Politics

Kibbutz Nahal Oz, Israel, October 14 – The United Nations Secretary General today visited southern Israeli communities battered this summer by Hamas rocket and mortar fire, and climbed into one of the tunnels used by the terrorist organization to infiltrate into Israel and attempt to kidnap soldiers or civilians, expressing his shock at the narrowness …

Tel Aviv, October 7 – Opposition leaders are warning that given the advanced age of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, there may be precious little time remaining for Israel to make self-destructive concessions to him before he dies or steps down. The heads of opposition parties in the Knesset called on Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to …

Woodmere, NY, October 1 – The Jewish communities of Long Island’s Five Towns area are in an uproar over a local synagogue’s initiative to link individual member families with specific inmates in Israel’s prison system incarcerated for engaging in terrorist activities, an initiative under which the families would send gift packages and letters to the …

Jerusalem, September 23 – An audit by the State Comptroller has revealed that the Ministry of the Interior has apparently been misunderstanding its mission, and has restricted itself to managing home and office decor when its actual mandate involves local government, citizenship and residency, issuing identity cards, and the various types of entry visas. Minister of the Interior Gidon Sa’ar has …

Jerusalem, September 17 – Amid tensions in the governing coalition over the fate of a law meant to eliminate the Value Added Tax on certain purchases of a home, the government and Knesset lawmakers showed no such hesitation in instituting an exemption from income tax of the salaries of members of Knesset. The Government Remuneration …

Jerusalem, September 12 – Member of Knesset Ahmad Tibi submitted a legislative proposal today that calls for Israel to switch the name of its capital city to its parallel Arabic appellation, stating that use of the Hebrew constitutes prejudice against the Arab minority in the country. Bill 1947C, the Name Jerusalem ‘Al-Quds’ in All Official …

Jerusalem, September 3 – Police investigators have announced their intention to formally recommend indicting every single Israeli citizen for various crimes including corruption and breach of trust, in order to simplify the inevitable. Commissioner Yohanan Danino called a press conference this morning to advise the public of the impending move, and stressed that the public …

New York, August 29 – Leading news organizations are considering ignoring the occurrence of international leaders calling on the parties to a conflict to avoid escalating it, industry analysts say, as those pronouncements are simply not newsworthy. In the wake of numerous violent incidents in the Middle East recently, leaders such as UN Secretary-General Ban …

Jerusalem, August 20 – Israeli and foreign correspondents reported this morning (Wednesday) that a man in business attire is apparently standing behind a microphone and talking about the situation in and around the Gaza Strip. The man, according to initial reports, is middle-aged and wearing a dark suit, and evidently is expressing his thoughts with …

Tel Aviv, August 15 – In its latest report on what it calls Israeli intransigence, Peace Now calls attention to the Jewish State’s declared intent of maintaining itself despite opposition from hundreds of millions of opponents. Peace Now called the news “disappointing” and “yet another example of the Netanyahu administration’s willful political and demographic blindness.” …

Menlo Park, CA, August 11 – Social media giant Facebook decided to accept at face value a report that a satirical website’s pro-Israel humor was worth censoring, while allowing dozens, if not hundreds, of hate-spewing pages to continue spilling their anti-Israel and antisemitic vitriol. PreOccupied Territory administrators attempted to access the Facebook page today only …

Jerusalem, August 9 – Member of Knesset Hanin Zoabi is scheduled to face a Knesset panel that will determine her future in the legislative body after she was recorded making comments that could be construed as incitement for Palestinian terrorism against Israeli civilians, and her fellow MKs are vying for the privilege of meting out …

Jerusalem, August 3 – Knesset Opposition Leader Isaac Herzog said in an address this morning that if he were in office instead of Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, he would be more adept at bungling the current war. Herzog addressed a breakfast of Labor and allied Knesset leaders, most of whom are trying to walk the …

Jerusalem, July 27 – An Israeli political career came to an ignominious end today when the Minister for Genocidal Affairs announced his resignation, following a scathing governmental report on the failure of the ministry to implement any sort of genocide at all, despite having decades in which to perform it. An audit by the State …

Tel Aviv, July 22 – Left-wing activists and politicians in favor of further land concessions to the Palestinians are adducing the recent rocket fire from Gaza, which Israel left in 2005, as evidence that Israel should make more such concessions. More than 1,600 rockets have been fired this month alone from the Gaza Strip, from …

