New York, July 14 - Governmental sports officials in Cairo and Rabat admitted their bafflement today at the failure of this city’s National League franchise’s supporters to explain the team’s dismal performance this year by invoking “Zionist” machinations, as every citizen of every Islamic country knows that only such nefarious activities can account for athletic disappointment.

“Its the most straightforward thing in the world,” explained Egyptian Minister of Sport Andr Acheefr. “By natural law, our Islamic athletes must win. Only satanic interference can thwart the virtue and the just triumph of our squads over those of the infidels. The identity of the satanic influence has long been obvious to all, if you catch my meaning. So what’s stopping Mets fans from reaching the same realization?”

Egypt’s and Morocco’s national teams were eliminated from World Cup contention last week.

Indeed, here in Queens, where the Mets sit at a woeful 40-56 despite one of baseball’s highest payrolls and a busy offseason of big-name acquisitions, fans have remained strangely silent on the Jewish angle. No viral threads about Steve Cohen’s heritage. No accusations that Zionists are doctoring the Statcast data. Not even a single late-night sports radio caller claiming the real reason Pete Alonso isn’t mashing is because AIPAC won’t let him.

“It is most puzzling,” said a Moroccan fan who requested anonymity while wearing a keffiyeh and an “End Jewish Space Lasers” T-shirt. “These Mets have spent hundreds of millions. They were supposed to contend. Instead they are a disaster. In my country we know exactly who to blame. Why don’t the Americans?”

Local antisemitic conspiracy enthusiasts expressed similar confusion. “We’ve got a team owned by a Jewish billionaire, playing in a city with more Jews than anywhere outside Israel, and somehow the obvious connection is being ignored?” one commenter wrote on a popular message board. “Next you’ll tell me the umpires aren’t Mossad.”

Mets manager Carlos Mendoza, when asked if external forces might be at play, replied, “We just need to pitch better and hit with runners in scoring position,” a response widely criticized for its suspicious refusal to mention the Rothschilds.

Frustrated conspiracy theorists have reportedly launched a Change.org petition demanding that Mets fans “stop denying the obvious” and immediately blame the Jews, Zionists, or at minimum “certain elements” for the team’s dismal showing — preferably before the trade deadline, to ensure time to demand a refund from the international Jewish banking cabal.

In related news, the Chicago Cubs’ recent hot streak was attributed by the same sources to “totally unrelated factors,” because reasons.

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