintain their policy of torturing, executing, oppressing, …

“The Americans are somehow both unreliable and entirely predictable.” Sana, March 11 – Families of a man and woman hoping not to be dismembered by missiles from an American Predator aircraft at the celebration of their nuptials lamented this week that securing a venue that can accommodate such a preference will cost them a metaphorical …

Gingrich divorced his second wife in 1999, having led the GOP charge to impeach President Bill Clinton just a few years before over the latter’s marital infidelity while in office, all while the Speaker himself was conducting another such affair. Atlanta, March 3 – A former Speaker of the House of Representatives and presidential hopeful …

“It remains a total mystery why Israelis resist the idea of giving us control over access to holy sites.” Mt. Ebal, Samaria Region, February 22 – Officials in the autonomous government of the Palestinian National Authority voiced dismay today upon discovering that a lack of proper examination of the area and of preparation led to …

“Our company takes its moral obligations seriously, and will not tolerate any so-called ‘lapse of judgment’ from its employees.” Ramallah, February 11 – Arab social media erupted with controversy today following the dismissal of a popular cast member from a successful drama series because she had made multiple posts that failed to challenge the historicity …

“Enticing Iran back into the family of nations simply cannot happen if we demand that Iran act like it belongs in the family of nations.” Washington, February 9 – The Biden administration’s pivot on Middle East policy became further evident today as American diplomats complimented the Khamenei regime on its ecological wisdom and frugality for …

“Jews are like cancer: you have to prevent the spread, or efforts to treat the existing tumor will prove fruitless.” Alon Shevut, Etzion Bloc, February 1 – Organizations that insist they work to advance human rights and combat bigotry put forth a plan this week to prevent Jews from constructing homes in areas Israel captured …

Palestinians as their leaders’ sacrificial victims to various money-making schemes, anti-Israel propaganda drives, and political maneuvering. Jericho, Palestinian Territories, January 25 – The continuing shuttered state of a gambling house in this ancient city for more than two decades has left the autonomous authority governing the area no recourse to engage in organized games of …

The UN has an entire other organization for resettling and caring for refugees as such, and almost none of the Palestine Refugees qualify under the standard definition of ‘refugee.’ Geneva, January 14 – An international organization mandated to see to the healthcare, education, housing, and feeding of Palestinians who fled or were expelled from areas …

“If the Jews of Israel want to live a normal existence, they have to forfeit the security that everyone needs in order to live a normal existence.” Ramallah, January 5 – The upcoming inauguration of the next American president has officials and activists in this and other Palestinian locales anticipating a shift in tone from that …

“Soon you will bring down the hammer that crushes the enemy and energizes the citizens and soldiers of the Reich to restore the glory it has too long been denied.” Tehran, December 24 – High-ranking officials of the Islamic Republic of Iran issued a message today to boost the confidence of the German Führer hiding …

Zionist behavior must a priori be categorized as evil. Ramallah, December 16 – Anti-Israel propagandists hoping to attenuate the recent wave of normalization between Israel and various Muslim states in the region seized on a new idea this week to try to drive a wedge between the Jewish State and surrounding countries, namely that the widespread …

“Yet another instance of Zionists usurping our national heritage.” Ramallah, December 7 – The bizarre story of a series of metallic standing stones that appear and then disappear in various places around the world – first in Utah, then California, then Romania, then the Isle of Wight – gained a political wrinkle today as Palestinian officials claimed …

“The soft bigotry of low expectations that Muslims face in Europe, the US, and the West in general is not something we want to encourage.” Riyadh, November 26 – Persian Gulf states in the process of rapprochement with the Jewish State voiced their misgivings today over the latter’s diplomatic relations with various other countries whose …

“Can Gaza be the only place in the world where lightning triggers military equipment? That wouldn’t make sense.” Damascus, Nov 17 – The President of the Syrian Arab Republic smacked himself on the forehead today following receipt of a report that the Israeli military has sought to explain missiles targeting Tel Aviv Saturday night not …

“The will of the people is dangerous to our careers.” Ramallah, November 5 – The President of the Palestinian Authority believes public opinion surveys showing the deep unpopularity of him personally and of his governing faction among Palestinians, even though the field demonstrated serious shortcomings in the last two US presidential contests, failing to paint …

“Those Zionists can keep their democracy. I’m still going to bash them for depriving Palestinians of democracy, though.” Cairo, October 28 – Citizens and residents of numerous states in the Levant and beyond voiced a sense of having dodged a metaphorical bullet this week, in that their countries employ only the most token institutions and …