Washington, DC, July 19 – Conservative thinkers across the US expressed bewilderment this week upon realizing that the nation’s premier gun-rights advocacy group is missing a golden opportunity to argue for freer access to firearms by invoking the situation in the Middle East, where weapons flow everywhere nearly unrestricted and as a result, the citizens …

Jerusalem, July 13 – Legislators in Israel’s parliament voiced concern this morning that the continuing offensive against terrorist fighters and armaments in the Gaza Strip may deprive the government of funds it needs to pay government officials who excuse or enable terrorism. The Knesset Budget Office released a report late last week analyzing the projected …

Ashdod, July 8 – Workers and managers at this southern port city have had to take shelter repeatedly from incoming rockets launched from the Gaza Strip, disrupting work and severely limiting the amount of corruption that can be accomplished during the course of a regular day’s work. Cronyism, nepotism, bribery, kickbacks, and extortion have plagued …

Jerusalem, July 5 – A review of political demonstrations in Israel and the areas under its control over the last two decades has concluded that hurling geological objects toward moving motor vehicles on nearby thoroughfares does not correlate with implementation of the demonstrators’ stated aims. The study looked at both Israeli and Palestinian rock-throwers, and …

Tel Aviv, June 30 – Opposition leaders leveled criticism at the Netanyahu government today over the heat wave currently hitting the country, with stagnant air and daytime temperatures that have not fallen below 32º C (90ºF) and in some parts of the country have hit 44ºC (101ºF) with oppressive humidity. The leaders called the timing …

Tel Aviv, June 24 – Scientists at Tel Aviv University are reporting that the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement against Israel, already wrong on so many levels, has somehow increased the number of planes on which its activities and attitudes violate the principles of morality, honesty, and humanity. Ostensibly a movement aimed at pressuring Israel to …

New York, June 16 – To ensure the proper response to the kidnapping by Palestinians of three Israeli teenagers last week, Human Rights Watch has hired a team of crickets, which will chirp at regular intervals to highlight the lack of condemnation emanating from the organization. HRW is among the quickest to denounce alleged Israeli …

Gaza City, Gaza Strip, June 15 – The owner of a confectionery in this Palestinian coastal city is unsure whether he should be distributing fudge to express joy over the three Israeli teenagers taken hostage by Hamas, or whether the choice of sweet might be inappropriate. Hassan Kawasmeh, 44, wanted to join in the widespread …

Jerusalem, June 8 – As corruption and criminal allegations mount against the various candidates for Israel’s presidency, the five remaining ones and their supporters are saying they will rescue and restore the dignity befitting the office of president just as hard as they are working to save the long-extinct dodo bird of Mauritius. Three of …

Ramallah, June 2 – Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas introduced the new unity government with Hamas today at a ceremony where the Hamas and Fatah ministers swore to fulfill their duties, while Israel just plain swore. A festive atmosphere pervaded the government compound, where leaders from the rival factions put on a show for the …

Jerusalem, May 27 – Turkey asked Interpol yesterday to issue a Red Notice for a number of former top Israeli military commanders in connection with the deaths of ten protesters in a 2010 raid on a Turkish flotilla to Gaza, but Israeli analysts expect the group to end up imprisoned in Israel on various corruption-related …

Tel Aviv, May 23 – A day after police detained several teenagers for slashing tires and spraying hateful graffiti in a Galilee town last month, the editorial board at Haaretz spared no punches in detailing how they expected the State to treat the vandals: an editorial statement in today’s edition calls for the three sixteen- …

Jerusalem, May 18 – Parties on the left portion of Israel’s social spectrum are denouncing the Finance Ministry’s recent proposal to exempt from sales tax the first home purchase by anyone who has served in the army or civilian National Service, calling the idea inherently racist. The vast majority of Israel’s Arab population does not …

Berkeley, California, May 14 – Advocates of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement against Israel expressed frustration today that their lobbying efforts targeting major cultural figures have yet to elicit a commitment from the world’s most famous composer not to appear in Israel. BDS activists have been focusing on high-profile figures in academia, the arts, film, …

Jerusalem, May 10 – Lawmakers opposed to Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s latest legislation proposal are challenging the notion that a Jewish country, born of millennia of Jewish longing for a homeland, and embodying the dreams and prophecies of countless Jews throughout history, should be considered Jewish. Netanyahu’s government has submitted a bill that would expressly …

