“He was probably just there doing journalism.”
Little St. James, U.S. Virgin Islands, May 6 — Maintenance crews working on the former Jeffrey Epstein property have removed a large spray-painted inscription reading “Cenk Was Here,” sources confirmed Tuesday, in what historians are already calling the most thorough cover-up since the financier’s little black book.
The graffiti, discovered last week during preparations to convert the notorious island into a luxury resort, featured the signature block lettering familiar to viewers of The Young Turks. Island staff described it as “aggressively orange” and positioned prominently near the temple-like structure, with a small addendum in smaller script: “But I Swear I Only Came To Investigate Mossad Ties.”
Cenk Uygur, the progressive firebrand and occasional conspiracy enthusiast, has not commented on the discovery, though associates say he is “furious” that someone would erase important historical context. “Cenk has been very vocal lately about Epstein’s connections to intelligence agencies,” said one colleague, speaking on condition of anonymity because he still hopes to get booked on the show. “He was probably just there doing journalism. Very brave journalism. The kind that involves boats and no cameras.”
Real estate developers behind the resort project expressed relief at the cleanup. “We want this to be a place of relaxation and five-star dining, not a pilgrimage site for every podcaster convinced the real story is bigger than ‘billionaire pedophile with powerful friends,’” said a spokesman. “The last thing guests need is to trip over evidence of late-night livestreams about Ehud Barak while trying to enjoy their infinity pool.”
Critics on the right wasted no time in mocking the episode. “Of course he was there,” tweeted one conservative commentator. “Where else would a guy who thinks the real scandal is Israel go to connect the dots? Probably took notes right next to the massage room.”
Uygur’s defenders insist the whole thing is being blown out of proportion, and has Mossad fingerprints all over it. “This is classic smearing,” said a TYT producer. “Cenk has repeatedly said Epstein was an intelligence op — he never said he was the intelligence op. Big difference. Also, have you considered that the graffiti was planted by Hillary Clinton?”
Maintenance workers have also power-washed several nearby rocks bearing the faded messages “Bill Was Definitely Not Here,” “Prince Andrew Just Popped By For Pizza,” and “Ghislaine Did Nothing Wrong, Probably.”
Developers hope the resort will open next year under the working name “Little St. Rehab.” Early brochures promise “seclusion, discretion, and zero tolerance for unsolicited conspiracy theorizing.”
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