Survival in defiance of the odds facing such an immunocompromised patient will indicate increased likelihood of foul play. Jerusalem, October 22 – A high-ranking Palestinian official undergoing treatment at a leading Israeli medical facility threatened negative outcomes for the Jewish State in the even that he recovers from his current viral respiratory infection, given that such a …

“The map, the image of ‘historic Palestine’ that supposedly got torn apart by Zionist-European settler-colonialism, precisely conforms to borders that British and French colonial powers drew to suit their imperialistic goals.” Beirut, October 12 – Middle Eastern regimes that expend significant effort denouncing the institution and effects of foreign empire-building at the expense of local …

In contrast, Egypt and Jordan have refrained from total normalization of ties, and continue to traffic in antisemitic and anti-Israel conspiracy theories. Manama, September 30 – Two states that established formal relations with Israel after decades of explicit support for its enemies, including the dissemination of propaganda to undermine the Jewish State’s legitimacy, now find …

Behind it all, official incompetence and criminal negligence led to disastrous consequences. Beirut, September 16 – Wildfires raging in the westernmost of the US’s forty-eight states have grown so fierce, observers noted today, that buildings and entire port facilities all the way over in the eastern Mediterranean have also caught fire. Yesterday’s fire at a …

The right that only the leadership possesses: to put to death, by whatever means, any persons standing between it and expanding across the land like a plague. Tehran, September 7 – Officials of the Islamic Republic lamented today the ongoing coronavirus crisis in the country that has already claimed more than twenty thousand lives, noting …

The forty-ninth week in a row that the number has failed to break out of single digits. Ramallah, August 27 – Inspectors replaced the digit today on a placard that tracks the time since the Palestinian leadership has squandered a chance to move toward peaceful resolution of the generations-old conflict with Jews over the territory both groups …

“That came as news to me, even though it’s been in all of our reports, my aides tell me.” Geneva, August 18 – Human rights groups reacted to last week’s sudden announcement of diplomatic and commercial ties between Israel and the United Arab Emirates by finding it important, out of the blue, that the latter …

“They should be thankful to participate in this grand project.” Tehran, August 6 – Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and several of his top officials voiced gratification today following a catastrophic explosion in Beirut yesterday that killed more than a hundred and injured thousands, in appreciation for the millions of Middle East lives they have …

“We and our far-left allies in the UK and Europe share a profound attachment to the unattainable.” Beirut, July 29 – The Shiite militia that exerts de facto control of Lebanese politics on behalf of its Iranian masters asked the disgraced former leader of Britain’s Labour Party to help with the aftermath of a failed raid …

Instructions to FARS and smaller news operations included provisions outlining measures to avoid mentioning the same undamaged facilities too often. Tehran, July 20 – The Islamic Republic’s official media agency changed tacks today as a result of the string of mishaps, suspected sabotage, and other disasters befalling the country in recent weeks, opting to save time, …

“It belongs much more in our comic-book, cartoon-show milieu than in anything resembling human reality.” Somewhere in the Levant, July 9 – Realms located in the world of the imaginary such as Middle Earth, Krypton, and Eternia gained a new member in recent years: the Israel that so many insist existed before the Labor Party lost …

“It’s almost as if no one believes us.” Washington, June 30 – Former officials of the previous presidential administration voiced puzzlement today at the limited impact of their alarm-sounding on potential application of Israeli law to areas beyond the 1949 armistice line, noting that no one could have predicted their cautionary statements would lose their …

The timing of the Exodus narrative according to traditional dating places it centuries later than many of the pyramids. Cairo, June 18 – Authorities in this country of nearly 100 million dismissed concerns today that the movement to dismantle monuments glorifying racist or oppressive regimes and figures will affect their state’s archaeological and cultural sites, …

“You can lead a Palestinian leader to accountability, but you cannot make him take it on.” Ben-Gurion Airport, June 10 – An Etihad Airlines commercial jet landed at Israel’s main international airport Tuesday carrying medical equipment intended for use by Palestinian public health facilities, along with consignment of living the actual, real world, both of …

He came up with the ingenious idea after the older sibling of a student was convicted of homosexual activity and sentenced to death. Tehran, May 27 – Sanctions imposed on the Islamic republic have compounded an economic crunch in the country that already challenges the budgets of numerous public institutions such as schools, forcing educators …