Jerusalem, May 2 – At the behest of the Knesset Committee on Ceremonies and Symbols, this year’s official Yom Haatzmaut ceremonies will feature fourteen prominent women who have made important contributions to Israeli society and culture, a decision that has Israel’s Peeping Toms and other sexual predators pleased that the State is making their lives …

Jerusalem, April 26 – The party that functioned for many years as a kingmaker in Israel’s governing coalitions has fallen on hard electoral times, and is considering bringing its charismatic leader back from the dead to help similarly resurrect its hopes for greater representation in the next Knesset. Shas, which represents Jews of Middle Eastern …

Ramallah, April 19 – After a delegation of left-wing Israeli lawmakers insisted that Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas had expressed his disgust at the Monday night shooting near Hebron that left an Israeli father dead, dozens of the leader’s representatives and aides rushed headlong to deny he said any such thing, with more than a dozen …

1. Myth: Other countries’ support for Arab positions vis-à-vis Israel results from their dependence on Arab states’ considerable reserves of dead-dinosaur-derived petroleum. Fact: Dinosaurs account for little, if any, of the oil deposits in the world. Petroleum comes primarily from the pressurized remains of fossilized zooplankton and algae. 2. Myth: The land of Palestine …

Jerusalem, April 4 – Law enforcement agencies in Israel’s capital are warning that the high rate at which local women are subject to verbal or physical unpleasantness on the basis of their sex cannot be maintained, and that the desired number of such incidents per month will not be met over the course of the …

Tel Aviv, March 28 – Israeli organizations opposed to Israel’s settlements and policies toward the Palestinians expressed puzzlement today after the United Nations Security Council and General Assembly condemned North Korea and Russia, respectively, without singling out Israel for opprobrium. The organizations said they remain at a loss to explain why anyone would want to …

Jerusalem, March 23 – Half a dozen Israeli lawmakers were taken for medical treatment today after they engaged in political posturing that their bodies could not handle. Four of the six were reacting to the trial verdict of MK Muhammad Barakeh, who was convicted in the 2006 assault of a bystander but acquitted of other, …

Geneva – The United nations Security Council issued a condemnation of the Jewish people today, following Mordechai’s refusal to prostrate himself before Haman, another of the King Ahashverosh’s ministers. The resolution called the refusal “a deplorable act of intolerance,” and called on the Jews to withdraw at once from living in the Persian empire. Resolution …

Amman, Jordan, March 12 – Following the shooting by IDF soldiers of a Jordanian man at a border crossing, Jordanian officials and protesters have expressed rage at the notion that Israeli soldiers take actual measures to defend themselves as necessary. A Palestinian-Jordanian judge was at the King Hussein/Allenby Bridge crossing when, according according to eyewitnesses, …

London – Palestinian historians examining the administration of the Holy Land during the British and Ottoman periods have discovered that the rulers of that land remained completely oblivious to the fact that they were not really the ones in charge. In reality, say the researchers, the Palestinian people were in control of their homeland, which …

Washington, DC, March 3 – As part of his preparations for his scheduled talks with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, President Barack Obama has tried on several fake Hitler-style mustaches in case the Israeli premier’s finger again casts an unfortunate shadow, as it did when Netanyahu was photographed with German Chancellor Angela Merkel last week. …

Washington, DC, February 19 – A new study by an independent think tank shows that the lion’s share of BS in the world stems from the conflict between Israel and its neighbors. Environmental and rhetorical scientists from the Center for Research and Analysis of Politics (CRAP) analyzed the quantity and source of the world’s current …

By Saeb Erekat, Palestinian negotiator The struggle against Israel is essentially a struggle for public opinion. There’s no question the best way to capture public opinion is to sabotage agreements we made with Israel and then blame Israel for the inevitable negative consequences. Works every time. The procedure is pretty simple: we make an agreement …

Canberra, Australia, February 11 – Astronomers in Australia have discovered what they say is the oldest star known so far, prompting Palestinian officials to claim their ancestors inhabited that star long before any Jews came along. Scientists mapping the southern sky identified SMSS J031300.36-670839.3, as the oldest observed star so far, based on its spectrum of …

Munich, Germany, February 6 – The chief Palestinian negotiator in talks with Israel has asked the world to “punish” the Jewish state for its racism, as he pursues the formation of a state next door in which Jews will not be allowed to remain. Saeb Erekat laid into his Israeli counterpart Tzipi Livni, characterizing the …

