Explain something to me: do voters really expect me to address local needs when there’s an Israeli prime minister I can threaten to detain, thus burnishing my moral bona fides among progressives?

Seriously. Do New Yorkers not grasp what voting for me meant? I thought I made it clear.

Show me how diligent filling of potholes on the BQE will free Palestine, and I’ll get right on it. Otherwise, go sit with the rest of the genocide apologists.

Let’s be honest: even the specific policies I touted in my election campaign - rent freezes, city-run grocery stores, closing jails - those are fine, I suppose, and we’ll get around to them eventually, but only insofar as I can make them about Gaza.

Freeze rent? If it FREES Palestine! See what I did there?

Laughable that you think any of the other things my Democratic Socialists of America pals and I talk about can ever carry any more importance than opposing Zionism. And, since our old friend Barack Obama now sees me as the future of the Democratic Party, well, what better way to channel Mr. Obama than to value performative stunts and rhetoric over mere facts?

My critics miss the point entirely when they blather on about my lacking authority to arrest Netanyahu if he sets foot in my city. Either the police will do as I say, and I score a huge propaganda coup for the pro-Palestine camp - buttressed by righteous indignation and victimhood when forced to release him - or I win simply by making the threat, since bombast is the arena in which the battle is fought now.

If I can keep Bibi out of New York altogether, that’s good, too, because I get to claim credit and step into the role of Defender of Palestine. I win no matter what.

And the mainstream press will never see it any other way. Criticizing me when I’ve already become the darling of the media would make them look bad. They hate that. Better to double down on the Narrative.

I can see the editorials now: the requirement that a president be a natural-born citizen is discriminatory, and Democrats will pack the Supreme Court to declare that part of the Constitution null and void, clearing my way to the White House.

Right, did I mention this is all about Palestine? New York loves Palestine! I should proclaim that from Ground Zero, just to hammer home the point.

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