Jerusalem, January 26 – Israeli lawmakers approved obnoxiously proposed legislation on Sunday allocating money for a variety of inappropriate activities. The Inappropriations Law determines which of the rude items in the annual budget will receive funding, from how-to classes on sexual harassment for Knesset members and their aides, to a gallery of obscene artwork lining …

Jerusalem, January 20 – In a nod to advancing technology and and a proliferation of private banking activity, the Bank of Israel will assist emerging lenders by providing a welcoming online environment on their website to any Israeli individual or institution who seeks to fleece others by lending at high interest. The service, called Net …

Jerusalem (AP) – Upon hearing the news that an eighty-five-year-old man’s heart had stopped beating yesterday, Palestinians and right-wing Israelis burst forth in joy, welcoming the end of life for a person who had been in a vegetative state since a debilitating stroke eight years ago. In an unprecedented instance of unity, the two groups …

New York (AP) – The world was treated for a pulled jaw muscle today after yawning at the car bombing in a Beirut suburb yesterday. Doctors at New York’s Bellevue Hospital reported that that patient was admitted to the ER, treated, and released. A powerful explosion caused extensive damage and killed five passers by on …

New York (AP) – A rapid deterioration of former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s condition has journalists scrambling to update their files in case the publication of an obituary becomes necessary in the coming hours or days. Sharon, 85, suffered a stroke eight years ago that resulted in his current comatose state. The former general’s …

Jerusalem (AP) – A spokesman for Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu today lamented Israel’s execution of Holocaust mastermind Adolf Eichmann in 1962, noting that the architect of the Final Solution could have been released with other killers of Jews this evening. 26 Palestinians imprisoned for the murders of Israelis in terrorism attacks over the last …

London, July 9 – In a new twist on an age-old stereotype, a British Muslim author’s newest work charges that a relatively small number of Jews effectively controls the workings of Israel, a country that most people consider a democracy. Hadda Nuffadis, a Liverpool-born Muslim of Indian descent, writes in From Russia with Glove that the “hidden …

Jerusalem, Israel (AP) – After several fruitless weeks of back-and-forth negotiations over so-called Final Status issues over which Israelis and Palestinians differ, the delegates to the talks have decided to abandon the effort and watch The Princess Bride repeatedly instead. The talks, conducted in secret, have apparently yielded no results yet on questions of: Palestinian refugees; the …

Washington, DC (AP) – President Obama has instructed the State Department to end its four-year-old attempt to convince Israelis to resolve the ongoing conflict with the Palestinians and other Arab nations by voluntarily drowning themselves in the Mediterranean Sea. The decision was greeted with disappointment by representatives of Turkey, Egypt, Jordan, and the Palestinian Authority. …

Sheikh Jarrah Quarter, Jerusalem (AP) – Fuad Abu Hamed, 46, got through the biggest snowstorm in the Levant in a generation by huddling together with his family through power outages in the bitter cold by telling himself the Jewish authorities would surely send along some crews to clear major arteries and fix hazards created by …

Khan Yunis refugee camp, Gaza Strip (AP) – Times may be tough, but Hamas designers are busy releasing their winter 2014 looks for the suicide-vest-wearing crowd, and the new offerings are to die for. Or in. Chief Hamas fashion designer Mahmoud A-Zahar has completely revamped the classic martyr look, replacing the traditional bulky vest and …

Washington, DC (AP) The American Studies Association released the results of its membership vote Monday, in which the 5,000 educators adopted a resolution calling for an academic boycott of Israeli institutions and of the planet Jupiter. By a two-thirds margin, the Association approved the largely symbolic measure as a rebuke to Israel over its policies …

Paris, France (Reuters) – A government-commissioned analysis of the late Palestinian Leader Yasser Arafat’s remains has concluded that he did not die of poisoning, as some Palestinians had charged, but by natural causes. Arafat died in 2004 and no autopsy was conducted at the time. The report also noted that Francisco Franco, who took power …

Jerusalem, Israel (AP) – Israel announced final approval for the construction of 1,500 residential units in a neighborhood of Jerusalem that it captured in the 1967 war, causing the end of the world yet again. The occurrence marks the latest in a series of hundreds of construction projects that have brought about the complete and …